What Bob Said

Bob   Said

Sometimes when the mood hits me, I go to church early and warm up my fingers tickling the ivories on the "piano side" as that comedian Chonda would say.

 

This I did.  Bob arrived.

Bob is a new member, he's about my height and weight, he's older than me.  He's been through the "wars" in both senses of the word, (rough life, 30 years sober, and armed services veteran) and just discovered his mother and sister were members of our church.  He's feeling connected and extremely exuberantly blessed.  Praises God continuously.

 

And I promise you, this whole thing is true!

 

He talked.  I played.

"If That Isn't Love"

 

I asked about his wife.  She didn't come with him this time.  He totally, committedly loves her.  Just this summer they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.  

He said, "If I were her I'd've gotten rid of me a long time ago."  

 

I laughed my head off.

 

He continued visiting.  I played some more.

"Love Is Why"

 

He says, "I graduated high school.  But I have trouble remembering things.  You know what I mean?"

"A friend said to me" and he taps his left temple lightly, "There's gotta be some thing up there."

 

I laughed.  I laughed not only because he's funny but because his self-deprecation doesn't match what I see and hear.

 

A young girl comes in and addresses the room with wide eyes, "There's a whole busload of people out there!  They're coming in here to church!"  And they did.  Oddly, they all seated themselves on the right side of the aisle.

 

The minister comes in and takes his place up front.

 

Bob leaves me and ambles to his seat.  I finish playing the last measures.

"Where Could I Go"

 

As I rise from the piano bench and get a good look around, the whole right side is FULL!

The left side is bare; except for one lowly, loyal person.  Bob.

He's sitting midway down and next to a window.  He and I both know the stragglers will soon fill up the left side but I just had to say it.

"Bob!  You're all alone on that side."

 

He's quick, he grins, his eyes twinkle, he's funny today:

 

"With all my friends!"

Jacob's Serious Attempts At Food Control

Photo left:  We're playing green army men when Jacob came up with a missle, his eyes twinkle as he aims to win!

Now, as you read below keep in mind, he's a little guy in a car seat.  He's only just graduated from Kindergarten, so he's only 6 years old.  Also know, he's normally a very polite and affable child.  

The following was out of character, but oh, so funny! I laughed a lot!

Jacob's Serious Attempts At Food Control

Jacob's in the back seat of my car.  I'm wondering whether he feels good or not.  Mostly because his face is drawn after getting over a sty.  And, because, for him, his responses are extreme.  Here's what took place on the way to eating out after church.  

BTW, eating out after church is something my family members always do.

You never know where it'll be.  After services are over, we cogitate it a lot due to everyone's qualifiers - no beef or pork, we ate there recently, or I'm not in the mood for that - can be some parameters.

Following behind, I kept an eye on the car ahead carrying his parents, and said, "Jacob, we're going to Logan's Steakhouse.  They changed their minds, we're not heading for Panda Express."  

"I like the noodles.  I want to go to Panda Express."  This was the beginning of his discourse, he kept on talking without any prompting from me.

"He chose the disgusting food so let's not go where daddy goes, let's go to Panda.  Chili's is disgusting."

Re-read those last words, and lower your voice with a little growl to it.

"Chili's is disgusting."  I laughed my head off!

"Right,"  he was assertive.

"We're not going to Logan's Steakhouse."

"We're not going to Chili's; we're going to Panda because those are disgusting."

"I am not eating when they say what food do you want?

"I say nothing; and I'm serious."

I Scared Myself Once. Durn, If I Didn't Do It Again!

I Scared Myself Once.   And durn, if I didn't do it, again!

What a nut, scaring myself twice.

Now, I gotta tell ya that I live alone.  With hubby gone and without a pet in the house, and if I don't turn on the television, it's pretty quiet around here.

And, I gotta tell ya that I purchased a sloth, a stuffed animal, half my size, for my daughter-in-law's birthday.  She collects them.  She has a closet full.  I mean it!  And they're named after action characters.  Get the irony?  Sloth. Slow.  Action figure.  Kinetic.  LOL

So, I set it in the passenger seat thinking she'll spy it, give out a squeal, and I'll gift it over to her.  Well, I liked the pseudo-companionship.  But I gave her her birthday present anyway.  She loved it.  

I missed it.

So, I bought a tan bear with red bow and red palms and soles, half my size.  Cutest thing.  And I parked him in the passenger seat.  He's mine.  Riding shotgun.  Pseudo-driving companion. 

It's been a week or more since I did that.   Life has been busy, taking a trip with the family to the Ark Encounter for a couple days.  Another day, taking a quick jaunt to a southern town to visit a cousin.  Cleaning the upstairs rooms from top to bottom.  Watching a new show, My Life Is Murder.  And all the other incidental stuff like dishes and laundry.  You get the picture.  Busy.

So, today, it's early morning, a bit dusky outside, I'm walking from the living room where I've been playing the piano, through to the family room past the sliding glass doors, when in my peripheral vision through those doors and to the truck just outside the gate, I see something behind the windshield.  My heart did a skip-stop on it's way down to my stomach.

What?!

Did I leave my door window down or something?

What on earth? What animal's in my truck?

I stepped back, and stepped closer to the sliding glass doors, my brain thinking "How'll I handle this?  Where's my gun?  Is that the cat?  How'd it get in?!"

With a studied look, realization hit.  It's a bear!   It's that bear I bought!

Shoo-oot!  I just scared the bejeebers out of myself!

The second time, was my own fault, too.

I live on a state highway, there's lots of traffic, trucks pulling empty trailers clanging by, cars with whiney tires, SUVs with growling motors, motorcycles with screaming engines, semi's or big trucks roaring by and if going south heartily using their jake brakes for the upcoming curve.  

Sometimes with their car windows down you hear kids hollering.  Sometimes you hear songs on their radios, or you can hear boom boxes that rock the air. 

The house windows were open.  Having just come out of rainy April, I was creating a cross-breeze with the open-kitchen window.  I'd pulled the curtain back and anchored it with one of those weighted-centerpieces for balloons.   4 of these, 2 on each side, were sitting on the shelves to the sides of the sink, very pretty pastel colors with springy flowers on flimsy wires.  

The bathroom window was open, too.  

And I'd opened the sliding glass doors but pulled the screen closed.   

Sure, and a sunny day it was with a goodly breeze and happy tweeting birds.  

BOOM!

What the devil was that?!!!!!

And the brain scrambles.  Scanning memory banks!  Searching for similar sounds, and possiblities.  What was that?  Where'd it come from?  Am I in danger?  Was it a gun?  Look out the window.  Is someone here?  Did a projectile come through?  Was there a crash on the highway?  Did a son come home without warning and enter through the garage?  A million and a hundred thoughts and scenarios flit through the brain like cyber dots on a fast-paced radio wave!

And then, and then I see the one thing that's out of place.

It waved to me like the hello of the next door washer woman's apron.

The gusty wind had caught the kitchen window curtain and was toying with it on the outside, and that balloon weight, remember that balloon weight?  It had dropped with a thud into the stainless steel kitchen sink!

Wiping brow, "Phew ... "

I did it again!  I scared myself silly!

Noelle's Animal Guess

NOELLE'S ANIMAL GUESS

Noelle arrived, her dad and siblings were going to softball, so she and I took a walk.  We walked around the wrecked truck that she, her sister, and her Daddy were in when a woman pulled out in front of them.  The walk was so she could talk about it if she wanted, then we walked to the neighbors to see the new flower garden.  Once back at the house she did the cutest thing, she wanted to play animal guess.  She would act out the animal and I would take a guess.

In the middle of the family room she twirled and floated her arms in the air while thinking.

One arm swung deep and wide.  "Elephant!" 

Then she imitated diving and swimming.  "Porpoise!  No?  Dolphin!"  

Yes.

She took awkward steps, but it couldn't be a chicken, so I guessed generically, "Bird?"  

Yes. 

I was happy to be in tune with her.

Then she did a upward dog pose with her open mouth towards the horizon.  THAT had me stumped.  "Wolf?"  

No.  So she added a gesture making a circle around her head. 

"Lots of hair" she said.

"Oh, I know.  A lion!"  

Yes.

And, so help me, I couldn't get the this one at all.  She did odd things with her arms.  She took giant steps.  She made silent motions with her mouth.  Finally, I gave up.

It wasn't a monkey, it wasn't a chimpanzee....my guesses were wrong.

It was an orangutan!   Well.  Humpth.  Let's get specific!

Lastly she said, "This isn't an animal but you can still guess."  And I was NOT able to guess.  She ran to various places and found supplies to make a sign.  Then she reached up to where I kept a pile of pennies for the gumball machine, and dropped them in a plastic orange cereal bowl she'd retrieved from the kitchen cupboards.  Then she sat down with the bowl of coins between her crossed legs.  And held the sign in front of herself.

When her Dad came to get her, I had Noelle re-inact it, he read the "kids writing" sign just fine, right quick.  I was impressed.  I had struggled.  Here's what she'd written:

       Plees helpme

       I amhomelis

       Plees gv mesum

       muny

Translation, in case you can't read "kids writing" any better than I can, it says, "Please, help me.  I am homeless.  Please give me some money."

Where on earth did she get that idea from?!

"Let's go back to the animals," I said, having been out-foxed. I'm ready to go back to guessing animals, LOL.

"And no, Noelle, I don't understand mimicing twitching feet and swinging arms and hands that swim."

"Ariel, GrammyPam, don't you know Ariel?"

THE MOTELY CREW part 2

The Motley Crew in the vestibule of Habanero Grill

Part 2

FRONT LEFT: Alayna, Holleigh

DIRECTLY BEHIND:  Ainsley, Noelle

FRONT RIGHT:  Lilly, the face of Jacob, and Jayden

LILLY

9 YEARS OLD - TEA PARTY

I had Clint's kids because they were on spring break. I spoke for them; it was planned.  For fun Miss Lilly wanted a tea party.  She loves to play scullery maid and she loves to have a tea party.   She set out placemats of paper towels, her little tea cups, and then every bodies else had to come out and play -- the 2 sheep and Toothless and the little brother and the grandma. Of course, we had Jacobs very favorite, 'baghettees! 

Just before she sat down to her plate of noodles, Miss Lilly exchanged her apron and cap for a Queen's crown!   

 

JACOB 

6 YEARS OLD - ARMY MEN

Speaking of green toy army men, Jacob brought his from home to battle me and my own green men which were left here by my son Ian.  The battle field we always lay out in the living room, he on one side of the board and I on the other.  The board is the part of a battle field where all dead men are piled.  

The board was mine when I first got married.  It laid across my lap to do Christmas cards, which at the time with John's family and mine, and no computer emails for greetings, it amounted to around 200 cards.

Then the boys needed a board on which to race their Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars.  One side has an amateurish toddler-like black oval circle with a stickman waving a flag that says "Go".  As the years went by the opposite side has been improved upon, especially by the youngest son who added color, a basic green with yellow passing lines, parking spaces, etc.

Now the grandson, he knows where it resides and can lift it out on his own when his bag of green tanks, boats, barricades and plethora of green army men arrives.

He's naive, young, and shameless.

Jacob tells his sister, "It's okay to beat her her up."  

Ah!  The little bugger is talking about me!

He explains his full backpack he brought from home, "I just pack 'em all up."

Then he adds and I'm looking at a smiling face of confidence.

 "I don't know how, I always beat her."

THE MOTLEY CREW part 1

 

The Motley Crew in the vestibule of Habanero Grill

Part 1

FRONT LEFT: Alayna, Holleigh

DIRECTLY BEHIND:  Ainsley, Noelle

FRONT RIGHT:  Lilly, the face of Jacob, and Jayden

JAYDEN

10 YEARS OLD - CHESS

Spending the day at my house, after missig the bus, for supper Jayden fried himself some eggs, gobbled them all down with toast and sausages, and STILL went home to supper!

Since it was Friday, he asked, "Game night?"  It's my usual open house time slot for board games, so we finished up the evening with chess.   I haven't played in years and years, more like 40 years!  And, I was NEVER very good at it, anyway.  Mostly just knew the moves and rules.

The very first game we played, boy, I hate to admit this ... he won in 4 moves!

Second game I was awarded a compliment.

I only had King, Queen, Rook, and 4 pawns when he said, "Checkmate.  You have no where to go." 

And then the little bugger said, "You're doing much better GrammyPam I can tell you're using your brain." 

ALAYNA 

9 YEARS OLD - GAMES

Alayna decided to stay overnight.   Mom returned with clean clothes and, would you believe, she sat and played a game of Candy Land with us.  Earlier Alayna said, "I want to play games.  Jenga."  

So Mom left, and we did.  We played Jenga and then SORRY! and then it was more Candy Land, several times!

 

Before bedtime, it was bath time.  The grandkids love the whirlpool bath.  They can turn onf the gurgling water jets and create waves and sudsy bubbles.    I was thinking "Nothing like a bubble bath with ....  baby dolls? ...... toy dishes?"  Right?  NOPE.....DINOSAURS!  

Sheesh, I didn't expect that!  I think she's a little tomboy.

NOELLE 

6 YEARS OLD - NOELLE'S ANIMAL GUESS

See following blog:  Noelle's Animal Guess

 

AINSLEY

4 YEARS OLD - AT BAT

See previous blog:  Ainsley Up At Bat

HOLLEIGH

2 YEARS OLD - HIDING

This evening we had fun playing Bad Mood Bingo, and Mean Grandma.  Mean Grandma is hide and seek.  But to get Jayden, the oldest, I would have to get clever such as standing on the tub's edge then reaching to touch the top of his head before he spied me behind the door.  Scared him so badly that he called me Mean Grandma.  

But that little Holleigh, his youngest sister, only 2 years old, hid behind dad who was laying on a twin bed calmly enjoying all the goings ons of hunting behind the closet door, under the beds, behind the curtain, and behind the tall doll house.  I never saw a little child be so still nor did I ever hear one that didn't give itself away by some sound.  She was as quiet as a mouse and as still as a rock.  That toddler, not yet 2 y.o., never did give herself away.

She was buried under the covers that were bunched up behind her dad's back!

Dad was as delighted as she was to fool GrammyPam.

HOLLEIGH

2 YEARS OLD - LOLLIPOP

We've all eaten them.  We all know the commercial "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"

With the grandkids here, I passed out the small bag of them I'd tucked away.  The older 2 went outside, the middle 2 went to the playroom to play dolls, and the baby, under 2 y.o. Holleigh, just hung around me and mom, in and out of the family room and in and out of the kitchen.  

All of a sudden we hear crying from the kitchen, and it's a scared cry.  

Holleigh came hurrying in to mom crying with her purple Tootsie Roll pop partially in her mouth.  My first thought was "Oh, no, she's hurt herself!"

Maybe she bumped into the kitchen table's corner edge or fell, or bumped the stick not realizing how much it stick out.

So surprised was I when Mom started laughing.  Really?  Your child's scared and crying and you're laughing?   Here is this tiny child with tears in her eyes reaching towards Mom and Mom's laughing.  Well, get this.

The Tootsie Roll Pop wasn't being held half in and half out of her mouth because she was just holding it there.  Oh boy, no, she'd gotten the Tootsie Roll Pop stuck in her upper AND lower teeth.

Her mouth was too small!

Now, grandma's laughing.

 

 

Gurgle Gone! Midget? NOOOOO!!!!

At Home Depot I got caught off guard.

This is early in May, the pond feature John had made for me years ago wasn't gurgling water.  I pulled up the pump and it was whirring but not drawing up water to spill through the overturned barrel to re-enter the pond.

Studying the boxes up high in the garden section, Home Depot's fake bird sounds tweeting loudly overhead, I was really concentrating, squinting, looking for a pond water pump.

This was the section where John had spied the black plastic liner for our pond and made the decision of which size pump to purchase.  Well, they weren't there.  I scoured the seasonal section up front and the neighboring aisles in the back, nothing.

When I rounded the corner at the end of the aisle where I thought such things shoud be, there was an African-American man, eyes level with the tray on a grill he was putting together.  My first thought was "MIDGET!"  I'd never met one in person before.  Seen plenty on television but never in person. 

I laughed my head off and without thinking just blurted, "I thought you were a midget!"

He laughed, too, got up off his knees, and stood up and you'd have thought I was meeting Wilt Chamberlain, that's how tall he was!!!!

He towered over me, asked me what I needed, and though we walked the aisles, and he couldn't find them either, he went inside the store and found help, then came back to tell me that they were in "Aisle #32, bin number 9."  What a guy!  What a laugh!

There in the outdoor garden section I had been looking up to find a pump

instead I found myself looking up to find a broad smile!