Friday, May 27, 2022

REBEL ROGUE TAKES A RIDE


"Brrrzzt! Brrzzt!"

"What's that?" 

"5:30 in the morning!  It's still dark out!  Who's sending a video message this time of the morning!"

"Brrrzzt!  Brrrzzt!"

Mind understands, eyes sleepily shut, phone insists.  Fumble, fumble, grope.  Get phone by it's tail (the charging cord) pull it, and you know what happens, the tail disconnects and the bright yellow protective case does its job when the body - thump - hits the floor.  Why do we think we can retrieve a cellphone by it's cord?????

Pudging fingers onto the correct icons is the only way to get it to "Hush!" 

No wonder there were so many vibrations and sounds!  A video message (Marco Polo), and a text message were waking me! 

"Check out the Marco Polo I sent you and Jeani."  Text is from hubby John. Jeani is a lifelong penpal.  We've recently discovered we both love Marco Polo.  

Press icon.

Big and orange, filling the screen, is darling hubby.  Orange is the school's colors for which he drives a bus.

He's grinning. He's proud as a peacock.  He's done something.

"Good morning!" he says.

"I've had a problem with Rebel Rogue the last few mornings," he continues, "She likes to perch on my truck."  And he pans the cell phone's camera over his truck's blue hood.

The blue and white diesel is John's all time favorite pick-up.  When a chicken roosts they leave behind stinky evidence, if you know what I mean.  And in some cases, bird droppings can bleach the color out of vehicles.  

When six year old Jayden heard the story, he said, "I'm not okay with that chicken pooping anywhere!"

"I do not like this!" John tells us via the video message.

"Usually when I start my truck she jumps off!" he's relaying the story.

"This MORNING she did not get off my truck, so when I put it in gear, and reversed to go down the driveway, she stayed on the hood.  When I got to the end of the driveway, instead of turning right to go to work, I turned left, and she still did not get off the hood, so I took her to her original owner!"

Now, I'm awake.  I'm laughing my head off.  I think God does these things, like make a chicken stubborn.  And, I think God helps us out of situations that baffle us, like an easy way to get her home. I must admit, though, like Jeani said, "She's been your entertainment."

Talking to John later, "Well, she'll probably be glad to be home with her other red chickens;
she'll have her friends back.  Chickens are naturally gregarious." 

John expounded, "It was still dark, and there was fog, too.  I could only go 15 mph."

Epilogue:  Piper came out of the garage, slinking slowly - body, tail, and head on a level plane - peering under the truck, turn head left, turn head right, eyes scanning, "Where's that clucker that eats my food?" 

Then cautiously she followed us further, peering under my car the same way.  She followed us  to the deck, and - jump - up onto the picnic table.  She poses there, elegant, totally black, and content, regally taking her rightful place.


Happily, it's not an epitaph on a tombstone ...

Rebel Rogue Will Be Missed.  









Tuesday, May 17, 2022

REBEL ROGUE & THE THINGS I LEARNED


Things I Learned From A Chicken 


1.  A clapped-trained chicken doesn't always understand they're trained.

2.  A double-dog ambushed chicken will go back to be ambushed another day.

3.  Like that song "I ain't afraid o' no snakes", they sure ain't, they eat 'em!

4.  Cat food, wet or dry, is better than chicken feed.

5.  They're afraid of large predators like owls & coyotes, unless you buy a plastic one and set it on the porch; then it amuses them.

6.  There's a poem about shoo'ing chickens by James Whitcomb Riley:

          Little Orphant Annie’s come to our house to stay,

          An’ wash the cups an’ saucers up, an’ brush the crumbs away,

          An’ shoo the chickens off the porch

I was told to holler "shoo"and "git",  and wield a yard stick.

7.  Why they bob their heads:  "The chicken will move its head forward, then lock its head (and therefore its eyes) in place. allowing its vision to stabilize and give the eyes enough time to survey their surroundings for predators, while allowing their body to catch up to their head."

8.  They have  better vision than humans -- they can see violet and ultraviolet light of the sun coming up.

This means roosters can see the sunrise and crow well before humans can see the sunrise - - often, this is around an hour ahead of time.  Throwing your husband's shoe will not stop the "doodle-doo".

9.  They can 3-way multitask -- strut, bah-gawk, and poop

10.  They have individual personalities = ours is nosy and pushy

11.  They will not share their food with their reflection.  Their reflection is the  enemy, peck at it.

12.  It doesn't have to be Easter-time, they can hide their eggs anytime!

13.  They walk with forward bent knees.

14.  Sitting on the edge of a birdbath hydrates the bird and fertilizes the plants below!

15.  Barking, and squawking, coming from the neighbors helps you locate your rogue chicken.

16.  They can outrun a 3 y.o. toddler.

17.  They can outrun a 3 y.o. toddler heaving a ball!

18.  They can outrun a 3 y.o. toddler heaving a ball, and his faster sister, and his 3 squealing cousins.

19.  No one wants a free-range chicken

20.  No one wants a free free-range chicken.  

21.  No one wants a non-laying free free-range chicken.

Shipping Crate Destination Sticker:  

Ship via Amazon Prime.  
Mountains of Appalachia, Kentucky.  
Care of Colonial Sanders!



6.  


Wednesday, May 11, 2022

REBEL ROGUE & THE GETAWAY

What happens when you squeeze a chicken too hard?
You get Popeye's Chicken!

That's what I could've told the stranger who came honking down our driveway.  

"I didn't want to scare you, so I honked first," he said.  

"I see you have some vehicles just sitting around," he said as he stepped out of his car.  The neighbors, who look like they're part of our property, have 2 vehicles, an RV, and a boat lined up along their barn.  We have a black pick-up we're going to sell, but this older gentleman was interested in our RV. 

"Sorry, sir, it's not for sale"

At this point Rebel Rogue, being nosy, come between us, head bobbing, cocking one trusty eye towards him, then turning the other trusty eye towards me, noting we weren't casting corn, strutted off towards the grass.

"But I have a free chicken!"  That got a resentful squawk.

   Rebel Rogue, though chicken, not rooster, is the cock of the walk!
She tried for the prize of best in show,  it didn't work even when she became very cock-y.
That was a joke, ha, ha.
    We  tried to catch her.  We watched YouTube for tips & tricks. 

"How To Catch Your Chicken Without Running Around Like An Idiot!".

  Rebel, the rogue chicken, doesn't have to cross a road to try to get to the other side, it's butts up, and fly down!







The YouTube creator said, "Make a chicken hook, grab the ankles, fold in the wings, and tuck her under your arm."

We tried.  I said, "WE TRIED!"

If you ask me, that's one scary chicken, a poultrygeist!

I heard another joke.  What happened when the elephant crossed the road?
He stepped on a chicken!

    Now, he's Popeyes Chicken!  Oh, boy!

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

REPORTING: REBEL ROGUE EVIDENTIARY TRAILS & THE OLD HOME PLACE



Reporter:  What is a chicken's evidentiary trail?

Owner:   Rebel Rogue's only interest in life is FOOD!  Isn't it that way with chickens?  They scratch, they peck, they strut, they poop.  Sorry, I didn't know how to put it nicely.  But, they strut and poop at the same time. That's an evidentiary trail.  

Reporter:  Does a chicken make a good pet?


Owner:  Rebel Rogue?  Hah.  Remember the name.  She's a rebel she's independent, her arrival said it all!   A few chickens will make a good pet.  Rebel Rogue is NOT one of the few.   

Reporter:  I understand chickens can see better than humans, do you think that's true?

Owner:  Chickens see the violet light of the rising sun before we do.   They crow and cluck and wake you up!  And since Rebel Rogue refuses to eat the green bits of Piper's food, I'd say that's true.

Reporter:  Tell me more about Rogue, Piper, and the food.

Owner:  It lays for days!  Rebel let that cracked corn lay for days.  Like I said, Rebel is after the food -- the cat's food!   Oh, she'll get into the piles of dry leaves along the fence and scratch until its all out into the yard so she can get to the bugs, and worms.  But she's always nosing around, "Where'd they feed that cat last?"

She even pecks the bits of Piper's dry food out of the cracks of wooden deck slats and whatever gets stuck between the picnic table boards.  Cracked corn is cheaper than cat food, and we cast it towards her but she ignores it.   

Reporter:  Which does Rebel like best, Piper's wet or dry?

Owner:  Both, she likes both.  But I'm wondering what's wrong with green since she leaves them behind.  
Supposedly, she learned that from her mother hen. 

Reporter:  I've heard you've found eggs in all the wrong places.

Owner:  Well, the first three eggs we found were on the tool bench in the garage!  Why roost there?  The weather had been cool and rainy, I suspected they were good, I boiled 'em.  We ate 'em last night.

A stray egg I just found amongst the lilies.  I didn't know about its age, and since the weather had warmed up, I cracked it open to give it a sniff.  It was fine!  Should've ate it, too.

Reporter:  Isn't there a test for that?

Owner:  Yes.  I'd forgotten.   Hubby reminded me that I could've floated it.

Reporter:  Only 4 eggs?  Don't they lay one a day?

Owner:   A chicken should.  Rebel's been here 10 days, so there's 6 eggs somewhere!!!!  Her bodily smells, and the fermenting smell of the cracked corn, it rained, you know, will be attracting predators.  Chicken tenders for a fox!  "Would you like fries with that?"  chuckle.

Reporter:  So, you'll be taking her home soon?

Owner:  We really need to catch her!  But did you know they can run 9 miles an hour!  Catching will be a trick.  Maybe we just need a pick-up.  That's how she arrived, remember, LOL!   "Here, chicky-chicky, hop up into the trucky-truck!"  Think that'll work?  LOL.

Reporter:  Do you know where she came from, have you driven by there?

Owner:  Oh, you should see the place!  I should've taken a picture!  Just visualize Ma & Pa Kettle!  I kid you not, it was like a black and white photo in today's Kodachrome world.  

Like an old jalopy in hillbilly land, we first had to weave around a black chicken with feathered legs strutting down the county road, mindless.

Then the visual!  A 3 story farm house, dung colored, set behind a far-reaching very large maple tree.  An upside-down wicker love seat, an overturned 5 gallon bucket, a stray shovel, kids riding toys, a yellow plastic slide, in a yard of mud!  There was no grass except where the lady of the house had dreams of beautification -- a sweet bed of black dirt and newly planted orange, blue and yellow flowers.  The ramp to the porch dwarfed the flower bed view, though.  But that ramp wasn't for a wheelchair, the rug spread over it, covered in mud, was for the livestock hooved feet to catch hold!  

There was an aged hairy pig standing on the porch blocking the front door.  He gave us a scowling look.

Reporter:   What about the chickens, were there 38?

Owner:  They were everywhere!  Chickens run amuck!  Two were under the patio table, four came out of the dilapidated shed, and one walked under the belly of the pig.  Dogs were tethered to an old truck yanking themselves silly, at full length barking and trying desperately to get to the chickens teasing them.  They were within pecking distance, you know.  Chickens were everywhere!  

Reporter:  Any last stunning details or something of interest about Rebel's old home?

Owner:  Well.  Sure.   Now that I think about it, there was this one thing.  A large 4 x 8 sheet of plywood propped up by a plow in the middle of the paddock that read in crude black spray paint "House and 6 Acres For Sale"! 

With a rusted livestock trailer or two in the weeds, the old transit school bus sunk on the hill, and a garden hose stretched long across the cracked sidewalk leading to nowhere, they'll never get their asking price.  

And unless she's pining for a rooster, Rebel Rogue will never go home.

Reporter:  Are you sure, she'd have freedom and friends?

Owner:  True.  But remember, Rebel's only interest in life is food and the old home place has a chicken proof yard -- impeccable!

She ain't no chicken chicken.








Tuesday, May 3, 2022

REBEL ROGUE TURNS BULLY

Rebel Rogue has turned into a bully.

As soon as we can catch her, she has to go.


Everywhere Piper, the cat, goes, so goes Rebel.           


The cat laps from the pond, so sips Rebel.




The cat walks along the fence, so sits Rebel.



The cat eats on the picnic table for privacy, up jumps Rebel.



The cat finds a sunny spot on the back deck to sleep, so sleeps Rebel.






The cat's food bowls are tucked into the garage for security, in side-steps Rebel and lays an egg.  

3 eggs!


Piper's not a fighter.  Piper is a survivor.   Piper's in hiding.


Piper was here first; Piper has rights. 

Piper purrs, Piper meows, Piper has the softest furs.

Piper is not needy.  Piper is content.

Keep her water bowl full, her crunchy food dry, and her wet food full of gravy,

and Piper will bring birds, and mice, and voles, 

and she discourages errant moles!

Piper lays gifts at the door, and on the garage floor.

Pipe gives ankle rubs accompanied with motoring sounds of love.

 

Piper has the right to go about as a cat goes about.

Rebel has to go!








Monday, May 2, 2022

REBEL ROGUE HIDING

 Rebel Rogue's been hiding. 

 She's being very careful how far she gets from this evergreen tree pictured at the left.    She's very wary since Loco, the dog, came sniffing around.
  
   If the photo came through, you can see she's behind the old log we set in the grass.  It was placed there for
grandkids on which to walk and learn 
to keep their balance, but she's making use of it, her way.

Rebel Rogue's made herself two hiding places, the one you know under the low hanging branches, the other is outside the fence, and it, too, is under low hanging branches.  To make a nest, she scratches and pecks, and scratches some more pulling dried leaves, and soft needles into a pile.  Then she lowers her girth and swishes her body to round them out for her to sit in.  So far, no eggs.

Rebel's finally found the pond, yesterday I saw her standing on the landscape brick whole body bending, butt up, beak down, sipping.  Before, she was drinking from the cat bowl, but we've hid them.

I'm trying my best to get her used to me, going out a couple times a day and approaching her in different ways.  She will come to within 6 feet when clapping.  And she's very interested when you cast, whether it's bread, or cracked corn.  

She's getting brave when I'm inside the house.  She comes out to peck in the grass, or the piled leaves by the foundation.  Always head up!   Turn one eye slightly right, then the other eye slightly left.  Raise one foot.  Hold that pose.  Move!  Gently now, gently move....

I opened the door ever so slowly, to take a picture, and "Whoops!" the hinge creak sends her scurrying.  Straight to the corner!  She thinks if she stands really still where fence and house meet behind the burning bush, I can't see her.  

We'll have a relationship yet.

"I, too, am sniffing out your hiding places Rebel Rogue." 

Sunday, May 1, 2022

REBEL ROGUE AND SNAKES


You know Rebel Rogue had been pecking at her reflection in the sliding glass door, and to discourage her from doing that I had hung a long thick dark green rubber 
snake on the handle.  And it's worked great.

Then when friend Nova suggested wrapping the cat food bowl with the snake I thought, "Let's combine the two, I'll set the cat's bowls under that hanging snake." 

But yesterday, she braved that hanging snake and ate the cat food anyway!

Since we were going to town to visit Rusty and sick family we popped into Dollar General.  As I was walking down the aisle I spied a little rubber snake.  Hey!  Let's buy a couple for use against Rebel Rogue!
 
These are smaller, and skinnier.  We placed on either side of the cat's bowls.

So far so good. 


But then...the next day, Rebel Rogue high-stepped it between the two snakes.  BETWEEN THEM!

The other snake near the door?  Never fear, Rebel Rogue is here!  She stepped ON it!!!



l


REBEL ROGUE PLAYS CHICKEN

Rebel Rogue, I tell you, is living up to her name!

Remember, she's clap trained?

Well, that depends on her mood!

I clapped and clapped and she didn't come.  I cast cracked corn and she didn't come.  I put out cat food and she didn't come.  

So, I went back into the house.  

Between our house and the neighbors is a row of evergreen trees, they create a border.

And...the land rises, so there's a slight hill.

My shed blocks that view.

Under those trees is a nice bed of soft needles, lots of leftover Autumn leaves and plenty of shade.  Rebel Rogue goes there for the bugs, I'm sure.  I think she lived up there for a night and day before I knew she was here.  She may have even made a nest up there.  Sure does like scratching!

Even now, I'll bet if the dogs weren't there, she'd live up there.   

Back to Rebel not coming when I clap -- the next thing I hear is 

"BARK-BARK-BARK!  WOOF!" and dual "GROWL-OW-OWL!"  
"Gro-owl!"

Immediately came a

"Squawk-squawk, SQUA-AWK!"  and a terrible continuous rustling of tree leaves, then a final scudding sound hitting in gravel!

"Ri-ing-ri-ing-ring!"  That was my phone.  Caller I.D. said it was the neighbor.  Oh, boy, you can read between the lines now, can't you.

Rebel Rogue had been to the neighbors and his two German Shepherds had her on her back, thankfully, she got away flying low through the trees and landing in our driveway.

"Pam, is that your chicken?"  


"Well, Mr. Mike, it's a long story."  I told him all about Rebel Rogue's quest to get here.  

He made a unilateral decision.
"I'll just take the dogs with me today."

So this morning, it's a repeat.  I clap.  She doesn't come.  I cast.  She doesn't come.  I feed the cat.  She doesn't come.


I hear a bark and a growl.  Magically, she's back!

Now, she's acting all shy, won't come to within 10 feet of me.  She's hiding in the bushes.  I know the truth.  She went where she wasn't supposed to go.  She's scared silly.  

Rebel Rogue needs to quit living up to her name or she's gonna becomes someone's chicken dinner.  Just add garlic!