IN THE WORDS OF FALLEN JOHN

John fell down the steps.  Later, when confessing to doing 3 things at once -- carrying a cup of coffee, descending the mountain of steps, and trying to rotate a lens to turn on a flashlight -- he joked about it. 

"I decided to keel off the steps.  I only had 4 to go...."

At med-check, when they took his blood pressure, he disagreed, "That's not right!"

Then the doctor's attendant came to discuss his arm, the worst injury.  She explored the shoulder and arm joint, but he's not one to say "Ouch" or complain.  His way of saying you found the sore spot was, 

"You're doing a good job."

"Ah.  No.  Let's not do that!"

To his chagrin she palpitated even more!

****

Me:  Which do you want for supper, chili, Italian chicken, or tuna salad sandwiches?

John:  I'll eat the chili another day, for a special occasion.

Me:  What special occasion?

John:  When I'm in a bad mood and I need something good to eat.

Okaaaaa...we'll go with that.

***

Some one said to John, "You were brave marrying the preacher's daughter!"

John, ever the quick wit, "Young and stupid."

I jumped in, "What?  You're sorry?"

John, saving face again, "Never have I been!!!!"

***

We were laughing about Neil Sedaka's song Calendar Girl (John's a trivia buff when it comes to music) and the movie Calendar Girls and their funny lines, "It's not naked, it's nude!'  "What's the difference?"  "It's art!" 

 

I asked, "Am I your Calendar Girl?"

John said, "Yes, you're my little Calendar Girl."

"Which month?"  I'm teasing him now, I know I'm "No Raving Beauty" as my mother and brothers attested to many times in my life, I just wanted to get a rise out of him.

His eyes were mischievously twinkling. I've been one-upped! 

He delivered a double entendre!   

He grinned, "Every one. A classic. I go crazy over folds." 

***

As I said, John's a music trivia buff, and today we're watching Jeopardy's music questions.

"Is Taylor Swift still recording songs?"  I curiously asked him.

He replied, "She's winning all kinds of awards.   She's too famous to sing."

Etymology or Entomology, Bugged by Words

"The difference between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can't put into words."

When I read that little pun, I laughed and thought, "Perfect! That's perfect!"

I've always been fascinated with words. It started when I was a toddler. Mom said, "Pam, go wash the hall wall."

"Huh?" I stopped playing.

"What did I do, why?" I really couldn't bring to mind why she was telling me, me of all the kids, to go clean the wall.

"Those are your pencil marks, go wash it off." Mom insisted.

"How'd you know?" I doubted.

Her finger pointed to the three childish penciled letters there, which plain as day spelled my name, "P, A, M." I cleaned the wall.

Then Mom talked in code to Dad, "Honey, please bring me home a p, o, p."

"Hey, that spells pop," I piped up.

Then Mom spelled in brand names, "Honey, please bring me home a P, e, p, s, i."

"You mean a Pepsi, I want some." I chimed in.

Then Mom got clever, "Honey, please bring me home an i, s, p, e, p."

"Oh, I get it, that's Pepsi spelled backwards!" I felt smart!

Yet, she had one more trick up her sleeve, "Honey, please bring me home a epsipay"

And thus, I learned the language of Pig Latin, LOL. What fun.

Mom built the fire of word fascination.

If we didn't know the word, we were told "Go look it up." Mom threw out decrepit. What a thing to say about our aged dog Mustard! One time we overheard her telling Dad as a woman it was her prerogative. To me she said, "Go look it up."

When high school offered an elective on Newswriting Derivatives, of course I took it. It was all about word origination, their base, and words evolved from that base. Fascinating.

ambulare

ambulatory

ambulance

perambulator

pram

See how it goes.

Somewhere in my school years I began reading the Bible, but first the dictionary, oh the salacious words in there! "Hold up the back cover, don't let anyone see over your shoulder." Good advise.

The Bible has some tough words, lascivious, concupiscence. Not only is the meaning obscure to a young mind, but so is the pronunciation.

Ah, pronunciation. As an avid reader I knew and saw the same big words over and over again but sometimes didn't know the pronunciation, hadn't heard them spoken aloud. If I dared speak them aloud, jeering laughter was my reward. Superfluous was super-flew-us. Penelope was pen-a-lope. And, seriously, do you spell vittles like victuals?

Oh, ho, there are surprising words in the Bible, words I thought were modern, such as suburb.

Sometimes I wonder if all the dictionary words are in the Bible because furniture, heaves and beeves are in there.  So are blasting and mold.  

Then there's the "Wonderful World of Color", to quote Disney.  These are fancy words for crayon colors:

burnt Sienna - red brown

cerise - deep red

chartreuse - yellow green

xanthous - yellow

And fruit by any other name is still a fruit:
geoluhread - orange 

naranga - lemon

Interesting, isn't it?

Well, we've gone this whole time without exploring the "Bugs Show" and that's not the bunny.  Let's go there for a minute.

Palmetto bug doesn't sound too bad, does it?  Humpth, gotcha, it's a roach!  A grasshopper is a locust, did you know that?  Lampyris...here I'll be the teacher...what's the core word?  Lamp.  Now think about the topic, etymology or bugs, so what's lamp + bug?  You got it, a glowworm or lightning bug!  

Bugs aren't really my thing, unless they are a word or words that stir the mind.  Parasitic Transmission, you think that's a bug in your vehicles mechanics?   Nah, it's a disease spread between animals and people; a zoonotic disease!

Zoonotic diseases can also be known as zoonoses.  Which leads me to the zoo and how animal noses can slip between the bars and suck up your peanuts, or drool drool all over "yule" and how Dr. Seuss made up words and they brungs so much funs!

Hopefully, this was fun.  Now, enjoy your readings and go make up your own words.

By the way, the trick to remembering the difference between etymology and entomology?  Et is for etymology (word) and ant is for entomology (insects).  "She et the ant."

Sigh, oh, okay, there's that discord with proper pronunciation.  I guess you just have to be a gal raised by a southern gal and use her southern accent to get it.

"Honey, would you please bring me home a container of half-dozen of caramel hued amorphous-solid vessels of liquids for hydration?"

Nothing Like the Smell of Grandma's House!

Don't you just love the smell of percolating coffee first thing of a morning.  

Dad drank coffee, instant, always with the Nescafe.

My mother drank hot tea, Lipton was the best she said.  

But nothing beat grandma's.  Her coffee richly filled the air.  It percolated on the little porcelain white table tucked into a tiny space connecting dining room & closet-sized kitchen.  

Maxwell House, that was the brand.  Hooked to electricity with black cord, it bubbled and steamed and made the steel outside hot.  It's aroma, beckoned.  It pulled you out of bed, right into the kitchen.

Grandma's house was sufficient, with 4 rooms below and 2 large rooms above.  Wood everywhere - wainscoting, rosette blocks above doors, dark paneling in living room, wood stairs exposed in the closet under them, and a dark brown column between the kitchen and back door.  

Wonder if everything smelled and tasted so good because of the atmosphere, and because I was visiting alone, no parents, no siblings, no cousins, just me waking up to a warm kitchen padding around in my bare feet.

Sitting next to the coffee pot was a jar of homemade orange marmalade; sweet and gooey and just a touch chewy.  Yum!  

The kitchen was tight and homey, galley style, with that old-fashioned wallpaper, old-fashioned enamel white cook stove where grandma fried up sausages under a secret flap, her cigarette and grandad's cigar smells permeating everything, and the coal-fed Warm Morning stove emitting cozy heat.

There was nothing like the loving feel, and enveloping smells of grandma's house!!!

Especially this time.  This time I get taught; I get to fry the sausage and percolate the coffee!

Lilly's Shrimp & Easter Chicks

Lilly's Shrimp & Easter Chicks

It was just after CHRISTMAS, a pleasant relaxing Sunday afternoon.  The grandkids were playing and entertaining themselves nicely.  Their mom was crossed legged on the couch crocheting something blue and gray, very attractive.  The men were jawing about their favorite vehicle on the Marketplace ad that was pulled up on the computer screen.

Here came 6 y,o, Miss Lilly.  Walking carefully like a waitress with a charger, she was holding out a small box -- light blue and about 4 inches square. 

In it were 3 same-alike toys, and some rubbery insects.  She went around offering us each some food from her tray.  Acting like a polite waitress taking your order, she held it forth and asked, "Cockroach or shrimp?"

Oh, really???

It's almost EASTER time, we just enjoyed Valentines.

And the grandkids, not me, magnetized their drawings onto my refrigerator.

There's something surprising to me about grandkids.  First, let me say they've been taught by their parents how to behave.  And I've made my home kid friendly such as, there are enough staplers and scotch tape dispenser to go around.  The toys set low.  And my pretties and heirlooms sit high.  But I never gave it a thought that grandkids would act like my home is their home.  And they would feel so free and comfortable to help themselves to anything that might appeal to them. 

I love that.  I love that feeling.  

But I digress.  Back to the fridge face and chickies.

Jaden and Alayna were here, Noelle and Ainsley were playing about and around.  Jacob was pushing little yellow construction dozers and backhoes.  And Miss Lilly was teaching all that were interested in how to make little chicks out of white paper.

She had been taught in pre-school and then she taught Jayden and Alayna.  

Now, my fridge face is magnetized with hearts that are humanized.  The hearts have eyes and legs and hair, oh my!

The little round chickies have snipped black edges, and yellow beaks.  The best one disappeared, they were bright yellow with brown spindly kegs.  Afterwards,  I couldn't find them anywhere.  I suspect mothers were involved.

Looking at the refrigerator, it's covered in love.  The frog magnets are moved, so the proud drawings can get mounted, "Up top, GrammyPam!" 

It's gonna be, no, it IS a happy Easter.  

Isn't it grand they feel so "free to be".

I love that.  

   

Noelle. Run. Hide. Seek.

NOELLE

CAUGHT!  Eating snow again!

Oct. 2021 - 2 y.o.

Noelle hid between the Murphy table and refrigerator, when they asked Spencer to find her, he couldn't.  You could see him go into panic mode.  He was more fun to watch than she --scuttling to check the garage, searching the great outdoors.  We just calmly pointed to her, squatting and hiding with a big cheesy grin.

Nov. 2022 - 3 y.o.

Yep, we had 2 overnighters.  It was going to be 3 but the little one, Noelle, wouldn't mind me, so dad came and got her.  They have to mind for safety's sake.  We knew beforehand it was going to be a test run.  

In her mind it's "run, run, as fast as you can, can't catch me".  To the top of the stairs she'd go to hang her legs over.  3 times she did this and wouldn't come down....can't have the danger of that!

She was cute, tho.  We played MEAN GRANDMA which is a hide and seek game, and Noelle insisted on being on my team.  As we went snooping out the hiders she HAD to hold my hand. 

Feb. 2023 - 4 y.o.  

We dropped off Jayden and Alayna.  Their siblings crowd us at our ankles and knees.  Ainsley is the youngest who usually favors grandpa John.  Noelle comes to me and bounces, "Up!"

So, up she comes.  I squeeze and cuddle and whisper, "I love you."  

Oddly, she's rubbing my red coat.  It's not so cold outside as it is windy, so I'm all zipped up and she's rubbing my coat.  In her particularly husky voice, childlike, she explains.

"You're soft."

Alayna Drawing

Alayna  

Oct. 2021 - 4 y.o. only the last 2 days!

It was my birthday, and they had sung to me at church so to tease Alayna because her birthday was just 2 days ago, I said, "Alayna!  Guess what, it's my birthday today!"   

The whole room was laughing out loud because she jumped up in the kitchen chair, poked her fork at her chest, and declared, "It's MY birthday!" 

 

Aug. 2022 - 4 y.o.

I'm off.  Clinton and Rusty with families finally arrived, that means I can leave.   We're camping at an antique tractor show.  My camper is across the ravine.  They are on the other side, about 4 campsites apart.  We stay for several days, sometimes a week.

Yesterday I had Jayden for the afternoon.  We did boy things.

I promised Alayna she could come with me the next day.  She explained to her mom.

"I get to go with GrammyPam, all by myself, and Jayden can't come!"  

Whoah, a little rivalry there, LOL!

***

New day, new plans, and from across the ravine my ride has arrived -- a triple axle, double seater, 6 wheeled Cub Cadet!   I hear Clint talking to my brother Gary.

"Which window is my mother's bedroom window, I'm gonna wake her up!"  

Nov. 2022 - 5 y.o.

See photo above, the little red bug on yellow paper.

"Alayna, what is that?" I didn't get the answer I was expecting.

"It's a cat!"

Dec. 2022  - 5 y.o.

Jayden and Alayna came for a visit.  We watched Runaway Ralph (Mouse) on tv.  Then made Santas using toilet paper rolls.  Jayden, aged 7, had his completed, then skipping it around on the table asked it in a deep voice, "What do you want for Christmas?"

Alayna, though only 5 is quick as ever, reprimanded, "You're Santa, dude!"

Jan. 2023 - 5 y.o.

As we took the grandkids home, I asked questions from the drivers seat, they were each in a back car seat.  Alayna answered but I didn't think Jayden heard me, so I raised my voice and asked again.  Alayna clarified the situation.

"Him not talking.  When him not talking he's asweep." 

Feb. 2023 - 5 y.o.

At the kitchen table with Alayna and her brother, Jayden, we're making Valentine's Day cards. 2 for each, one apiece for mom and dad.  Surprisingly, Alayna can't spell her name.  She's smart as a whip and can count like anything, but she doesn't know her letters.  

So, I make a letter in black then have her trace it in red, "Make it change colors", I said.

Then for more solidification, because she wants to make a top to bottom line go at a diagonal I have her make vertical lines by connecting the dots.

She finally is able to make a decent circle.  But I hear her giggling.  I look up, check out her letter O, and she's pointing to the spuds on the counter.  With crinkles at her eyes, and a impish smile on her lips she says,

"It looks like a potato!"

Jayden and Animals

Jayden

Sept. 2022 - 7 y.o.

See the photo left?  That is a small black boot scraper.  The grandkids, no matter how small, and even when they first learn to walk, try their best to pick it up and carry it around.  When Jayden and I were leaving for his house, I spied it resting on its nose.  Never knowing what's in a kid's mind, or what they'll say, I just had to ask.

"Why is the dachshund resting like that?"  

His answer, "He's doing pushups!"

Nov.  2022 - 7 y.o.

Piper, our black cat, was watching us from the picnic table, looking disenchanted.  Being a typical boy, Jayden was fast walking backwards.  First, he looked at the cat, then at me, and said,

"I'm speaking Cat English, "me-ow!"

Jan. 2023 - 7 y.o.

Months and months ago I'd introduced Jayden to the sitcom ALF.  When visiting here, invariably the grandkids want to watch a bit of cartoons or a funny kid show, but our Comcast package doesn't include any of those.  

So, I introduced Jayden to the series ALF, and he thought it the funniest thing that this talking dog-like creature would chase a cat to eat it.  Offhand, during a round of Mean Grandma, aka hide and seek, trying to remember what the acronym stood for as I was walking down the hall I softly said to myself, "Alien Life Form".  Ooops, Jayden heard me.  He rolled that around on his tongue a second, muttering, then that smart boy said, 

"Hey, that's ALF!  You're talkin' 'bout ALF.  Can we watch him now?"  

Feb. 2023 - 7 y.o.

Jayden's currently in 2nd grade, he's growing up.  The toys that he used to play with don't interest him.  He's not paling around with his little sisters anymore, and I can see him searching for something more meaningful to do.  

So, we got out the round board game of Aggravation.  4 marbles for each player have to go from base to home all the way around the board.  Other players, if they've rolled the correct number on the die, can take your spot and knock you back to base to start all over.  

Jayden is learning fast!  Alayna is still struggling and just plays because he does.  For now, we tell her what moves to make. 

This evening Jayden kept rolling 6's.  It was getting predictable; he seemed charmed.  

"Jayden, you little stinker, you rolled another six," I joked.

He was quick on the draw.  Leaning forward with elbows on the table, his face to mine, Jayden had a twinkle in his eye.  He laughed and made his move.  

"This little stinker is about to knock you out!"

Tickle A Turtle

TICKLE  A  TURTLE

Tickle a turtle 

Watch him withdraw

Into his shell

Now he won’t crawl

Back rub a cat

Hear her meow

Run for cover!

Yet, night sees her prowl

Sing to a husky

He’ll howl, too

Nose to the moon

A mystical view 

Pinch his legs

A grasshopper spits

He wants let loose

He can’t do the splits!

Jump like a frog

Be slow as a sloth

Knock at the window

Just like a moth

Hang like a bat

Sleep head down

Cross your arms

High above ground  

Tickle your turtle

He’ll retract

Crawl under your covers

You both take a nap

John's Funny

       John's Funny

It is the strangest quirk and in all these years I have not discovered its source, its reasons, its need, or its origins.  It happens before the hour, every evening, every day.   John, most times, doesn't even realize he's doing it.

He doesn't plan it, but he gets up and he's activated.  What's strange about that? 

It's always, let me emphasis, ALWAYS 10 minutes before the hour.  Not 5, not 15, but 10 minutes, always.

It's a frustrating quirk.  Why?  Because we'll watch a 2 hour movie and before it ends, he gets up and is gone.  

"JOHN!  It's not over, there's 10 minutes to go!"

One time when I was exasperated, to make light of it, John said,  "Magic that way, I am, I have a gift.”

One wintery evening, cold and snowy, I was in the kitchen and John was in the family room, I suggested he search Netflix for a good movie to watch, something lighthearted and funny.  He didn't respond, but from the next room I did hear him mutter.

"Click on category comedies, if only I knew how to do that."

I'm watching jeopardy.  John's in the den."

FINAL JEOPARDY:  In 2022 she became the first woman to have a Billboard Top 10 album in 5 decades starting with the 1980s

ANSWER:  Who is Madonna? 

Listening from the other room, John offhandedly comments, "I don't like Madonna."

I asked anyway, "Can you bring up her song Finally Enough Love?  I'd like to know what her top-hit song sounds like."

John loves music.  John has a play list.  John loves his cellphone and his access to any song.

Remember, he's in the other room, talking to himself.  He sing-singed with a girlie voice, and a high pitch on the last word,  

"You'll be sorr-ree."

We were all seated at a long table in the middle of Perkins restaurant.  One son, Clint, was on John's right, I was on his left.  3 sons and wives were across from us.  

Grandkids were in a booth behind me and 3 y.o. Jacob was acting up.  I reached around behind John to tap Clint on his shoulder, "Look at your son."  

Immediately, John, not Clint, scanned his 3 sons across from us, looked at Clint on his right and piped up.

"What's the problem, they're all eating."

One more funny before I go.

 This story John loves to tell chuckling.

A fellow bus driver was talking to his wife who was standing at steps of the big yellow bus.  When they were done, and she'd walked away, John went up to him.

"Kurt, if you want to keep the lady from walking off, you'll need something more sporty!"

And that's my John!