Thursday, December 14, 2023

Giraffe Carafe

Giggles in the air.  Toddlers chasing.  Adults telling silly stories.  Diners diving for desserts saving fried chicken for later.  

We were sitting at the long white dinner table, relatives and visitors on all sides.  I told the incident to brother, sister-in-law, their granddaughter, my friend, and whoever else was sitting nearby.

Granddaughter was laughingly involved with her young aunt, being silly with sparkling eyes and not really paying too much attention to me.

"I broke my carafe!"

Ahs of sympathies and surprise.

"All because the bell sleeve of this red blouse caught the handle!"  I raised my arm to show the sleeve off, "It fell to the floor before I could catch it."

"It was awful, glass went everywhere, it shattered into a million pieces!"

Their granddaughter said, "Giraffe?  You broke a giraffe?"  

I laughed, "No, I broke a carafe."

She looked blank.  She'd never heard the word.  Her grandmother had to explain it was a clear pot to a drip coffee maker.  Then granddaughter turned to her playmate, whispering, laughing.

"Yah," I said, "I broke a giraffe.  The horns went that way.  The legs shot off across the floor in the opposite direction.  Who knows where the head went but the spots just exploded and filled the air like stars from a sparkler!"  and I did the wiggling fingers in the air mime.

She laughed, her eyes got big with an idea, "It's purple tongue reached up and slapped itself in the eyes!"  

Yes!  Way to embellish!  A joke I could look up to!


Monday, December 11, 2023

Dear Hubby Passed Away A Week Ago Saturday

 Turn on the lights!

And shut that door!


There are no words, only screams.  


Get out of bed, get out of my head.  

Shut that door, HIS closet door of reminders.  

"Turn on lights," years earlier HIS mother had said.


Baby steps.  

Morning routine.  New.


I haven't changed the sheets in weeks.  For today....I make the bed.

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow I change the sheets.  Baby steps.


I have no reason to live, but I do.

So I brush the teeth and brush the hair

and put on clothes though no-one'll care.  Baby steps.


All are gone - back to their own homes

                     - back to work

                     - back to their families

                    - back to full lives and others smiles

I ponder what to wear all the while

Though no-one's here to care.


A maid is what I need.

A maid to do my work,

Cause something's heavy in my chest that I need to address.

Something's heavy in my head.  A stone is my heart.

The thoughts and cries of disbelief want a voice, want heard, want gutterly uttered.

Sensible me, self-preserving me, wants no part!


If I had a maid 

to do my work

I could sit and fight and wrestle -- those demons address.


Baby steps.

Morning routine.  New.

So, I swish and swipe and wonder at the necessity of it all.


As I dress another door is shut.  Not HIS, mine.  

Block the reminders, shut the door.

Save the sanity, 

Swallow the screams

Dress in your go-to-town no-one-cares blue jeans.


Check the laundry and fold the clothes. the blue bath towel is HIS, so threadbare.

Threadbare.

I'm threadbare.

HE was threadbare.

The towel can be replaced.


That's all.