POEMS - Ho, Ho, Ho, Where's The Mistletoe? and JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Preface

When I was in fifth grade, the music teacher, old Mr. Warnick, short, rotund, motivating and very smart, came into class and chose me and Bruce Whistler to read The Night Before Christmas.

At first I didn't realize what was going on, but we took turns reading segments of this poem between choir classes that were singing specific songs for specific passages.

 

There we were standing in the auditorium, before 2,000 people!!! 

Mr. Warnick had one of those microphones on a poplar cabinet with wheels set up that would once in awhile give out a high-pitched squawk!

To this day, I can recite that whole poem.

I was just doing what adults asked me to do, so for years it didn't dawn on me that it was an honor. 

Here's a couple of poems I wrote just for the fun of it.

HO, HO, HO, WHERE'S THE MISTLETOE?

Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't know
Ho, ho, ho, where's the mistletoe?
Up on your toes, get you a kiss
From your jolly own St. Nick!

Fill up the stockings, over the cuff
Little red boxes, full of hot stuff,
One that will open 'n' twinkle your eyes,
Sparkles n'glitter, what a surprise!

Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't know
Ho, ho, ho, where's the mistletoe?
Steal you a kiss, quick, quick, quick
From yours truly, good St. Nick!

Up on the housetop, watch the sunrise
Wish on a star, dreaming through the skies.
What comes next, a knock at the door,
Amazon's here, let's wrap some more!

Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't know
Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go?
Up on their toes for a quick kiss
From mom 'n' dad hug master & miss!

JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS

It was a few days before Christmas when all through the house

we watched the cat Piper chasing a mouse.

Our kids were not snuggled asleep in their beds.

They weren't jump-jumping and hitting their heads.

I had diced fruit, made drinks for a snack

Dad had just settled in for his digestion attack

When what to our surprised ears should we both hear

but a knock at the door "It's open.  Come in, m'dear!"

Then in walks the sons, with little ragamuffins

Breathless from running just a'huffin' and puffin'.

They tore off their shoes, they gave them a fling.

They threw down their packs, those zippers went "zing".

They ran to the toys like elves on a mission

lined up the trucks in dumping position.

Some grabbed a doll stroller, not just one but two

"Zoom!" Sister said, "Come on!  Race you!"

Green 'n' red orbs flew, the balls were all scattered,

The noise level rose and the sound barrier shattered.

Hours and time passed, adults chatting was done

The kids were pouting, "We're still having fun!"

When moms and dads called "To the table, let's eat."

One's put in a blue booster, to swing and dangle feet.

"Bring out the cooked goose and all the pumpkin pie."

"No toys at the table, get that spoon out of yer eye!"

Grandpa winked at grandma "You'll all wanna miss this,

Go ahead and say grace."  And he snuck a mistletoe kiss.

On The Way to Drawing Class

So, one of the neighbor ladies, Wendy, invited me to a beginner's drawing class.  She gave me the address with directions.  I thought the directions were not as direct a route as I percieved they could be knowing Indianapolis as I do.

The map came up quickly via GPS on the car's center screen.

Down Indiana 37, through horrendous road construction where they're digging deep valley's for underpasses, then west onto 86th street.  Soon I'd be merging onto 71st St.

GPS siri-like voice said, "Make u-turn here."

That didn't make sense, but I did.

GPS voice, said, "Object in the road" "Object in the road" just as a car pulled out in front of me from the right.  That white car's forward quick motion took it out of view but that didn't stop GPS.

"Object in the road"!

Well, durn, there were some orange cones!  The city road crew was busy with a water main.  And I was not finding 71st Street, so, I pulled up next to one of the crew members wearing a yellow reflective vest talking on her phone.

Oh, that got her excited.

She got off her phone FAST!

She started waving her flag, tiny-step prancing her feet, and raising her voice, and telling me I couldn't stop there!

"I just want to know how to get to 71st street."

"You go to the next light and turn left," then it was "YOU.  Follow me and I'll get you back into traffic safely."

LOL,  I could've told her about my trips to Tybee, or the lone drive to Nashville, or how I have a million miles of safe driving, but I just grinned and let her have at it.

Fed up and not being successful, I called Wendy.  

"I'm lost.  Give me the address again, please."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know."

This time West got changed to East.

I pulled over and parked in a church parking lot to catch my breath.  That durn GPS with the ciri-like voice was cheeky.  It told me ... that cheeky voice told me, 

"You Must Walk From Here" !

Alayna November 2021 & 2024

Alayna,  Noelle, Ainsley

2021

One evening I called Rusty.  I asked if the kids could come over so we could practice Fum, Fum, Fum, a Christmas song for the church program.  

"You do know, don't you, that whenever that song comes on Alayna comes in right where she's supposed to and sings the right words," he said.

Ah-ha, so, I've got her to working her mouth in a figure 8 like a camel that's chewing!  Yay!  

"And the other day when we were at the store "The First Nowell" was playing over the PA system.  Noelle froze," he adds, "right there in the store she exclaimed, "Dat my name!"  

He does a hearty chuckle.  It's so satisfying to hear his enjoyment of his kids.  Who knew he’d love a big family!  He’s so fatherly.

*******

2024

Later, another evening, another year, we were all at the kitchen table that was covered with a craft mess - markers, toilet paper rolls, glitter glue, scissors, etc.  Rusty, dad of the kids, says, "Time to clean up and let's go."  

4 y.o, Noelle, got done, slipped down from her chair, and disappeared.  

Then the doorbell rang.  I was thinking, "Who's that this time of night?"

Alayna, 7 y.o. sister to Noelle, piped up, "Yep, she's definitely outside!"

Noelle Bugs, Grandmas, and Run

                  Noelle Bugs, Grandmas, and Run - with Jayden

October 2024, just before Noelle's 5th birthday we were playing Mean Grandma.  That's hide and seek, but with me as the grandma.  With the lights out (we always play inside after dark) I would hide up high and reach down, such as hiding on top of a countertop and reaching down, to touch a kid on the neck and scare the bejeebers out of 'em.

This time Noelle was hiding behind the couch.  I searched here and there, knowing where she was but letting her have the thrill of anticipated discovery.  Finally, I pulled out the couch and there she was!  She let out a really good excited squeal, and then because I was blocking her way, she suddenly got serious and implored, "Let me run.  K?"

 

*****

In November, just after Noelle's 5th birthday, she was looking up at the pretty floral antique plates on the bulkhead in the kitchen.  I had told her they used to belong to my grandma, and some were my great-grandma's.  She's very articulate for her age.   Noelle's so adorable I couldn't help but smile when she said, "Do you kweep 'em for a decoration?  So you don't want to forget about her?"

Aw, you're so right.

*****

I was practicing a couple of Christmas songs on my crimson baby grand piano.  Noelle came bursting into the room, "That's my song!" she declared, "It's called Noelle.  It puts me to shweep."

Hummm, she indicated mom uses the song The First Noelle as a lullaby.

*****

I opened the screen door of the glass sliding door, and exclaimed aggravatingly, "Three flies just zipped right in!"  Jayden had previously been using my blue flyswatter and spent a good 10 - 20 minutes killing the black buggers.  Then he went outside and started swatting box elder bugs.  We're overcome with them this year.  

I thought it was a shame that 3 more flies had just entered the house.  After a bit, after he had lost interest, then Noelle gave us her two cents worth, "I think it was a bad idea to let 3 flies in cuz they can get our foo-ood!"

LOL, a bad idea?  LOL, yes it was a ba-ad idea!

*****

We were making pie crust for pumpkin pie.  Spencer came to help Jayden, Noelle and I.  I spied a signature on the bottom of one of the pie pans and showed everyone that my mother's name Gail was etched there.  Noelle said, "Did your mom died?  She'll be very happy that you're using it."

Jayden added, "And she'll be happy you're a very good grandma."

When I told Mary Ann this conversation she said, "You are!"

Well ... I love my grandkids! 

Toddler's Halloween Fest of 2021

TODDLER'S HALLOWEEN FEST  of  2021

We're having a Toddler's Halloween Fest,

-- it was be a monumental mess!

First we iced the cupcakes, and fixed a box of a baker's dozen with the extras to send to work with grandpa John for the community table in the bus barn lounge.  
 
Our little party included painting wooden faces, driving staked pumpkins in the ground, baking cupcakes and icing them (that's always an extra step, a messy one!)  and finishing off the evening with "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"!  

4 toddlers, 1 infant, and 2 DIL's and plenty of talk and lots of action.  So we had Jayden, Alayna Noelle, Lilly, and Jacob, and Ainsley not pictured.

Alayna 4 y.o.            Jacob 3 y.o,

Jacob pulling the little wagon  Jayden, Alayna and Lilly

Jayden and Noelle       Alayna and Lilly

Watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!"  They'd never seen it before.

THE AUSSIE

      With an All-American boyish clean-cut 

round-faced look, and wearing a GAP hoody, this dreamboat's accent gave him away, he was an Aussie.  

Just behind me in line at the Dollar Tree, he leaned against the black conveyor belted counter.

"I'm getting out of here."

At first I assumed he meant rushing out of the store, but his body language said he was relaxed.

"Oh, really?" and I raised my eyebrow encouraging him to expound.

"It's too cold." he said.

I looked at the clerk who is a friendly acquaintance, we exchanged bug-eyed telepathic looks.

"This is cold?"  

The sun was shining, and granted I was wearing a sweater, but none of us had on a coat, and we were all old enough to have lived during the Blizzard of '78 and the coldest year of the century in 1994, a brutal -43.  And let's not forget that horrible ice storm!

"It's too cold for me," he said again.

"But it's not that cold, not as cold as it's gonna get."

"The plane's leaving,"  again his words didn't match his easy demeanor, "tomorrow.  I'll be gone for 3 months."

"But it's only October, the cold weather starts in December sometimes not until January ... you should leave then for 3 months.  Where you from anyway?"

"Darwin.  Darwin, Australia.  It never gets cold there."  

Then as we wrapped up our purchases, he went off topic.

I had to take a minute to shift my focus from the cold weather, to the absentee President and the word-salad Vice President, Sleepy Joe and Kamalablah, to which this stranger from Australia referred.

I chuckled thinking THEY should get on a plane and run from the cold when he said, 

"You've got crazy people running this country!"

Let's keep the Aussie!

Gabriel Paid Me A Visit

"The feet of Gabriel"

I had a visit from Gabriel.

And I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Gabriel came from the Grand Canyon.

Gabriel is tall, muscular, and has short red hair.

Is that how you'd imagine the arch angel? 

Last week, yep, that's what he said, last week he was at the Grand Canyon.  That tickled my fancy, LOL.

This tall service man, duct cleaner, had just taken his wife there for their 10th anniversary.   He was no angel but he was a blessing.  

Remembering what my mother had said that she had no interest in visiting Mt. Rushmore because she had seen picture after picture of it, I asked Gabriel, "You know you've seen all the pictures, wasn't that enough, was it worth seeing in person?"

He scrunched his forehead and eyes and said, "Way better, 10 times better!"

"They say it wasn't a river that made the gorge, that it was an ocean," he said.

And he got out his phone and showed me just a few of the great many photos he had.

"This one...." and he pointed across the way on the photo, "that's 10 miles across!"  "WOW!  I interjected, "You can see forever...." 

"This one...." and he showed a vast emptiness with mountain peaks in the far background, "the colors aren't showing as well, it's way more brilliant."

"This one, I looked down, and asked the guide how far down was it, she said it's 2 miles to the bottom."

And he showed me the photo attached above.

"Everyone had seen me climb out on this huge rock, with a pinnacle, here's a pic of me straddling it, I'm sitting atop the outcrop, you know, if I fall 2 miles it's plenty of time to get right with anybody."

Really?  I wondered just how much time that would be....

So, we looked it up on our phones, google knows everything, his phone said to free fall for 2 miles would take about 25 seconds, my phone said 32.  That's just half a minute!

He was amazed, "Gosh, wish I'd read that before I climbed out there!"

"You know when I went back to where my wife was, there's all these people around me, "We saw you out there, what was it like?"

He said, "I showed my wife the goose bumps on my arms and told her I was shaking to just be here!  My wife couldn't believe it, but I said you know, I've been waiting 27 years to see the Grand Canyon."

He turned to me, "Look.  I've got goose bumps just thinking about it.  That is what God did!!"

Sure enough the light-colored fine hairs on his arms were standing up and peppered with goosebumps.

"I've been about mugged twice, and safely traveled from here to California and back, and worked in all kinds of bad cities like Chicago and New York."

He turned his phone over, showed me the black backside, it read, "Jesus is with me".

"And that's what I believe."

Well, Gabriel, I believe, too. 

"I'm glad you came!"

Fun at the BMV, Really?

          

Jan 27, 2024

I’ve seen the good and the bad and heard of the ugly; so I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I’ll tell you all.  You’ll laugh.

In our town, the BMV, Bureau of Motor Vehicles, had a bad reputation —  a horrid reputation for wait times, strict guidelines, bad attitudes, and never getting it right the first time.  There’s a story here about my mother-in-law, but I’ll hold off on that for later.

It all changed with Governor Mitch Daniels at the turn of the century.  

Just before passing, hubby gave away his 2 trucks to 2 sons.  As I said, I didn’t know what to expect at the BMV.  I had death certificate, titles, proof of insurance, my own I.D. and hubby’s driver’s license, just.  in.  case.

I’m sitting.

At the counter.

Son Clinton is standing over me.

To him I say, “Pull up a chair.”

“Can’t.  They’re zip-tied together.”

“What?  Well, get one of those.” I point at another cluster of chairs.

BMV employee says,   “He can’t.  They’re tied, too.”

“What?  People steal chairs from the BMV!  That’s hilarious!”

My right peripheral vision sees a tall dense shadow.

“Shew, you startled me.”  I look up at my other son, Spencer.

As the happy female clerk fills in the computer blanks, we find out she is the actual manager of the BMV.  I fill the silence, “What’s your most memorable experience?”

She becomes animated, “Beck’s O.C. Chopper!”

“An O.C. Chopper, really?  That’s interesting.”  Then I ask, “What was your worst?”

She declares, “Anything from overseas.  So much paper work, stacks!”

The BMV employee, happy manager, says to Spencer, “What’s the color of your truck?

He laughs, “Black.”

I laugh, too, “Metallic brown - - bronze over rust.”

One of them says, "The more rust it looses the faster it goes."

Clinton says, “You’ve heard of “eat my dust”, this is “eat my rust!”  Everyone laughs!

A couple more jokes about that old rust bucket and questioning its mechanical soundness and the BMV happy manager turns to Spencer.

“I need to see your driver’s license.”

He pulls it out of his wallet and sends it “swoosh” sliding across the counter.

“Fresh off the press!” he says.

“Shush," I lower my voice, "Don’t say that, we’re in a government building, you nut!” 

Finishing up the paperwork, swiveling in her seat, she says, “Just push the green button, the smiley face.”

He grins, “Green?  There’s a red frowny face.  Hey, where’s the yellow, I want to push the yellow button.”  

She laughs, "There's no yellow.  Just press the green."

By this time, because of all the laughter, the clerk at the next station to our left is turning towards us, listening in.

The gal from this mornings information gathering (I’d come in earlier to see what all was needed) steps over and says, “Oh, yay, you’re the one I helped.”

A heavyset male employee leaning on his cane, had come to take the papers to finalize and file.

Clinton says, “While I’m here, can I get a title to my classic Pontiac, and can I keep the old title?”

The male employee with the cane chimes in, “No, I’m sorry.”

The BMV Happy Manager says, “That’s changed.  Yes, he can.  After we make a copy just write void across the original.”

“Hmmmm…”  he concedes and sticks around for the jokes.

Spencer says, “They’re all jealous.  Who comes into the BMV and has a good laugh.”

The BMV Happy Manager has one more instruction, “Sign right here, and in this box, since there’s no exchanging of money just write 0 and the word gifted”.

Spencer’s cheeky, he says,  “Okay, but I’m signing this under duress!”

The male employee with the cane laughed, “Ha, ha, ha, “gifted under duress” and he laughs again.

From somewhere behind us we hear, “Never seen someone have so much fun at a government building, especially the BMV!”

THEnd

Subway Customer Got the Best of Me

She got the best of me.

Just some random lady walking into Subway in a little squirrely town up north.

She walked ahead of me, telling the fellow walking away, 'Be safe'. I asked, "Where does he work?  Is it dangerous?"

"Nah, he just works at the liquor store.  I just always say that to all my kids,"  and she holds the glass door open.

"No, you go ahead of me in the line, you were here first."

"No, that's alright go on ahead."

I quizzed the sandwich-maker about prices and sizes and placed my order.

She placed hers.

Waiting and talking, I asked where she worked. At the tomato canning factory she said.  Then she asked if I lived in town.

"No, but I go to church here.  Have all my life.  Would you like to come?"

"What's the address?"  and I tell her.

"I work 2 a.m. to 2 p.m. Tuesday thru Sunday so I can't go to church with you."

"What do you do for fun?

"I sleep."

And I got a grin on my face.

"No, seriously," she says, "I sleep.  I love it.  It's my fun!"  and I laughed out loud.

"What kind of cookie would you like?  I'm gonna buy me a macadamia nut,"  I asked her.  And before I could register what happened, quick as a darting dragonfly, she stuck a folded 20 in the cashier's hand!  

"No, I was  gonna buy you a cookie!"

She replied with a little smile, "Well, you talked to me.  I liked talking to you."

What a surprising answer!

***

I could end the story there, but I felt really bad, she paid for my whole meal and I didn't even know her.

So, I asked her to follow me to my truck and showed her the two totes of small Christmas wreaths, and little poinsettia pots I'd just purchased from a marketplace seller.  

"I'll give you one.  Here, take one!  What ever you want except this big swag, I'd like to keep it for the church."

And here's the God's-in-the-know surprise.

She took a very pretty one, medium sized wreath, still in it's original brand new box.

"I just put a wreath hanger on my door!  I'm ready for this.  Thank you,"  she said.

****

Wow, who knew

A God-wink!

Butt Cheek or Butt Cheeks!

In the big new-to-me used Dodge Ram, I stopped at the end of the driveway to pick-up the local paper tossed there. 

With right hand gripping the steering wheel, door swung wide open, I leaned over.  Jeani gleefully laughs, "You were used to a smaller pickup truck.  To get the newspaper, out of the 4 wheel drive you were leaning all the way, upside down, on your head, and you had one big butt cheek on the seat and I took your picture!"  Laughing throughout the telling, she laughs again heartily.

"So, then another day,"  she continues, "you take me over, thankfully, in your car, you had me lean over to pick-up the paper."  

That's when I gave her tit-for-tat, "I need to take a picture of your butt."

"Go ahead," she laughs, "you had only one butt cheek on the seat, I had both," she's absolutely in stitches.  "It was funny at the time," she chuckles.

Meanwhile, I'm sure my new truck is bigger than my previous one.  Everyone argues with me.  I'm gonna get a yardstick and check the step height, and the seat width to prove I'm right.  

Turning to her I start a new conversation topic, "I need to measure my ....." 

"Butt?" 

"No!  TRUCK!"

You're Gonna Mow 4 Acres With That?

NO!!!!  HE'S GOING TO MOW 4 ACRES WITH A PUSH-MOWER????  no-o-O-O!  No way!

I'm sitting here looking out the sliding glass doors when this Range Rover pulls in, and out comes a push mower.  This dude mows about 30 feet.  I keep watching thinking a zero turn or something big's magically going to appear somewhere soon.  But no!  That doesn't happen!  

This high school kid thinks he's going to mow these 4 acres with a push mower???  Seriously?

Unt-uh.  Nope.  Not happening.

So, I go out there, he sees me coming, and walks towards me.

"You do know I have 4 acres?  You can't mow 4 acres with a push mower!"

"Hi, I'm Ryan. Yah.   I have a friend coming with a John Deere riding mower."

"I hope his John Deere has a big deck, maybe a 52 or 48 inch?"

"Yah, it's big."

I show him the back yard asking if he's the one I've been talking to.

"No, that's Christian who you've been texting."  About that time Christian shows up, he'd driven a green riding mower a mile up Highway 37 to get here, sheesh.  And, no way is it 52"!  To my dejection, it's a 38 inch deck, sigh.

"Well, you can push-mow the area around the wood pile, and the Roger Run over there."  And I tell him the story behind the Roger Run, a 50 ft. square fenced section of yard,  "But maybe I'd better see if we can start my zero turn for you to use after that."

It doesn't start.  I put a portable charger on it.  He's adding gas.  The spout never makes contact with the opening and he spills gas everywhere.  I couldn't help myself.  At this point I'm very, very wary and I just blurted.

"Do you guys even know how to mow?  Have you mown before?"  

They'd come 2 weeks earlier when I wasn't home to scope out the place but they didn't realize how big was the back yard.  Oh, boy!

These young whipper snappers act so knowledgeable and they don't know a lick; but they sure do exude confidence!  Finally, we get my zero turn started, and would you believe I have to show him how to operate it!  

Oh.  My.  Lands.

"Who's that?" I asked.  In the drive at the mailbox is now a white Dodge Ram with a trailer hauling 2 zero turns. 

Ryan smiles and says, "I called for back up."  

Yay!  In my mind, I gave him points for that call, and I'm thanking the powers that be.

"We have 7 pieces of equipment and 3 more guys," he adds.

ROFL, good deal!

These guys were recommended by Quinn, a high schooler, who'd been at a garage sale of mine and seen how tall was the grass.  He wasn't a part of the group, LOL, just helping friends get work.

"I know some guys that'll do your mowing.  He comes from Westfield.  They're trying to get more business," Quinn had told me, and we exchanged phone numbers. 

So, the newly arrived small John Deere goes round and round the middle yard followed up by a zero turn doing criss-cross paths.  Christian says, "Your grass hasn't been mown in awhile and it's so tall that we have to do it this way." 

"BTW, when would you like us to come back?"  Oh, he's a funny guy!

Eventually, I meet Nick and Brody, the other two mowers.  They all are in high school and all play soccor together and all are trying to establish a mowing business.  They said they have another job up the road.  

With them in a semi-circle around me, I told them I had two rules.

"Always blow the grass in.  I don't want any on the roads, or a rock hitting the wind shield of a passing car who might sue me.  And....look 5 feet ahead.  There could be tree limbs and pop cans and the like."  

"Oh, we know, we got this."  

Yah, you got this!  ROFL, there's that confidence again.

I walked next door to see sis.  She came out and I asked her to follow me.

"Come to the top of the hill, come see this!  You won't believe your eyes."

In my back yard, was 3 zero turns and a riding mower just zip-zip-zipping this way and that and mulching up the tall weeds like a troupe of figure skaters on ice!  It was ridiculously hilarious.  

They got done in under 2 hours!!!

Sis was so impressed that Christian, who I learned is the boss, who takes the money and divvies it out, was hired on the spot.

"From now on, do you want us to do yours and hers on the same day?"  he asked.  

"Yes, in 2 weeks."

For the agreed upon first-cutting, they did her yard on Saturday!  And I wished I'd have been there to see it!

Did they ask how many acres she has?  Or did history repeat itself?

Were there 3 zero turns and a John Deere zip-zip-zipping along?

Like mischievious leprechauns in tall grass, they "got 'er done", again ... while no one was home!