Friday, February 8, 2019

"Go Play, or Else!"

Life, I'd say, was more innocent and care free. In the 60's we weren't near so busy, and we didn't know everyone else's business in a worldwide way!  We'd just go outside and play. 

Some acquaintance said, "Would love to hear your experiences, and what you had to contend with; day to day life, meals, days out, what your day as young children was like."

My mind went zinging.  It went zinging right back in time to when my brother and I jumped off dad's homemade picnic table into a #2 tub of water.  Boy, we had to have been really little tykes to think it was full enough to dive into!

We weren't allowed to answer the phone, because it was dad's business phone. Before that it'd been a party line of what they called "3 old biddies" and he needed it free to get calls for his carpentry work housebuilding plans.  After he got the business phone we learned to always get a name and a phone number or "let someone else answer the phone!"

We made trails in the weeds, and tunnels in the hay bales stacked in the barn. We nailed boards to a tree for a ladder and then built a tree house. It always started with one of the boys getting a great idea, then we girls could play right along.

We pretended the pedal cars were real cars and would pass each other on that long sidewalk from the office to the house, and we'd parallel park along that sidewalk in the grass-free dirt.

We walked the sheep trails down over the hill along the river where we pretended to fish, and poked at minnows and crawdads until we heard a faint far in the distance call from mom to come home.

We didn't get t.v. until 1969! And even then it was black and white.
I was shocked at t.v.'s soap opera. Billy caused Peggy to have a baby out of wedlock? Some man stabbed a woman with scissors? Then there was the movie over which mother caught me crying. Bonnie and Clyde had been shot to death!  Horrors! We'd never seen such stuff!

Mom taught us every nursery rhyme you could think of, and we sang the radio songs right along with her,  "Hello, Dolly!"  
They kept the record player going, too, popular tunes from Elvis and Tennessee Ernie Ford, gospel songs, kids sing-a-longs "Its a Very Good Habit" and polkas "She's Too Fat For Me".

Didn't know a thing about sex, or violence, or criminal acts.  The times were so uncomplicated that we fed a hobo a sandwich or two while he sat on that picnic table.

A #2 tub was a swimming pool.   A swingset was an amusement park. 
A blanket over the fence was a tent. Mayonnaise on bread was a sandwich.  
An old shed from a remodel worksite of dad's was our playhouse, and yes, we made and ate mud-cakes.  And the outside brick structure of the fireplace was a stepping stone ladder to the roof!

We had to leave dad alone for a spell after work. Supper was on the table for him just in time. We drew his bath water and he taught us to shine his shoes.


If mom were sick, no matter any of our ages, WE cleaned house!


We were respectful to ANY ONE older than us -- ANY ONE, no matter their station in life.  


Swat to the butt, pop to the mouth, no book at bedtime, "You'd best take a nap", were quick corrections.


Neighbors trusted us with their fruit trees and their bull and their dogs and climbing their fences.  


We were taught music, encouraged to read, and learned common sense safety measures.


Breastfeeding and diaper changing were done behind closed doors. Speaking of closed doors, if you knocked on the parents bedroom door, you got swatted.  If you were locked out of the house, you'd better go play or else.  You never knew what the "or else" was.  Or that famous "I'll tie a knot in your tail."  Those were surely something terrible!


AND, no screaming unless there's blood! ROFL.


"Go play."  Remember being told to go play.  Wished someone would say that today,  "Young lady!  Go play!"

Friday, February 1, 2019

"One Frog To Go, Please!"

Phones are something else!  They used to hang around ringing on the walls never to be answered unless you were home, am I right?  These days our phones are truly amazing things!  Not only are they handheld but they can do the laundry, too!

When they first came out everyone was agog;  a phone you could carry in your hand with immediate access to anyone AND and it played music like a radio!  Fascinating.

Darling Hubby, aka DH, pokes around on his all the time.  There's an app for anything he wants, just press Play Store or Zedge.  Voila'!  An app to brush his teeth!

His cell phone has Waze.  His WAZE are not our ways, LOL.  His WAZE is W, A, Z, E, an app for how to drive from here to there with estimated times of arrival.  Careful.  These cell phones are so good they just might have an app to tell when the next granddaughter is estimated to arrive!

DH also uses Voice Search like Googling.  And he uses Alarm Clock and Weatherbug.  Part of his poking around is to decide on ring tones, and notification alert beeps, and alarm clock buzzers.  After listening for a half hour or more of things like Baby Shark, I'm A Gummy Bear, Cher's Gypsy Tramps & Thieves, Cotton Eye Joe, to meows, thunder clapping, and farts, he settled on an animal sound.

So, here we are at Bob Evans, more or less killing time.  The power's out, no electric at home, and we're hungry and cold.  The dear sweet waitress confirmed that we were welcome to stay and play some rummy until Duke Energy sends one of their own notification alerts that our power has been restored.

While DH, darling hubby, is ordering his Compound Omelette With a Side of Hurt My Heart Bacon, we all hear "Ribbit.  Ribbit-ribbit-ribbit."  Waitress's eyes shift left, then right, then at me, "I hear frog."

We all laughed!

We pointed to the phone and explained it was DH's ringtone.

This morning, on our third day of "no school due to negative degree weather", I'm in bed listening to DH's phone.  No, it's not ringing.  It's white noise.  Did you know there's a new thing now called pink noise?  Shoot, there's also blue noise and brown noise.  I digress.  We're listening to white noise, a nighttime sound to deepen sleep.  So, here we are lying in our now warm and comfy beds listening to this waterfall.

Imagine it, soft white streams of sparkling water cascading down the side of the hill to spill easily with a swoosh into the waters below.  Lazily stirring, not fully awake, still in the afterglow of a dream state, comes a sound, "Ribbit.  Ribbit-ribbit-ribbit."

How apropos!  Where else but in the waterfall of my mind would a frog be?  In my bedroom, that's where he be!

Even in sleep DH reaches out to make me laugh!

Miss Lilly makes me laugh, too.  Just like her papaw she loves frogs.

Last evening, while we played Euchre, she played with a bucket of miniature animals.  This green labeled bucket comes complete with a little plastic gray mountain, some thin fragile palm trees, a few dinosaurs like stegosaurus, triceratops, and pterodactyl, a sheep, and a frog.  Wait a minute!  A sheep?  Yep, he was a transfer from the Fisher Price farm barn.

She, though, spied the frog.  Frog got a loving "Awwwww".  I shuffled the deck.  Frog got pressed into her cantaloupe slice.  I dealt 5 cards to each of the 4 players, slide, snap, slide, snap, pick 'em up, fan 'em out.  Miss Lilly says, "Froggy in the wa. ter."  Miss Lilly is only 2, and she speaks in a high pitched "meow" kind of voice and each syllable is said like it's its own word.  I'm replaying what she said in the back of my mind.  "Froggy in the wa. ter."

Whoops!  She's headed out of the room!  She's going to the bathroom!  We'd just filled buckets of water for the power outage and I hadn't emptied them yet.  Some are still sitting in the tub.  And...she's gone!

So am I.   Like a burgeoning shot of water out of a garden hose, I had to arrive at the tub before she did.  And...I did!  Miss Lilly was still toddling to the door, holding Mr. Green Frog out in front of her leading the way, "Froggy in the wa. ter."

May I have one frog to go,  please!



Friday, January 11, 2019

Political Parties - Lopsided


Out of Balance
I'm feeling out of balance, wanna switch?
My scales are lopsided.
Maybe you can help.
I'd like to get my equilibrium back.
You see, I have these friends, and there are many of you, that are Political Party A which means my Facebook feed is full of Political Party B put downs.
Now, your political affiliation is fine with me; it's what makes the world go 'round as the saying goes. And differences of opinions, outlooks, and truths are what make everyone else re-think, reconsider, cogitate, and evoke change.
But, on Facebook that doesn't happen. We all, yes, I include myself, just regurgitate those memes that appeal to us.
But since you all are Political Party A, my page is out of balance. BTW, how did that happen? Me, getting Political Party A friends???
Therefore, could my friends, so my teeter can totter, and I can get off the one-sided merry-go-round...
would a couple-three of you mind switching sides? ROFL! No asses, no pachyderms, but...
GO HORSIES!


Thursday, January 10, 2019

Sleepy Time. Monkey Time? Monkeyshines!

My brain can't just go to bed and go to sleep.

I take it there.  I try.  I really do.  I lay it down.  I close its eyes.   On our worst nights I do Yoga meditation.

But, my brain has a mind of its own.

If it won't fall asleep like any normal human beings brain, you can bet it won't let you wake up like any normal human being either.   Nope.  By golly, I'm gonna wake up with a nightmare!

Last night my brain took a monkey to bed.  Sheesh, can you believe that?  A monkey!  We, my brain and I, were thoroughly entertained.  It was one of those small, dark brown, energetic, irreverent monkeys.  The kind you see in a zoo where a handful of them scamper on the ground, swing into trees, leap from here to there, then stop to pick cooties off each other.

First thing this wiry haired image of a primate did was swing with one hand from the tree in the front yard onto the roof of our house!  Oh, boy.

Curious, as monkeys are, he plopped his shiny bottom butt next to the dormer window and peeked into our bedroom.  Don't know what he saw, but it wasn't too interesting 'cause he pushed himself up with his long arms and knuckle-walked to the very tip-top of the house, leaned his head over the edge, and took a gander into the vent of the gable end.  Maybe he heard a chipmunk or a bat in there, I don't know.  We have both.

Whatever it was it didn't keep his interest because he scooted around in a half circle (sitting up there on the top of MY house), staying on the ridge line, and acted like King of the Apes just surveying his kingdom!  He looked west to the trees lining White River. He scooched south checking the campground landscapes, then he turned monkey eyes east to the state preserve woods where extinction is safeguarded, and finally he swiveled to watch cars on the road leading north to wonderlands.   What did monkey see?  What will monkey do?

Where did monkey's mind wander?  Oh, the dreams of a monkey.  Wait!  Stop!  That monkey needs to go!

And there he goes!  He bent-knee walked forward five feet, plopped down and lifted a shingle edge.  What on earth?  He was acting like Goodall's chimps picking parasites off each other.  Oh my lands, he was pinching out stink bugs and eating 'em, ew, gross!  We have gobs and gobs of stink bugs.  Maybe I shouldn't be so squeamish -- just let him eat 'em.  Eat 'em all, monkey!  I'm sick of stink bugs.  Feast!  Feast away!

Monkey swings down, one hand holding as he swings along the eaves - swing, grab, switch, swing, grab, switch, swing!  For 74 feet, the length of our house, he does this until he latches onto a downspout and climbs back up.

What has his interest this time?  The vent pipe.  Whenever stinky smells won't leave our bathroom upstairs I always wonder if there's a bird stuck in it to keep the vent pipe from venting.  I'd like to see down there myself.  Now, I'm wondering what does he see down there.  I have to chuckle.   Guess it's not as fun as sniffing monkey butts!  'Cause he's not squinting with one eye anymore.  He's backed away in distaste, curling his fat monkey lips and baring yellowed teeth.

Ah, here we go.  The chimney.  In his eyes, its probably much like the vent pipe.  He grabs the outside brick with his feet, hugs it like a monkey in a tree with his hands, leans his head over, and checks striation marks.  Does monkey know about Santa Claus?  This monkey in my brain probably does.  My mind is laughing at monkey checking for white bits of fur fluff, and soot, and shiny clean lines leading to the chimney's bottom.

That was it!   I got out my virtual broom and swung at him.  Swept him clean off the roof, I did!

Monkey stuck out his tongue, leaped into the tree he'd came from, and gracefully used his prehensile tail to hang.  He hung right over the coy pond and took a drink!  He took a good long drink.

Oh, I'm going out of my mind.  Where's that broom?  I've got some more sweeping to do.   He needs swept out of here.  My mind needs a good sweep, too.

Strike that, my mind needs a good SLEEP!

Heaven help me, I'm interfacing with a manifestation of my own unsleeping brain!





Tuesday, January 1, 2019

The Busy Messy Day -- Cookies First!

Well....speaking of laughing at getting caught...I've had a busy messy day and I shouldn't have had a belly laugh at my friends expense.  My friend got caught several times in her nightgown by visiting family and unexpected neighbors and about the third time it happened I had a good laugh.

This day started with baking a batch of cookies BEFORE getting on the computer.  A rarity.  Computer usually comes on FIRST.

I got dressed but pinned my hair up without looking in the mirror.  Then it happened, twice.

The neighbor girl, newly moved in next door, whom I've only met a couple of times, knocked on the sliding glass door.  There is no hiding in this house.  If someone comes to the sliding glass door, they step up on the deck and look right into the house, across the family room, over the divider, and into the kitchen.

Well, I had 2 loads of laundry out, one sitting in the rocker, another on the love seat.  The table was covered with church program paraphernalia, and the kitchen was distressed with supper fixings and the remnants of cookie baking.  I sucked it up, smiled, waved her in (my hands were busy with the mixer), then cleared a spot for her at the table.  We had a fun lovely chat.  From the German shop where she worked she'd brought me a tea strainer and a bag of tealeaves eggnog flavored.  She's so young and so lively!  

She left.  I made oatmeal raisin cookies.  Yes, it was Darling Hubby's favorite.   They were delicious.  I should know, I ate a few.  When cooled they were dropped into baggies and sorted for 6 cookie tins.

I'd just about finished the third recipe of cookies, this time Snicker Doodles, when I decided I needed to fold those baskets of laundry.  It's a good excuse to sit down for a minute.  There they sat in folded neat piles, heavy duty electrical cord strung through the family room to the space heater,  (we ran out of wood for the woodstove) and a pile of oddball stuff on the steps to go up, and the same messes in the kitchen.  Ah, but, the house smells good with cinnamon on the cookies, and meat in the crockpot, when what to my wondering and totally astonished eyes should appear at the sliding glass door but our oldest neighbors.

Not only have they lived two doors down the longest in this area, but they are in their 80s!!!!  

There they were, the pair, a bit stooped, in their winter coats, standing on my deck, looking down watching the cat wind around their legs, and smilingly holding a tin can of their own.  They'd brought us a gift of homemade peanut brittle! 

So, shamefaced me, still with pinned up hair, dust on my belly, insisted they come in out of the rain while I moved the laundry stacks to the computer chair, and had them sit on the love seat and the rocker.  He didn't want to come in further due to his wet shoes.

Please!
 
This house in no shrine; it's seen so many trails of wet sloppy fall leaves, puddles of melting dirty snow, and grease globs from the barn, that wet shoes will never be noted!  

They stayed!  Yay!

We exchanged tins.  We exchanged news and fun tidbits.  And after making sure they weren't diabetic or didn't have peanut allergies, I also offered them right from the oven warm Snicker Doodles.  He nodded his head in pleasure and I could hear her murmuring,  "Ummmm."

I was hospitable.  I was the conversation hostess.  I was the baker letting them enjoy a guilty pleasure. 

I was being punished for laughing at my friend!  I was wishing I had turned on the computer to get those morning prods from a website to spruce up the house and this ol' bod before starting a project.  

Seriously, though, it was all fun.  I truly enjoyed my morning company.  Despite everything that went awry, it was delightful..

Shall I add the finale? Son Ian showed up and we made potato salad for his work's Christmas pitch-in the next day.   No, I don't have a recipe.  Spencer knows how to make my sloppy joes, and now Ian knows how to make my potato salad, all without a recipe.  We had to add relish, a squirt of mustard, and dollops of mayonnaise because at first taste he said, "dry" and looked at me with a quizzing, squinted one eye.

Several times did I get caught, yet what unexpected pleasures;  a full fun day but oh so messy.  

Monday, December 3, 2018

Good Morning, Dreaming!


Good morning!

It’s a good morning!

Do you dream?
I do.

Just recently, and I’m over several decades old, I found out that not everyone dreams.  Amazing.  I found that amazing!  And I’m talking about those dreams you get at night before you fall asleep, and while you’re sleeping and then as you’re waking up.   Not the Martin Luther King, Jr. “I have a dream,” but the bedtime sleepy dreams.  They can even be complete novels.

Just this morning as I was dreaming I saw Christmas village evergreen trees suction-cupped to the ceiling. That made me smile.  Then I saw a stack of stencils, one was a dog.  That stencil-dog sat up and barked!  LOL.

Hubby doesn’t dream, ever. 
And yet, I don’t know if there’s ever been a night I didn’t dream.

They can be very beneficial. I’ve dreamed up Christmas plays. I’ve dreamed up logistical solutions to putting kids on and off stage for sister’s school programs.
I’ve dreamed about how to rearrange furniture, what menu to create for a holiday dinner, and answers to crossword puzzles.  I’ve composed poems, and written a first chapter in a book.  

The brain is a wondrous thing.  Supposedly, we only use 10% of our brains but that’s been recently debunked. Researchers have found through MRIs that the brain is completely active, even during sleep. This I believe.

During sleep just last week, I saw a taller thin man in a pastel blue shirt wheeling around in a computer chair.  Not so interesting right?  Well, wait until you hear the rest of the story.  He wheeled up to a table and arranged cupcakes into a white box, then when he turned to look at me his face turned into Santa Claus!  Then he wheeled back to his computer, put his hands on the keyboard, turned to look at me and again his face turned into Santa Claus!

Another night last week, I saw little bluish-black penguins all nicely rounded in the shape of teardrop ovals…they were penguin raindrops falling from the sky!

And this unbelievable dream was of a large long white envelope with two words on it,  “Tootsie Farm.”  What on earth???

A farm of Tootsie rolls? 
A farm of Tootsie Pops? I can just imagine them sprouting up on a farm on their little white straw sticks, and when the sun has nicely ripened them they explode with ooey gooey chocolately goodness! 
How about Tootsie Toys? Those simply made little metal vehicles?
Or the movie Tootsie with Dustin Hoffman?
Or better yet, my favorite, baby toes – tootsies!

Can you just imagine a farm field of cabbages where the babies stick out their little feet wiggling their little toes in anticipation of approaching parents – Tootsie Farm!

Darling Hubby says, “I don’t know what you’re eating before you go to bed, but you gotta change something!”

“Wake up, smell the coffee.” 

I did.   I smelled the coffee.  Then I woke up.  There wasn’t any!  

That can’t be a good morning, can it?  
Durn those dreams.

Friday, November 9, 2018

Pow! Right In The Kisser!

"You see, this hoe was leaning against the door frame."

"A hoe?  Leaning against the door frame?"
What'd this hoe look like, anyway?"

"Looked just like any other hoe.  Tall and thin and painted red."

"A painted red hoe?"

"Yes.  Why do you care about looks?  Sheesh, a hoe is a hoe is a hoe!"  "Now you've got me sounding like an advertisement for Miss Debbie's Ho-Hos!"

"Well, I've always liked a good Ho-Ho."

"Good lands.  Anyway, Spencer sure got knocked for a loop!"

"The hoe looped him?"

"NO!  No, silly.  He got knocked for a loop.  The hoe smacked him in the face!
I felt sorry for him, it looked painful."

"Why was his mom watching him get smacked in the face by a hoe?"

"Golly gee, Ollie." I don't know, maybe because I was there for the whole thing!"

"Why was the hoe there in the first place?"

"It was my fault.  Sort of.  I'd put the hoe there."

"YOU did?"

"I did."
"The grand-baby had been playing in the dirt with the hoe and it didn't look right; didn't look safe."

"Of course!  Babies should never play with hoes!  Or rakes!"

"You've got that right.  I'd been chasing voles with the hoe and filling holes with dirt and forgot what I was about and next thing you know, the grand-baby comes for a visit, and starts digging in the dirt with my hoe.  Guess she liked the red looks.  So it was my fault that Spencer got the hoe in the face thing."

"Did ya laugh?"

"Laugh?  No, I didn't laugh.  He was holding his face with both hands and leaning his elbows on his knees trying to recover when I realized he had a nosebleed.  It was just like in the comic strips.  Remember Garfield?  Jon avoids the first hoe, turns around and there's a second hoe.  POW!  Right in the kisser!"

"Yep.  That was a two-fer!"

"Spencer runs right out of the house, right into the dark of night, steps on a hoe and POW!   Right in the kisser!"

"I know, I know, just like Ralph from the Honeymooners, "POW! Right in the kisser!"

"There's a lesson here."

"Oh, really, and what lesson would that be?"

"No matter whether they're digging in the dirt or leaning against your front door, don't let your babies play with hoes."