She Only Stepped Into the Snow Once, Men'll Pause

Men'll Pause, yah, that's what I'll start with!    Not menopause, but men'll pause.

When your squeals of shock reach the ceiling and spill into the next room because some male left the toilet seat up, men'll pause.   When you shout at top-notch decibels that "for the last time, put your socks in the hamper!" men'll pause.   And when you explode with exasperated expletives for the 356th time that year that the trash piled 2 feet above the trash can prevents you from throwing anything away, men'll pause.

Menopause wasn't much discussed around our house other than mom once said her mother's took 10 years, and that they knew a woman who had a nervous breakdown during hers.

Hot flashes and my mother-in-law's night sweats, we knew about.

No one said anything about weight gain, anxiety, hair loss, mood swings and the other 26 possible symptoms.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I researched that on google, yep, 34 Menopause Symptoms.  No, it's no joke.

Yet, it grew a joke.

You see, the men in my life, there were 9 of them counting father, brothers, hubby and sons, developed this private signal.  When one male recognizes that the female in the room is suffering menopause he puts his index finger of his right hand dead center in his forehead then gives a silent look to the guy next to him.  Like "the wave" at a ball game, a silent, all-knowing look of  "never mind" goes around the room!

Actually, it was a good thing.  Being made aware, knowing that they were aware, helped me to simmer down, to lighten up during my stressed moments.

So now I have to tell you about my mother.  She was a true lady.  Crossed her legs at the ankles, wore skirts that hit appropriately just above the knee, only a splash of lipstick, and rarely to never did you see her cry.

She determined to suffer menopause quietly, without the extras.  She never took an herb or a pill, she never asked for help, and she never complained about her situation.

One mid-winter evening just after a day or two of the white fluffy stuff coming down persistently, we were all gathered in the living room when Mom got up and went to the front door.

I looked at Dad as if to ask "what's she doing?"  Just like the other men, he only paused a second then offhandedly said, "That's your mother.  She's hot."

I took a peek through the wide open door and there she was, porch lit from the other side, just a fanning herself silly!

That was my mother.
She was going through menopause.

And as far as I know, she only stepped into the snow once.

DRIVE THROUGHS, WHEEEEE!

Fast Food Restaurants with Drive Throughs, WHEEEEE!  Wonderfully convenient, happy smiley face makers!

Oh, the stories.  Sitting at Wendy's drive through, "bump", all heads in the car bobble.  The woman behind the steering wheel of the car behind us mistakenly hit the gas not the brake.

Brother Andy, though he was the car's only occupant, bought two ice cream cones and before paying the Dairy Queen clerk reached his arm out the window, over the side of the truck, into the bed, where "gulp" B.J. the German shepherd ate it!

Mr. Happy Burger!  Now there's one that makes you smile!  Big Homer and Big Al are there.  They're their claim to fame...hand breaded tenderloins they are.  And Mr. Happy Burger makes the best banana shakes you'll ever devour.

Knowing they had two drive throughs (Isn't that unusual?) which most people don't realize, instead of pulling up behind 3 cars at the first drive through, I pulled right up to the window of the second drive through.  Sis and I place our orders.  Then visit with the waitress.  She brings change.  We visit with the cute waitress.  She brings back more change 'cause she overcharged us.  We visit with the cute waitress -- is she attached, would she be interested in dating my son, etc.  She brings us our tea.  We visit with the cute, smiling waitress.

Hum.  Tea tastes funny.  Not bad, just not normal.  And it's not because it's watery or because it's halfcut (that's a new name for half sweetened and half unsweet teas mixed).  I couldn't figure it out.  Just didn't like it.

'Cause I'm puzzled, "Here, take a swig."  Sis takes a swig.  She's not sure either.  She takes another swig.  I'm wondering what she's going to say, "Needs more tea", or "Needs sugar",  or "It's just a different brand".

Nope.  I busted a gut.  Never before had I heard or even thought of her response.  Still not sure it's plausible...she said,

"It needs salt."

My Baby Talk

Good morning, it's time for baby talk!

Miss Lilly is starting to walk!  

Don't you think she's a little young, she's only 11 months?

Anyway, she only wants to hold one hand, and she gets mad if you put her down.    If you don't hold her hand to walk, she plops down on her little Pamper padded rump, in a pouting slump, chuckle.  But, wobbly, boy howdy, you'd think she's gonna fall!

During yesterday afternoon she got scared.  Our oldest, Rusty, brought over his dog Jaque, and Jaque was at the screen door and lurched at it wanting to give Miss Lilly a doggy kiss but it scared her to death!  She cried and cried.  Mind you, she's no stranger to dogs, her other grandma has one with which she constantly plays, but something about the lurching action really upset Lilly.  With momma and Uncle Rusty's efforts they got her calmed down and back into the accepting phase. Later she played with Jaque again.

The day was pleasant enough.  We all walked to Purgatory (neighboring golf course) that morning, then attended church, afterwards had lunch at Pizza Shack in Tipton.  They have great pizzas especially their Taco Pizza.  

Afterwards DH, darling hubby, and I went to the store to buy supplies for his and the boys lunches this week.  Sis gave me a Family photo black frame for 5 pictures about 5 x 7 size.  I spray painted it white.  Then I took a nap but was rudely awakened.  They didn't realize I was napping.  I'd gone upstairs so they banged on the doors, hollered up the steps, and just generally made a ruckus until I came down.  "Why?  Why was I so rudely awakened?"  I asked coming down the stairs.  Clinton was laughing sitting in a recliner at the foot of the stairs.  I picked up two banana peels and chucked 'em onto his head in retaliation!  That sent them into an uproar, LOL.

There they all sat, Clint & wife Jessica, Ian and girlfriend Elizabeth, Rusty & Amanda on separate couches, John, and Miss Lilly.  They made me sit on the couch beside DH, then handed me a red bag.  I started opening 3 wrapped items.  One was a set of pacifiers to which I thought,  "Goody, my own set for when Miss Lilly is here."  Hubby opened a brown Moose head and just sat staring at it.   (Actually, it was a Nuby soothing teether.)  Then I unwrapped a "Barn Raised Baby" onesie when, "Duh!"  it hit me......

"RUSTY!  You're gonna have a baby!"  then I turned to Amanda who was sitting beside me just a grinning, "You're expecting?"  Yep.  She's expecting!

I'm gonna be a gram-ma!  AGAIN!

Hee, hee, hee, isn't it great?! 

And, that my dear friends, is my baby talk!

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DUMP IT

Speaking of chocolate chips, for making cookies that is, Ian and girlfriend decided to make chocolate chip cookies at her house.  He called from the store, "What ingredients do I need?"

"Buy a bag of Nestle chips, recipe's on the back."

That tickled him and he started laughing, "The recipe's on the bag of chips?"  I hear crinkle, crinkle, "Oh, okay."

Much later, he calls, "It's runny.  What do I do?"

I got my own bag down and said, "Don't read the recipe while I'm talking, just answer me from memory.  How much brown sugar?"

"Well, we used regular sugar one and a half cups."

"Sheesh, oh, okay, that'll work, I guess, since you didn't put in any brown sugar."  "Now, how much flour?"

"3 cups."

"Ian, it only called for two and half cups!"

"How many eggs?"

"Three."

"Ian I told you to follow the recipe.  It calls for 2 eggs.  3 eggs is too many."

"I added another egg 'cause I wanted them fluffy."

"Fluffy?????"

"How does it taste?"

"It tastes good."

"Then bake a test cookie.  Is the oven preheated?"

"Yes." Then he requests,  "Mom.  Give me Mary's phone number."

"Why?"

"Just give me Mary's phone number."

I'm remembering the time I offered to make him some cookies -- this is the same kid that said not to do anything stupid to 'em.  He must not quite trust me.  Grrrrrrrrr.

Later, Mary and I are walking in to Wal-Mart when her phone rings.  It's these type of questions all over again from Ian.  Then I hear her final declaration, "Sometimes Ian you just have to dump it and start all over."

That night when he came home I asked if I could taste one of the cookies.  He said his girlfriends mother came in and started laughing and laughing.  The whole time instead of flour they'd mistakenly used cornstarch!!!!!!!