UP TO OUR EARS IN GIRLS, ENGINES, & BACKACHES

Miss Lilly and I played outside.  Finally, some decent weather, but we still put on coats and gloves and hats.  She originally wanted to ride the firetruck in the family room but was frustrated that the steering wheel was stationary and didn't make the front wheels pivot.  So, she begged for the red tricycle to be brought in.  Nope.  Not happening.  But, we can go out.  

She kept riding her tricycle into some kitty litter the guys had put down to absorb oils from the trucks, and saying, "GwammyPam....I'm 'tuck!"  I asked, "In the sand, Lilly?  Really?"  She said, "No, in the mud."  Chuckle, she does playact.  

Well, she wasn't 'tuck but, we pretended and my foot gave her a push out, several times.  Then she complained to the menfolk who had arrived back home by this time, that she needed a new engine.  Wonder where she got that idea?

She got that idea from her daddy Clint who put a brand new big block in his old blue pick-up truck.  And it doesn't help that she loves tools and is a daddy's girl and is in his garage quite frequently.

So, John, aka grandpa, being a softy at heart, went to his tool box, got a drill, drilled the underside of her little red tricycle seat, and pretended to give her a new engine.  Well, that was just the thing!  

But.  He got called back.  She got un-stuck, took the trike up to the shed stoop, and cried, "My engine's broke, grandpa."  Before afternoon's play was over, that trike and she got 3 new engines!  ROFL.

*****

Little Lane, the 2 y.o. toddler, had gotten away from her mother a couple of times while mom was distracted by her infant during morning church services.  Being distracted by the infant didn't set well with Little Lane.  She runs away, playing the "chase me game" and giggles and squints her eyes in a broad toothy grin, like, "Aren't I so cute?"  The final time she got away, she leaned against the wall, fake wailing, "Mommy, mommy!  Hold me!  Hold me!  I'm falling..."  and she lets her little backside slide down the wall until her bum contacts the floor then she says, "My back hurts."

I cracked up laughing.  Had to hold my hand over my mouth and turn my own backside to her.  What a minx!  She's going to lead her parents on a merry chase for many years to come!  And I do mean....CHASE!

AND THIS IS HOW YOU ROAST A PIG!

PIG  ROAST!

Let's have a pig roast!

Do you remember those old Dean Martin Roasts?  No?  Well the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast was TV specials hosted by entertainer Martin from '74 to '84.  For 10 years and 54 shows, Martin and friends would "roast" a celebrity.    That means treat the guest with humorous, tongue-in-cheek ridicule.

Let's not have a pig roast, let's roast a pig!

What's another name for pig?  COP!
Did you see the cop running downhill?  He was chasing a rolling donut!

What did Elvis have to say about the pig?  "You ain't nothing but a hound hog!"

What do you get when you drop a pig?  Pork Boing

**As Adam and Eve were in the garden of Eden, they could hear from the heavens a most melodious song, "Let there be pigs on earth, and let it begin with me...."

In the beginning when Eve was being formed, you could hear Adam exclaiming in the background, "But I don't have any spareribs!"

What happened when Noah realized his third son ate like a pig, he named him Ham!

What do you call wiener dogs doing undercover work?  Pigs in a blanket

Did you see all the pickled toes for sale in the deli?  "Those little piggies went to market..."

10 little piggies all in a bed, one rolled over and the other one said, "Roll over, roll over."  And they all rolled over and rolled over and rolled over, and the momentum of "roll over" had them all on the floor at once .... bacon bits!

**What do you call a Grade A cut of meat?  BACON!
What do you want for breakfast?  BACON!
What do you want for supper?  BACON!
What do you want for dessert?  BACON!
What do you call pork loin in the oven?  BACON!

**What do jig and pig have in common?  Bounce!
What is the difference between jig and pig?  The p j 's
What do cow and sow have in common?  4 legs and a tail!
What is the difference between cow and sow?  The fence!

**Cow had this to say, "As the story goes, Old McDonald had a farm, E, I, E, I, O.   Ho, ho!  As the favored heifer of the farm I grew up with the pig.  We're long time acquaintances the pig and I.  If she'd fall into the muck and mire and start squealing as pigs do, and wanting my help, the first thing she'd oink is, "I've fallen and I can't get up.  Where's the beef?"  

I'd moo on over to her and give support and cheer her on as best I could, "Little pig, little pig, let me in."  And she'd reply, "not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin."  Frustrated I say, "Root, hog!  Or die!"

Let me introduce myself,  I'm Bob, Bob Evans, from down on the farm.  
And this is how you roast a pig!"

Milk. Water? Coffee!

"Drink."
"I want drink."

That was fast!  

The two I'm babysitting had already emptied their sippy cups and now they're eyeballing my drink.  I'd already drank most of it.  There was probably 2 sips left in the bottom.

2 y.o. little Lane points to my white & burgundy coffee cup.

I look at Jay.  "Does your Mom let you drink coffee?"  And I suspected she did.  She lets them have chocolates and tootsie rolls and Sprite so if he said yes I wouldn't be surprised.  And he did.

So I gave Lane one sip, took it from her to let Jay finish it off.  Wondering if they truly indeed like the taste of coffee 'cause I think it's bitter, I watch their little faces for tell tale signs of the truth, and ask, "Is it good?"

With one of his small toddler hands holding the cup up to his lips, looking over it's rim his eyes wide looking into mine, he nods his head affirmatively, "Mmmmmm, good", and with his left hand gives me a child's thumbs up.

I had to chuckle at the incongruity of it all, LOL!

They were dropped off in excited moods, all gibbers and jabbers.  I wanted to get info from Mom and they wanted " 'tention".  I made the deal, "You give me 20 minutes and I'll play with you."  I set the timer on the steps.  Jay climbs up, sits down, and stares at the timer.  LOL.  Is he going to sit there 20 minutes?  Really?  Oh well, if he does, fine, but I bet he doesn't.  And....he didn't.   

These two children are bonded, looking out for each other, "Bubby needs drink".  "Here Bubby, goldfish."  They're adorable, full of fun comments and antics.  I ask Lane if she wants my baby doll for the new pink toy stroller (she's only 2 and has been evaluated as off the charts in sentence structure and comprehension), her answer was to point to our black feline, "I'm thinking 'bout the cat!"  

LOL.  Okaaaaa...you think about that cat!

Little Lane doesn't exclaim, "Peek a boo!" Nope.  Remember, she has a good vocabulary.  Over the cushions of the green loveseat she goes and slides down the backside, then pops up all flouncy curls and big grin, and with a squeaky baby girl voice yells, "I disappear!"

ROFL!

Mom forgot their sippy cups.  No matter.  I have some ... they're labeled with the kids' names.  Little Lane makes sure I understand, "Milk!  I want milk!"   4 y.o. Jay wants milk, too.

Earlier in the day hubby John said he would stop after work to pick up a gallon, so I already know we're out.  I told them so.  That didn't turn the tables in my favor.

"Juice!  I want juice!'

"I'm sorry kids, I don't have juice either.  I can give you some water."

Jay concedes water is better than nothing.  As I'm filling his cup and snapping on the lid, I hear the refrigerator door open.  Looking over the table I spy this little girl body in the refrigerator.  She pulls out a gallon jug.  It has a puddle of milk in the bottom.  Lane's all excited, the door bumps her in the back, but she doesn't notice, she's holding the jug up in the air, one chubby finger pointing to the white pool, "I found it!  Milk!"

Oh, boy!  These two are clever, they want what they want, and they intend to get it!

Now me?  I'm gonna have to ramp up my out-foxiness!  FAST!

Upside Down, Thud, Licked Lips, & The Howling

There's not much that's more disturbing to the brain than spying a lampshade upside down.   I don't know who did it but you had to cover your eyes!  It exposed the lightbulb and made for a very bright room, too bright!  For 2 days, no one confessed.  My mind flashed a blinking, "Tilt!  Tilt!"

Tuesday night Euchre was played with accompanying unusual sounds.  The noises were coming from the kitchen window -- highway car noises and the soughing of the wind -- which was open due to DH, darling hubby, building a huge fire in the wood stove and making the house so hot we had to open a couple of windows and doors. 

Thud.  "Me-ow!"

"Out, black spot, out!" Not allowed!  Through that window black cat Piper plopped in!  She sure startled us!  She had to investigate the counter top first, then paw-padded back out.        

Our Miss Lilly struggles with her parents to eat.  Eating does not interest her.  Even at a restaurant sequestered in a booster seat and even though mac and cheese is her favorite restaurant choice, she only puts one maybe two pieces of mac and cheese on a spoon and takes her sweet time to get them between her lips to swallow.  

She doesn't want to mess with broccoli stalks between her fingers so she shoves one in whole and begrudgingly chews with bulging cheeks.  

Spaghetti gets held in the air and swung like a rope until she's curtailed by dad, that is.  Then it gets strung out, up in the air, face to ceiling, lips wide open, and coiled like rope down into the cavity of her mouth!  

Across from Miss Lilly at the table, an elderly lady shares her chocolate 3 tiered cake with her.  I looked, I blinked, she licked her lips; it was gone!!!!!  SHE CAN EAT!  Sheesh. 

Once home she got into my computer drawer.  It's full of post-it notes, pens, liquid paper, stapler, a couple magnifying glasses, stress balls and more.  The stress ball disappeared about 4 months ago.  A long time in a 3 y.o.'s life, right?  A 3 y.o. should forget, right?  Not her.  She opens the drawer which is a smidgeon taller than her making her stand on tippy-toes, gets out the small black handled magnifying glass, puts it smack dab on her eye and eyebrow and says, "I'm looking for c'ues.  Where's the squishy red ball?"   Then with a little lisp she says, "We need c'ueses.  It's a mishthery."

She gave up on mystery clues 'cause when I turned the corner into the kitchen Miss Lilly was sitting at the table.  Her face turned upward and her lips pursed, "I'm a wolf.  I see the moon",  and she howls at the chandelier!  Three times she howled, so of course I joined her, "Howl, ho-owl, ho-oo-owl!"

We had a howl fest, we did!  LOL.  Staying young, I am, LOL. 

MOOSIC & MOOS

The Little Tikes Cozy Coup came all the way down the hall and into the kitchen where Miss Lilly stopped to stack dice to make a castle and where Amici Defined was playing on the CD player, music in the background.  Without making eye contact because Miss Lilly was so intent on building, she curiously said, "Thank you fur da moosic."

Seriously?  I still contemplate that.  The group Amici Forever smacks of the classics, and this little one was thankful?

From there we did not neatly segue into, "Let's go play Yucky Ducks!"  Lucky Ducks is a quacking game where little plastic yellow ducks go round and round in a pretend pond.  When you pick one, it's colored circle on its bottom determines it's placement. 

Would you believe after 20 years that toy has never had it's batteries changed?  
On Sunday, Jay and Miss Lilly took turns picking ducks but, this day with me she wouldn't take turns.  She had to keep choosing until she got her all her ducks, blonde hair giving way, arms up high in victory sign, "I win!"  

Chuckle.

Then she dived into the couch cushions, fully swallowed by their fluff and stuff.  When I peeked over she had Sami, the Ty baby fish, swishing its tail and Neptune, the seahorse she called Shark, chasing after it.   "Fishy hiding from the shark!"  Swish, swish.  "I have to hide wiff him."

With the unicorn Ty baby she pushed its horn down with her toddler finger and said, "Now, he's a horse."

But later, while I had my back to her, letting her play quietly alone, she came running down the hall, grabbed me around the waist, totally upset, "Scary mo!"

"What?"  I asked.  "Monster?  There's no monsters in GrammyPam's house."

She insisted, "Scary mo!"  Holding her close with my left hand I got up and said, "Show me.  I don't have monsters, but you show me what you saw."

Walking back down the hall she whispered something about having red eyes.

Stepping into the room she pivots to point to the shelf level with her eyes.  Sitting there, staring right at her, were two creatures with red eyes.  They were black.  They had horns.  They were fierce.  They were Fisher Price play animals.  And, they were bulls.

Swipe brow, "Phew."
Those are definitely some "Scary moos!"

MISS LILLY AND THE HARDWARE STORES

We took Lilly to a Kids Home Depot Workshop to make a string heart for Valentine's Day.  It involved a block of wood with nails outlining the shape of a heart. And red string to go from nail to nail to give it the color.

We arrived on time.  Others had arrived early.  There was MUCH hammering going on.  Miss Lilly didn't care for the noise and went behind a metal column to hide.  We told her we needed to follow the instructions, but she complained. 

"No, no, no!"
"Lilly doesn't have to work."
"Lilly doesn't have to do in. struck. shuns."

She finally was intrigued enough to paint the frame and did a good job.

***

To Lowe's we went next so I could participate in a Tile Backsplash Workshop for women. Walking in, Lilly stalled, and slightly tripped in her little brown boots, so I found a flatbed dolly, a low blue cart with tall handles, and parked my purse, our coats, and Miss Lilly on it.  She was content to sit crossed legged.  Guess she was tired of walking and tripping.

Heading to the pro desk and their hot coffee dispensers, I had to squeeze and maneuver the cart between an aisle display and a woman coming towards us with a full shopping cart.  The woman scooted to her right, I scooted to my right.  I looked at the woman and  smiled and assured her, "I think we're good."

Lilly overheard,   "No.  We need coffee!"

***

At home, afterwards, I cautioned Miss Lilly, "Be a big girl" as I rebrushed her hair and readjusted her pony tail.  She doesn't like to be bothered about her hair.  John, standing nearby added, "Be Brave."  Lilly dissented, "I'm not brave."

Later Miss Lilly pipes up after hearing John talk on the phone about possibly going to see the new movie with Robert Downey Jr. called Dr. Dolittle.

Quick as a wink, enthusiastically, "I wanta see Knock-the Little."

Now, that's a movie title to inspire a plot!

Do we need red string and a little heart?  LOL.