Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Show, Don't Tell, Lesson 9





According to the college writing course, there are the usual five types of imagery that correspond to our senses and then there are two more -- motion, and bodily sensations like fatigue.


THE PROMPT

Rewrite one page of your project using the senses named above.


THE REWRITE

She tucked the little container in her pocket, rolling its smooth glass-iness between her fingers like a worry stone.  As a kid she loved marbles for their feel but when she accidentally swallowed one, mom was so upset she threw them all into the bottom of the fish tank.  

She’d need a ploy to get into the office.  Normally she only showed up once or twice a month; Derrick didn’t often request a ride to work.  So, how to get there today?

Make it simple, she thought.

Okay.  Panera Bread.   A frequent favorite; she was well aware of Derrick's and Sheila's likes.  Take a fast food order to Derrick first.  

“Hi, I brought you lunch.  Thought you might be tempted to skip yours with all the party plans.   Anything I can do for you while I’m here?”  A bit surprised, Derrick looked up from sorting paper piles on his desk.  Instantly, this attractive man showed his pearly whites, stood to lean one hand on the desk, other hand in his pocket tagging the left side of his suit jacket behind him, a pose from Esquire, for sure.

“Don’t think so.  Erin helped  me pick out the gift, she seemed to know Sheila a bit better, but thank you.  You’ll be there tonight, won’t you?” He was so engaging, smiling again.  

“Sure.  I might be a little late.  Will there be dancing?”  

His chuckle was soft and sexy,  “Always.  You pretty little ladies love slow-moving to music.”

She returned his smile with a see you later, and sauntered to the office next door.  She shook her head, he sure could make a woman, any woman, feel attractive and wanted.

Now to hand over a sandwich and drink to Sheila, with additives, she snickered to herself.

“Hi, I brought you your lunch.”  The brown bag  crinkled.  Its label “Food As It Should Be” made her chuckle at the pun. 

“Hello, Sheila.  I hear congratulations are in order, you’ve taken a new job?”

“Oh.  Yes.  Thank you.  Thank you for the food, too.”  She opened the bag to enjoy the wafting smells of Bacon Turkey Cheddar.    

Then Sheila took a quick sip of the diet Pepsi, its fizz and sharp sweet taste answering an addict’s crave.   She continued happily, “It’s a promotion with better benefits.  Since it’s closer to home I’m looking forward to shorter drives.”  Silly chit acted like she had a secret.  Sheila was casting a sideways glance, and grinning, before taking another sip. 

Good, she thought, no matter Sheila’s private little assignations, my plan’s begun.

Once back home she made final preparations for the evening’s escapades.

Returning to the office parking lot, watching everyone leave, she slouched in her car seat.   Erin and Derrick left first, probably to set up the fare-thee-well celebration.  Sheila's Chevy Luv was the last one, actually the only one left in the car slots.  The drugs must've taken affect.

"Good riddance. I’ll celebrate, too, I might even click up my heels", she gleefully muttered as she quickly navigated the sidewalk, and the three steps up to the side door.  

Knowing the janitor didn't lock the office until well after closing, she headed for Sheila's office.

Sure enough, Sheila was woozy, face planted on her desk with eyes fluttering — the Pepsi cup empty, the sandwich wrapper crumpled and tossed in the black wire mesh receptacle.

With faux-cheerful encouragement, “Come on, Sheila, we’ve got to get you to that party.” 

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