THE GARAGE SALE CUSTOMER

"I got married at 16, yah."  The garage sale customer was lively;  he was lively in action, and lively talking.  His big voice filled the garage.

"Quit school at 15 and a half."

"And I ain't had a drink in 33 years."  He looked at me to see if I was impressed.

About this man that was talking, mom would say, "He wasn't anything to look at",  just a country gent, medium height, medium brown hair, around 67 years old.  How did I know his age?  Well, in a round about way, he told us.

This stranger came into my garage sale after browsing the flea market that's a mile up the road.  Our sales enjoy the spill-over traffic.  When customers get done shopping there, they come here.  

All kinds come, young t-shirted girls with food spattered kids, grandmas with their sisters (both grandmas), truckload of 3 or 4 men "just browsing", or collectors "came to see whatcha got".  The hispanics "Si, you take two?" and the Asian, "My name Singh."

Well, this country bumpkin didn't give his name, but all of us that were within ear shot learned everything pertinent there was to know about him.

"I was married to her for 18 years.  'Til she ran off with another man.  Broke my heart."

I sympathized, "Sorry to hear that."

"I ain't forgiv'n her," he went around the table of sockets for sale.  "She's sick.  My daughter said, 'Go see her, she might ask you to forgive her.'  I ain't forgiving her.  She broke my heart."

"I been married now for 33 years.  Before she became my wife said she'd had enough alcoholics, she had an alcoholic dad, and she wasn't marrying one."

"I quit drinking."  He shrugged his shoulders with a so-be-it attitude.

"That was easy.  I quit drinking."

"It's been 33 years and I ain't had a drink."   

He looked at the tall young man that had just exited his Honda Accord to come in to shop, and offered advice,  "I'm all for getting married, young man.  There ain't nothing wrong with marriage."

"You get married young man," and he nodded his head.

The tall young man in white casual shirt answered, "I'm just listening," and he grinned.

A third gentleman, rotund, friendly, smiling, enters the garage sale, then chuckled,  "I've been married 3 times.  I must like it."  

By now, this country fellow's at the next table with kitchenware checking out the prices on the Corning casserole dishes "Well, you ain't seen a man buying dishes before, I bet.  I do the cooking.  My wife can't cook.  I can cook.  She can burn an egg!  Shoot, she can burn a hamburger.  Ever see anybody burn a hamburger?  She can burn a hamburger!"  

These three men pay for their purchases and all amble off to their various vehicles.

I turned to my husband, laughing, re-telling the customer's story.  Hubby responded, "That's a good one, too.  But, I ain't never heard one like the one about my boss's friend.  She made a tuna salad sandwich.  We don't know how she did it, but....she burnt the lettuce!"