CHASE THE ROACH!

Chase the roach!

Kill bug dead!

The Raid commercial whizzed through my head.

Did you know the word roach has about 5 meanings?

Besides the insect, there's the hairstyle & hair clips, the cut of a sail, a freshwater fish, and a marijuana cigarette.  Here's pictures of three:

  

Sunday night I chased a live one.  I mean I hunted him down like a hound dog on caffeine!  I even woke John up.

It was about an inch and a half long, flat, shiny brown, long feelers, and flying. Ugh, it was an Indiana flying wood roach!

We've had about 4 roaches since we lived here.  That's not bad for 34 years, right?  That's about 1 every 8 years, chuckle, guess they know better.  

Usually this kind comes from having wood stacked in the garage for the woodstove.  This one was a surprise since we're not using the woodstove.  It's summertime (remember that song, "Summertime and the livin' is easy"?  But I digress), and the temps have been in the '70's, so no use of wood. The roach of which I speak must've come in through the loose seal around the upstairs bedroom air conditioner unit.  That's the only explanation. 

Anyway...ANYWAY, I felt something feather-like tickle my cheek.  Didn't think too much of it.  We have been struggling with stink bugs.  

At night stink bugs like to zzzzzzzip around the room and sometimes land near me, then I wrap them in a piece of toilet paper and flush.  You better not squish 'em, or even hold 'em too tight, because they'll emit a stench that you'll hate.  Besides it will attract other stink bugs, a come hither call to mates.  I flicked it away.

Sitting there in the dark, hubby lightly snoring, a/c making it's condenser noises, fingers clicking the keyboard, I see by the light of my screen that there's a long winged amber bug crawling on my armrest.  

First thought, "BUG!  GET HIM!"

Second thought came zipper fast, "What IS that thing, can it be a roach!?"

I tried to smack the crap out of him.  I missed.  He zinged off.

This is not going to happen.  Not in my house.  He is not getting away.  Those durn things can procreate asexually.  

I began turning on lights.  I hunted up a flashlight from the den.  I shined it everywhere I could think a bug would hide.  Poor hubby.   He stirred, "Wha...a....a....?"  Then, it dawned on me, that bug was attracted to the light of my laptop.

So, I shut off all the lights except one.  The one in the bathroom. 

And I pulled the door almost shut, leaving it open enough so he could see light and he could get in.  To give him time I went downstairs to get a drink of water, and prayed.  You know, in a dastardly situation like this when you really have no control, the Good Lord who made these things and knows how they operate is the one to call.  Not Terminix.  So here I am, drinking and praying, (get it, drinking, praying, LOL), "Lord, let me find and kill this bug.  It looked like a roach and I can't have roaches in my house.  They're just too gross.  And too pervasive."  

Usually, I tell a spider, ant, stink bug, or fly, "If you'd have stayed outside, you could've lived.  But you didn't, so you can't" and it's Squished, Deadsville, USA for him.  

My aunt lived in town and she had a lightning bolt ignited house fire.  Firemen and water hoses ruined the upstairs, and the kitchen.  Everything from stove to dishes, furniture to linens, got drug out to the backyard. Well, she had roaches.  And they crawled everywhere and came out of places you'd never believe.  It was horrible.  After that I swore I'd never let a roach live in my house.  This one had to die.

When I came back upstairs, sure enough he was crawling on the trim near the ceiling light.  Looking to heaven, I mouthed, "Thank you."  

My mind yelled, "I've got 'im!"

First attempt failed.  He saw me coming and knew I was short and just scooted aside.  Second attempt failed, too, but by gum, the third would not!  Or so I thought.  

Nothing long handled was within reach, so I settled for the toilet bowl brush.  

Raise it high, to the sky, "Toilet bowl brush, to exfinity and beyo...I mean...to the rescue!"

I'm a good little housekeeper.  I swish the toilet almost every day.  The toilet bowl brush was still wet.  I never gave that a thought.  Up went the brush, stab, poke, whack, stab again!  Down came the bug?  No.  Down came water!  

Water?  Where'd that come from?  My brain's slow, but it works, I put two and two together and got, "Oh, no-o-o, GRO-O-OSS!"

Me, stalled and wigged-out.  The roach?  Well, he made a run ... fly for it.

Where'd he go.  I did circles in the little bathroom trying to locate the creature.

Then I found him making circles -- between my bare feet.  "Oh, no-o-o, GRO-O-OSS!"

He was maimed.  "Tough luck, little nut, you're flushed."

What an irritant!  DH was tryng to sleep, my computer fun was interrupted, bedtime got delayed, and besides all that, there was the underlying dread that I wouldn't find him.

Nothing like a plan of action, and a final sense of satisfaction.

Chase the Roach!

Kill bug dead!