JOHN'S FUNNY

 PUSH CART

"You want to push the cart, or shall I?"  John asked me as we entered Wal-Mart.

It should be a simple trip for detergent, and a trash can.  But it turns into much more.

"Sure, I'll do it,"  I said.

The blue handled shopping cart was wayward.  It wanted to go left all the time.  The front left wheel had a tendency to veer off the chosen path right into the center island display of Honey Nuts and Kaboom!  

I complained, "Why'd you pick this one?  It's terrible."  We were all the way down the main aisle, no turning back now.  

He laughed.

"It's better than 90%.  Some of 'em are so bad you'd just rather pick 'em up and carrry 'em with you!"

BIG WORDS

"John, are you in the kitchen?"  I was trying to discover if he was anywhere near.

"Yes, I am."

"Do you know the word perspicacity?  

"Don't think so."

"Any clue how to spell it or what it means?"

His mother, as smart as she was, especially about all things financial, mispelled a word that embarrassed him as a child.  She never finished school, only went up to 8th grade, but later in life, around the age of 40, she got her GED.  

In elementery school he had a jar with an amphibian in it on which she'd written it's species.  When he got to class they laughed telling him that toad wasn't spelled T, O, D, E.  Ever since he's made sure he knows how to spell all words.  So I was curious about this one, and wondered what he'd say.

He was quick.  He had a ready reply.

"Don't ask me these big words and expect an answer."

POLITICAL VIDEO

I wanted to show John a video on Facebook of our Vice President changing points of view.  So, I asked him to sit next to me while I brought it up.  He said he didn't want to hear it.  I asked, "Two of your sons shared and re-posted it.  Are you sure?"

He replied, "I'd rather listen to a bird tweet!"

PICK POCKET

Coming up behind John, I noticed his new jeans had a button on the right rear pocket.  "Want me to button your pocket?" I asked.

He'd just shared a few dollars with me, I knew how much cash he had, "You know, if ever someone stole your wallet they'd be shockingly disappointed."

Always he's quick with the wit, "I'd have to write 'em a check -- "Can you not cash that until Friday?"