10 FUNNY THINGS BY MY FATHER'S COUSIN, Carolyn Webb

As told to me, these are 10 funny things from my faithful blog reader, my father’s older cousin, who is in her 80's.  She enjoys flowers, praising the Good Lord, and humor. 

This is being retold as best I can in Mrs. Webb's voice.

1.  Jack came down to visit us, he was about 5 years old, real little, real little, when a really bad storm came along. 

 

He called from the bedroom, "Aunt Wheeze come here."

He couldn't say Louise, he called her Aunt Wheeze.

"Come get in this house, I'm afraid!" he said.

“Don’t be afraid Jack, Jesus is in there," she said.

Jack said, “Well, I don’t see him.”

2.  Bus driver told my elementary aged daughter and son,

"See you tomorrow.” 

My daughter talked back, “Good Lord willing, YOU will.”  

My son thought her tone inappropriate,“I’m gonna tell mom."

3.   My mom and we were at Aunt Lotty’s house.  The boys, my 3 brothers, ate so much cake it was pitiful, just pitiful.

“You may as well give me the last piece," said one boy to Aunt Lotty,  "I’m going to get a whippin’ anyway!"

4.  Mrs. Webb said, "We were in my dad’s model T Ford, this goes back to the 40’s.  Tulu, my sister had long fingernails; my sisters were real pretty girls."

"In this Model T there wasn't much room for the 4 of us."

"Tulu and Mary were the only one’s had a seat, the rest of us had to sit between legs; we had to suffer."

5.  What are my older brothers Mike and Mark doing today?

Baptizing two teddy bears.

6.  On this road, a road that went down a hill about a 100 yards, my brothers Mike and Mark eyes bulged out.

On the way down the hill, Moby was watching and said,

“The Lord was surely with them.”

7.  One Sunday a little boy, 2 or 3 years old, was taken out of church on his dad's shoulder.

‘Cause he knew he was gonna get a whipping, he cried, “Brethren, pray for me.”

8.  Me and my brother Denny started laughing in church.  A new brother had come into church and he sounded funny.   Mom pointed to us to go outside!

9.  Mom would fix us lunch, in a sack, you know.  

But by noon, I wouldn't have any.

I would eat it before we got on the bus!

10.  Dennis, my younger brother, who was a second grader, was real little standing up on a chair washing dishes.

"Dennis!” Mom called.

"What?” Dennis asked.

"Use some elbow grease on those pots and pans."

He answered, "Well, give me some!"

Mrs. Webb shared her beautiful yellow cup flowers with me.  

They make me smile as often as she does.