At The Zoo, Wild Dream

You've heard the idiom "stuff dreams are made of"?  Well, I don't know what mine are made of, but they can be entertaining, for sure.  

A horror-fiction author once said he'd eat right before bedtime to promote bad dreams, then he could use them in his books.  Oh, boy can that happen to me!  But this time, there was no food involved, so where'd this wild dream come from?

We went to the zoo.  And as is all dreams, you have this feeling, or essence, of who you are, and this apparitional feeling of someone being at your side.  

The animals were mischievous and downright funny.

At the glass partition only eye-high, we viewed the grizzly whiskered walrus that sat atop a faux ice floe, or stack of white topped boulders, in deep water.  Walrus got excited, lost his balance, and did a blubber-over-blubber roll, down the sides, out of control, jumbo plop into the water.   Everyone got sprayed, and shrieked with laughter.

Wacky walrus!

Up top the zoo's aquatic center was a seal responding to its trainer.  The seal was clapping and his hind flippers were working in the water, as he spiritedly barked "Owt, owt, owt, owt"

And, he kept sliding backwards, unaware,"Owt, ow-w-w" sliding more downwards, still not realizing, "ow-w-w-w" and sliding under water, right up to his whiskers, "Ow-glub-ow-glubbbbb" nose and eyes in a watery glaze, "Ow-glub-glub"!  And...he was gone!

Crazy seal!

In the dry grass prairie section the taciturn ostrich was having none of it.  She stuck her head in some sand.  Like a weaving tool, she threaded her neck into the sand, pushed through, and like a needle pulling along some string, peeked from under sand cover with a squinty-eyed curious look!  She blinked.

Offbeat ostrich!

Up the hill from the sand, still in the zoo, was a tall giraffe.  He was supposed to be eating leaves of the tree, wrapping his long tongue around the greenery, to swallow, but no, this one was neck-dancing!  Like a cobra to a piper's tune his head bobbed left, his head bobbed right, it bobbed up and down, and all around and to the ground!

Goofy giraffe!

And finally, I woke up.  Well, no, I didn't.  I saw snakes.  Gray snakes.  "S'nakes alive!"  

Two of them.  Identical.  They had a staring contest.  Arched up.  Heads face to face.  Unblinking.  A stare-down.  It was an "I dare you pose!"  It was a gunfight, I mean tongue-fight!  

They gave no quarter.  They coiled around each other like a caduceus without the staff.  Hissing in each others faces.  Flicking tongues like a pic on guitar strings.

I blinked.  I was open-mouthed, jaw dropping, and then, I realized the ridiculousness of what I was seeing and laughed out loud. 

One bold snake took his long tail, snapped it up, and slapped the other on the face.  Whip-crack!  SNAP!  

I woke up!

Silly snakes! 

Silly dreams!  

"HONEY, I MIGHT BE ON THE NEWS!"

"Ri-i-i-ing!"  

Me: Hello?

John:  Honey, I might be on the news.  I'm okay, don't worry, and none of the kids are hurt.  

Me:  What are you talking about?!

John:  Just so you know, in case a helicopter starts flying overhead, I got rear ended.  No one was hurt, except one of Brad's kids that hit her head but the school nurse has checked her out and she's okay.  I'll be late.  Bye.

Me:  Wait a minute...wait a minute...!  Brad's kid?  How'd two buses get rear ended at once?

John:  I haven't got time to explain.  Later.

I called Ian:  Dad was rear-ended.  He says he might be on the news.  Can you just imagine your dad being interviewed by a reporter?

"Hello, everyone, this is your action news reporter
With all the news that is news
On the scene at the [middle school]
There seems to have been a disturbance [of the buses] here"

Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?

And your Dad would say something goofy like, "Well, what happened was, I was sitting there minding my own business..." 

Ian:  That's funny.  He'll probably take it seriously, though.  He'll want to protect the school's reputation.

John arrives home:   Brad was driving the bus behind me, got distracted by a kid, I had to hit the brakes 'cause of the gal maneuvering her bus in front of me, so Brad hit me.  School Superintendent had me & Brad get in his car with the transportation director, and, the assistant.

Me:  Why?

John:  The School Superintendent looked us in the eyes and asked, "Was you guys using drugs?"

I told him "If I was and my wife finds out she'll kill me.  And my sons would never forgive me 'cause I was hard on them about taking drugs or drinking as teenagers."

Being rear-ended made the bus buzzer go off, and then the school's sheriff's tempers went off and then they locked both buses in the bus barn 'cause they don't want anybody taking pictures. 

Pamela:  Where'd the boss take you?

John:  They took me for a drug test!  They didn't care for it when I told them I'd been practicing for this. 

(Here he gave me a wink and a cheesy grin.)

Ian told Clint, Clint texted John:  ConCRASHulations, DAD!!  You're the next wrecker!!!  Claim your prize at the rear of the bus!

John:  Can't.  It's been crushed.

THE GOOD, THE SWEET, THE "OH, NO, STOP THAT!"

You've heard of "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly" a movie about bounty hunters finding gold in a cemetery....well, this is not that!  This is about moms and dads and kids joyously running amok!  There's "gold in them thar hills",  gold of laughter and antics on a Sunday afternoon.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE FUNNY

The Good...Rusty and kids made wooden crosses then trooped down the hill to mark the spot where their dog Jacque was buried.  Jayden said, "He gets to say "Hi" to God.  I hope God likes him."

Noelle came dressed in pants with many colored flouncy ruffles at the ankles like a Clydesdale horse which Mom says she just loves.

Alayna was seen sitting playing contentedly with a baby doll, it's pacifier, and a stroller on top of the concrete fire-board covering the pond of the water feature!  Amanda laughed at the paradox.

The Bad...Lilly lost track of her little toy plastic gray shark.  After everyone looked everywhere and everyone left for home, GrammyPam's porch light lit up the corner of the little red wagon where it was hiding the whole time, "Wa-laa!"

Jessica did some sweeping of sugar as she reported on The Terror Twins.  Noelle and Jacob, had pulled the sugar canister from the lazy Susan and sat playing in it.  

Spencer's video of Alayna and Noelle in the back seat of his car shows them sharing a messy pile of goldfish.  They'd dumped and ditched the box.  Later he discovered hidden stashes in the doors' armrests!

It's reported single Spencer had 5 kids, nephews and nieces, in his grocery cart going through the store with them chanting that they didn't want pie, "Ice cream!  Ice cream!  Ice cream!"

The Funny...John tells of a train set with a bear figurine poking his head in a tourist's car.  Clint called it a drive-through.  John laughed and said the bear didn't say "Hi" he said, "LUNCH!"  

Ainsley sat for a long time playing with three hard plastic yellow, red, and green toy bowling pins.  After a bit, it was suggested they be put on a throw rug to mute their falling tinking sounds.  Amanda said, "Ainsley's not trying to stand them up, she's liking the sounds".  Sure enough she moved all off the rug to continue playing her way, musical pins.

Laughing, I accidentally caught Clint's eye when heading to the bathroom window to check outside for the source of laughter, giggles and squeals.  On the hillside, all the kids were running away, the biggest and oldest in the lead.  The tail end?  Chasing them with a blue plunger was 3 year old Jacob!

THE GOOD, THE SWEET, THE "OH, NO, STOP THAT!"

The Good...John read Ruth's Loose Tooth to Lilly who was the first grandkid to lose a tooth.  Then Alayna asked it to be re-read to her.  He loved it.

Pamela, GrammyPam, iPad, oiyPam, me got out a small box with Halloween gifts of headbands for the girls, a book and some black spiders for the boys.  All agog, they fingered them, tried 'em on, bounced 'em, exchanged them, and finally settled on two a piece.

The Sweet...With John, who was under the weather, Alayna played quietly in the same room working puzzles.  Sometimes trying to engage him by piecing them together on his chest.

Ainsley, only 1 year old, determinedly keeping up as best she can with the others, pushed not one, but two strollers at once, containing baby dolls.

The "Oh, No, STOP THAT!"...the adults watched a YouTube video concerning 5 questions women should be ashamed to ask a man:

—"Honey, do you notice anything different about the way I look?"

—"Does this dress make me look big?"

—"What are you thinking?"

—"Do you think that woman is prettier than me?"

—Though he’s come home from a hard day's work, "Honey, what’s wrong?  Well, what about my day?"

3 year old Noelle pulled one of four Mason jars to her.  They're labeled F, A, L, L, filled with Indian corn, and decorated with small gold fall leaves, and sit on the bathroom vanity.  She was standing on a footstool, and while I watched she pushed it back.  Good.  She pushed it further back.  Good.   She pushed it some more, ut oh, it's tilting.  It's on the edge of the bowl, ut-oh!  Ka-boom, crash, clatter, tinkle.  Oh, no, it's broken.  But, no, the corn and beads inside made all that noise.  "Shew, glory be, no quick dangerous clean up for me."

Then there was Ian helping Jayden getting onto the roof of his parents' van.  Why?  Why, Ian?  Why, Jayden?  Why?

Finally, the most outrageous of all, looking over the pony wall and spying Jayden, who's only 7 and not much taller than the counter top, helping himself to another piece of pizza, CUTTING WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE! 

That's it.

The day's done!

I'm sure there was more, but I'm done, and some can't be retold, shhhhhh........

Like what?  

Like Jayden walking the railing.  The deck to the left but 4 feet down to the right? a bed of rocks!

And like? 

Like water transported in toy teapots and cups until they made the mistake of going through the other door and getting caught by a mom.

Like what else?  

Like the cat getting into the house and kids taking off after her, squealing,  "CAT!  PIPER!  GET HIM!"  

ROFL, I just love kid antics!  The good, the bad, the sweet, they're all funny!

"I DON'T SEE ANY CAMELS", LILLY #2

Last September, a year ago in 2021, I got a Marco Polo (a phone video) from Clint and Jessica.  Miss Lilly had discovered that if she wrapped herself around dad's leg, she can't be shaken off, even if he tries vigorously.  They call her a little koala.  When she climbed to the top, she pretended to eat dad's hair like he was a eucalyptus tree, LOL.

Silly Miss Lilly filled a toy fireman's hat with golf balls, and before we realized what she was doing, she promptly turned it over and put it on her head, all the balls fell out, and one rolled down her leg and "bonked" her on her left toes.  Her Newton's Law education was sad, yet funny, especially when you looked at her shocked face.  

ROFL!

One Sunday while Lilly sat beside me in church, she was looking at a map in back of the Bible.

She trailed her index finger over the dotted line from Jerusalem through the Mediterranean and up.  I explained, "That's the path Apostle Paul took."

She asked, "Did he go everywhere?"

Then running her palm over the brown section, "Is this the desert?"

"Yes," I whispered.

She says, "I don't see any camels."

ROFL

So we're back to January of 2020, Miss Lilly is 4.  Have you heard of Hatchimals?  I didn't know such things existed.  I guess if you put the egg in water it dissolves to reveal a toy animal.  In this case Miss Lilly had a bunny rabbit called Bun Bun.  Well, Bun Bun had a rough life this day.  

First, it got retrieved from the car 'cause of sad kid, then it got picked up off the floor from under the tables at the restaurant, then it got squished by grandpa in the couch cushion once home, and finally, a most mortifying betrayal of all, Bun Bun was picked up by a child's grabber toy, and swung about the room in a neck grip!  

"LILLY!  Put that down", said dad as she took one last twirl!  

ROFL

It was a pretty, sunny, warm day.  We needed a walk.  So I  took Miss Lilly to a nearby garage sale and bought her a xylophone.  There were two.  To decide which to buy we sat on chairs nearby that were for sale and just played and played until she had her fill.  We picked the prettiest sounding one.

This was the most fun of all, just sitting and chillin' with my clever, gentle, funny granddaughter;  making sweet music.

"MY LEGS ARE ALL WOBBLY", LILLY #1

Alayna and Lilly

It's October, the month of all things creepy and scary and a bit exciting.  I told 2nd grader, Jayden, we needed a ladder so he actually got it and DRAGGED it down the hall and through the living room outside to the maple tree where we hung his adult-sized skeleton and Miss Lilly's jumbo rubbery spider.  She's a kindergartener this year.

She went to move the ladder to a new location and I could hear her talking.  She was talking to herself as she scooted sideways with her load to get away from her spider hanging in her face., "I ain't afraid.  I ain't afraid.  I ain't afraid.  I ain't afraid." 

ROFL!

Lilly's a sweet child.  When we got back from our Tybee vacation, I found a little post-it not scrawled in childish handwriting "I will miss you, Lilly". 

Awe, melt my heart it did!

Gotta tell 'bout Miss Lilly the Sunday near St. Valentine's Day.  She removed little fishes from the Let's Go Fishin' game and put 2 of them in a Valentine plastic heart.  It was a palm-sized see-through heart container.  Then she went to each person, "Do you feel flipping fishies in your heart?"   ROFL

While John was helping her put on her shoes, he turned to me laughing "Wanna know how Miss Lilly breaks her grandpa's heart?  Show 'em, Lilly."  And she pops open the heart, holds up a half in each hand, and gives a little girl giggle!  She was so delighted! 

ROFL

In January, Miss Lilly was in fine form on a Sunday.  I still had my Christmas cards hanging around the doorways in the family room.  She took quite an interest in them.  The lowest one on the left was a cutout gift box.  The third one above that was glittering sparkles of baby Jesus bedded in straw.  She said, "Can I see the little baby one?"  Of course, I let her handle it.  Later, she came to me with the bottom one, the one shaped like a gift box, "I have a present for you." she said, " Wanna see what it is?"  LOL, well help yourself to my cards, little lady!!!

ROFL

"My legs are wobbly."

Miss Lilly was standing at the corner of the kitchen table, but while she said this, she backed into the seat of a chair.

Makin sure of what I'd heard her say, I asked, "Your legs are all wobbly?"

Miss Lilly replied, "I think because there was a mosquito in my room."

"Didn't mom kill it?"

"No.  And probably he sucked all my blood and that's why I'm wobbly."

ROFL!

 

JACOB MAKES ME LAUGH

It was a Jacob day.  The 3 year old's coming into his own.  He can walk, he can talk, he can climb, he can interactively play with his little sister, and he can vocalize his thoughts -- his world is expanding. 

I'd been laughing at him all day.  Finally, it came to an end, no more play.  

Pajamas were donned because he would fall asleep on the way home.

He backed into the couch slightly cowering and talking, but his toddler-ese wasn't discernible to me.

"Jacob, what are you saying?"  I couldn't believe this rambunctious boy who'd earlier pushed a stool up to the refrigerator, opened the freezer, and removed a Go-Gurt for himself was now saying a big word in place of the word "scared."

His dad with a touch of disdain, clarified, "Oh, he sees that stink bug on the ceiling."

Me, "Well, get a tissue and toss 'im in the toilet!"

And to Jacob, ""What are you saying, Jacob?"

He muttered, "I'm nervous."

ROFL!

Earlier, snack time, Jacob was rocking away in my big wooden rocking chair that's 3 times his size. He was watching Chugginton, an animated series about trainee locomotives.  And, he was eating a full size banana with the peals draping over his little fist.

Some grandkids want their banana cut in half, some want the peal completely removed, he doesn't.  Jacob wants the whole banana, and the peals left dangling.  

Time passed, I visited with the adults, Miss Lilly colored and cut, Jacob watched and rocked.  Suddenly, he ceased rocking.  He leaned towards me in complete amazement, pushing his empty pealed banana skins at me, he loudly squealed, "It's gone!"

I laughed my head off, "Of course it's gone!  You ate it!"

ROFL, then my eyes spied his last bite.  It had fallen out, resting between the spindles, on the seat.  Oh, my, to him it was gone!   The expression on his face?  Complete amazement!

Well, that wasn't the only laughs of the day.  Jacob followed Miss Lilly, both with magnifying glasses, spying clues.  I made a trail of post-it note arrows down the hall pointing to a hidden toy emerald.  The hall can be a bit dark which was fun for his spyglass that had lights around the edge.  Not only did they find the pink arrows, he found a dent.  Then he found a dirt mark.  And finally he found a bug.  With big earnest eyes he looked up at me, "That's making Jacob scary!"

ROFL!

Since it's October, I have spiders, ghosts, pumpkins, black cats and other things hanging about the house.  Miss Lilly was taking notes pretending to be a detective who's hunting a monster.  As we described this monster her mother drew a reasonable picture.  Then Miss Lilly began to pretend to be the monster we'd created.  She came down the hall growling.  At their mother's instigation, Jacob picked up a toy construction tool and went after Lilly.  Down the hall they went, trampling feet, lots of giggles, and some squeals.   Triumphant Jacob returned to the family room with a victorious smile, "I drilled her!"

ROFL!  What a day!  A Jacob day!  I'm still laughing!