Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Jacob - Ramps, and Save Me, Kisses

MASTER JACOB

Oct. 2021 - 2 years old
Yesterday I created a ramp that went from the lower step to the floor so Jacob could race Hot Wheel cars down it.  Then I showed him how to use the mini bulldozer to push the other cars backwards and down an incline.   I also filled his bulldozer bucket with dry rice cereal ... he ate it!!!  ROFL.


Nov. 2021 - 2 years old

There was paper sack in my pew when we all coincidentally entered church together.  Jacob spied it right away.  His little short body barely giving him enough height to poke his head into my sack.

"Ahhhh, oooo," his lips pursed in an O, "Whassit?"

LOL, it was a hatchet I'd commissioned my brother Gary to buy, so I could give it to Ian.  See?  I made 3 males happy, "Ah, oo"  Whassit?!


Feb. 2022 - 2 years old

They've taught Jacob well.  He came in, stopped at the shoe shelf and coat rack, and stuck his foot up at me, backwards, with a gibberish comment.  I knew what he wanted, I took off that shoe and then the other as he raised it backwards to me, too.  He still wasn't happy and kicked his foot up again.  Of course, I had to take off the socks!


April 2022 - 2 years old

After church while parents visited, (there's a passel of kids under 6 y.o. at church)  one of the little kids evidently pretended to be a monster.  Jacob kept running up to me, "Monser, monser!"  He'd back up to my knees and I'd wrap my off-white spring coat around him to protect him.  Time after time, I played along, "Here, Jacob, I'll save you."  ROFL



Oct. 2022 - 3 years old

Oh, oh, oh, I stepped into the kitchen to see Jacob have both blades of scissors stuck in an electrical outlet!!!!  OH MY LANDS!   That was one.

That boy Jacob laid down 2 x 6's as ramps to walk on.  They went from the deck to the dirt.  He's going to give his Dad a run for his money, because when he stepped on them the other end raised up in the air.  I could see from my vantage point in the family room.   I wasn't sure how Jacob was going to react to that!  There could've been damage involved, sheesh, but he did fine.    That was two. 

Within minutes, he rolled my small wagon wheel up to the house, laid it on its side, then stepped through the spokes like it was an obstacle course.   That was three.

Mercy!  And, he's barely 3!



Jan. 2023 - 3 years old

"Give grandpa hugs and kisses.  We have to go bye, Jacob,"  Clinton, his dad, said.

Jacob, arms straight down, looking straight ahead, declared, 

"I did.  I did," 

 Immediately, he turned away and ran straight to me.  Ah, hugs, baby smooches, grandma kisses, and squeezes.  "Good bye, love you Jacob."  

"Now, Jacob, hug and kiss grandpa....." re-said Clint.

"I did already," humph.  In high-pitched little child voice he turned to grandpa and stated loudly, 

"You got kisses last night." 


Saturday, March 25, 2023

Invasion of the Little People and the Things They Say


They came.

They invaded.

They tossed things.

They scattered here and there and everywhere.

They, of various sizes and genders, ran amok!

They weren't Fisher Price, but they were little people.  

They were our grandkids!

They wanted coloring pages printed from the computer.  Oldest wanted a dragon.  Oldest girl wanted triceratops.  Middle girl wanted a Peppa Pig fairy.  Youngest one, not yet 2, and insistent on being included, short and fine-boned and very babydoll-like, stood beside me, and said words.

At the end of her words she sucked air with a little almost indiscerable sound.  I thought she's just having trouble saying all her words.  She did it again.  I thought she must be struggling with sinus drainage.  I looked at mom.  Mom wasn't paying attention.  Baby girl did it again.

"Peh-ah Pee, scha-orrrr." 

Mom finally tuned in.  "Oh, she wants Peppa Pig, 

"Well, why is she making that sound at the end?" I looked down at Ainsley who was being patient.

"Oh, that's her oink, she's snorting."

"Peh-ah Pee, scha-orrrr," she affirmed.


Later on I was 3 rooms away,  I heard this young thing, a girl that generally goes about her business playing, never bothering anyone, never being needy, just quietly engaging with toys.  She yelled out from the kitchen table where she was painting her coloring page.  Remember...3 rooms away...the 3 y.o. yelled, in young child girlie voice,

"GRAMMY PAM!  I HUNGRY!  MAKE ME SOME SUPPER!"

I was stunned; I stood stock still a moment.  That's Noelle???  

I  lost it!  I doubled over laughing!  


The oldest "she" knew how to use the blow dryer to dry a little wet spot on her clothing, I had shown her months ago.  She got her sleeve wet with the water bowl used to clean her brush while watercolor painting.  This required investigation by all 3 little girls.  They were in the bathroom, climbing on the footstool, turning on the water faucet, pulling out the cord, and watching the functions of the blow dryer.  Then came the giggles.  

The light switch kept getting turned off and on, off then on.  And they giggled and giggled.  They'd never experienced a hot switch where something plugged into an outlet is controlled by a switch at the door.  There were 3 switches - ceiling light, exhaust fan, and 2-in-1 wall lights with outlet.

On came the lights, on came the blow dryer.  Off went the lights, off when the blow dryer.  Giggles.

"Again, again!"  On with the lights, blow dryer whirs.  Off with the lights, blow dryer's silent.

Alayna squeals with giggles, "It's magic, GrammyPam, watch this!"  


Earlier in the evening I thought I heard, "I wanna play Desperation."

I scratched my head over that one, and kept handing out sippy cups.

Later, he came around the corner rolling a game board.  It's handmade from a formica cabinet top, and has shallow divots in the surface for sets of colored marbles.  

"Here it is.  Dalmatian game."

I looked at what he was doing.  I registered what he was saying.  And then it clicked.  Jayden wanted something a bit more mature, and challenging. 

"I'm gonna land my marble on yours and you have-ta go home!  It's makes you mad," and he chuckled with a little glee.  

"Ah- ha," I said, "you mean Aggravation!"


They are NOT aggravating.  They ARE a handful.  For a little bit they get to invade and run amok.

Decidedly, I love our house full of little people!



Friday, March 24, 2023

John Jokes, Pamela's Poke

John's Jokes

A  commander of  VFW branch in a nearby city is one of the older bus drivers.

He came into the bus barn at the high school and joked with John,  

"Have you been nice to the school kids, today?"


"I really done my best.  They got home safely; none injured," replied John.

"But there's times you wanna drop 'em off at river and let muskrats chew on 'em," he joked back.

"I'll do better today," John added.

"I may take 'em to the river, but I won't make 'em get off."


The old commander said, ''Next year the school is gonna offer stun guns."

The boss overheard, her eyes got big as saucers, "Really?"

Still being the cutup, John said, 

"And I get an extra battery pack."


Pamela's Poke

I'm getting the newspaper again after years and years of not subscribing.  I love the puzzle page.

Well, today while hubby was deep in thought, checking out his favorite newspaper section, his mind occupied elsewhere, I caught him off guard.

"I've looked over the obituaries, and it's comforting to see my picture isn't there."

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Jacob - Diggers, Peanut Butter & Investigations

Oct 2022 - Jacob

The joke was on me. Jacob had been standing on the seat of the red tricycle which I took away.  He was using it to get up higher so he could investigate the record played I'd been showing his dad Clint.  I didn't want him to fall from such a precarious position.  When I turned around, he'd pulled up a replacement.  That record player HAD to be investigated. Now he was standing on the seat of a toddler ride-on car!


June 2022
Jacob worked diligently to carry his construction toys to his dad.  He parked all his diggers on the couch next to his dad, looked up and said, "Jibber jabber jabber!"   I got this.  I actually know what he's saying, LOL.  I asked, "You want dirt?"  and he nodded his head and plainly said, "YES!"  So, he got dirt.  We went outside, I pulled the tote from under the deck, and he got to motor in the topsoil.


Nov. 2021 - 2 years old
Master Jacob has grown tall enough that he can open my silverware drawer and on tiptoe prop his chin on its side to view inside. He pulled out a red spatula which I didn't think much of it, it's rubber, it's harmless, until he took a bite!  Little devil bit my red spatula!

Here's a Thanksgiving Day story I can tell.

Jacob who is short - long waisted, short legs - spied the open jar of peanut butter with a spoon stuck in it. He kept standing on tippy-toe and dipping into that jar, (I was watching from the other room over the divider) and each time he'd say "Ummmm" -- very sincere and thoroughly enjoying himself. Next thing I know, he's grabbed the jar and put it in the crook of his left arm! The spoon's in his right hand and he's walking around the kitchen table feeding himself!  ROFLOct. 2021 - 2 years old

Oct. 2021 - 2 years old

Dipping with a butterfly net, I had to fish a tractor out of the pond.  My eyes caught Jacob trucking rocks that were the flower bed border to the water feature, or tiny pond.  We had circled the pond with an expanding fence.  Never did we want a child to come to harm by falling in.  Well, Jacob was dropping the rocks over that fence into the water.  I told him no, but he went back to the border to get more.  Just as he was about to finish the job, I said, "No, no, Jacob."  He looked at me, opened his palm, and let it go!  Oh, the little terror!

Aug, 2020 

Oh, oh, oh, let me share a Master Jacob story.  This one I didn't observe, this one was told to me by Jacob's dad, Clint.

There's a child's gate between kitchen and living room at his house, and it just happens to be next to the refrigerator as their house is laid out.  So, though he's not yet walking, he uses things to push and get around much like an old person's walker.  He pushed Miss Lilly's red plastic childs chair up to the gate, climbed up on top of the chair reached over and cleared her magnetic numbers and letters off the fridge!    

Well, there's a boy in the house!



Monday, March 20, 2023

All Males In The House


For the most part I’m okay with all males in the home. Thankfully, they were added 
one at a time. Can you imagine the onslaught of testosterone if I were deluged by 7 males all at once! I’m lucky I don’t have night-crawlers and crickets in my pockets or ogle Victoria Secret commercials.  Growing up I did have 3 brothers (besides 2 sisters) and several male uncles our age. They were very interesting. They had ideas, they acted on them, and they moved. I liked that. I moved with them. Guess I was bit of a tomboy.

We blazed our way through the tall weeds on the hillside.  We fished for sunfish in the creek. We got lost on the sheep trail along the banks. We made tunnels through the hay bales in the barn. We watched hammerhead critters grow in the trough. We stepped on black snakes, played cars in the dirt, climbed fences for apples and cherries, roasted apples under a mulberry tree and got spanked for it.  Fires, you know, burn down a forest?

We hid in a hollow trunk of a sycamore tree. We buried money under the clothesline. We watched the cat have kittens under dad’s rack of plumbing pipes. We climbed the side of the chimney on the outside of the house. And we sat on the roadside to count semi’s that honked as they passed when we motioned with our arms.

We rolled a big wooden telephone line spool around the yard. We raced balls down the sidewalk. We put on a play in the side yard. We played church and we baptized in the bathtub. We jumped off picnic tables into No. 2 tubs and we poured dirt down the fuel pipe to the furnace.

We played in the sand pile until I drank it from a Pepsi bottle. We built a tree house beyond the barn. We explored the neighbors back yard and stepped on thorns.  Dad insisted he get to pick it out, Mom said, "Here, read the comics to distract you.". We painted posts and picked up unloved baby birds, and we poked grass blades and sticks into the outside electrical outlet then let the flap fall shut.

We melted crayons on the cement with sun rays through a magnifying glass and we pretended to parallel park our pedal cars.  They could do things, all the boy things, and we had fun.

When my own first boy came along, Mom said I’d have to teach him how to play. So, the first thing I did was get some Matchbox cars and get down in the dirt to make roads. And I taught him to make the putt-putt sound for a farm tractor. He still remembers it with a grin. That trickled down because he then taught his brothers how to play cars and tractors.

Mom also said I’d have to get the bluff on them because as they’d get older and bigger and I’d need the “I’m Mom, and I said so” to carry meaningful weight. It’s worked. When I couldn’t out brawn them, I’d have to outfox or out maneuver them. Sometimes simply bluff.

They’ve grown. They’ve grown to repairing 4 Wheel Drive Chevy’s and outfitting International Scouts to exchanging ’68 engines for a bus engine and dreaming of a pilots license and a Nascar win.

Now, we talk cars. Mustangs, Ram Tough, engine performance and ci (I now know this is cubic inch, the size of an engine, yes, horse power is the size of the engine but this isn`t horse power. Do you really want me to explain the difference?)

Here the 9 year old says, “Type in Hemi Cuda. Yeah, that’s right, R, R, R, R, Rrrrrrr!” like Tim Allen on Home Improvement saying, “More power, R, R, R, R, Rrrrr.”

We talk Poulan, Homelite, sharpening tools and cc (No, this is not the same as ci. Let me assure you, it’s not important to the women reading this either.)

We talk garden tractors, Cub Cadets, and HEI’s (see, I’ve even learned it’s not a word, it’s an acronym).

We dispute “I’m going to get a motorcycle when I move out,” because I won’t let them have one while they live at home. I’ve buried one son due to birth defects. I do not intend to bury another, especially when it can be a choice such as cycle purchases. The oldest son’s best friend said, “I’ve never known someone to own a motorcycle without laying it down in the first 3 months.” Well, my son has owned one for 3 years and hasn`t laid it down yet. I feel like I’m on borrowed time.

We talk canine and “You don’t want to know how I get the dog to not bark at night.”

We talk politics, Rush Limbaugh, Mitch Daniels, and “if I were president.” The next to the youngest tells how when his boss passed out Obama buttons he called his brother over. “Look at this! Target practice!” The boss says, “Son, come here,” and motions with open palm to give the button back. They grin and laugh in the retelling!

We talk guns and calibers and clips and firing pins. Hubby says, “Here I’ll bring you one, it’s easy to find.” One boy pipes up, “Wow, we’re playing guns, whoo-hoo.” Hubby continues, “There`s rim fire and center fire. Where the pin hits the bullet. A center fire is a clean shot and it`s high powered.” If they ever offer to clear the table, don’t think it’s to play a board game or that they’re feeling like being helpful. No, it’s because they want to clean their guns!


No male in this house will ever tell you your blouse tag is sticking out, or that you have a run in your hose.  They’ll never tell you your skirt is twisted or that your hair is awry. That bold and less than beautiful acne on the end of your nose will never be noticed by the males in your house. You’d better learn to check mirrors frequently from all sides, AND THE BACK!

Shopping? What’s that? You want to do what???? Shopping — a word that needs defining for a man. An abstract concept. Most never learn.

There’s no one to suggest going to a bazaar, or eager to go on a yard sale jaunt. They don’t care that company walks into a messy house or that the car needs cleaned out. If there’s only one pair of clean underwear, that’s good, “what’s the problem?” They don’t get multitasking or reading body language. You can’t discuss the underlying mood of a previous conversation and it`s nuances….they take it at word value.

There’s no one here to commiserate with about PMS, the thought processes of a man, the way clothes fit or the clash of colors in home decorating. They don’t understand the bother of make-up. Nor the lure of a fine pair of shoes.

And decency must be taught. Careful here. Don’t let your mind take off. I’m talking about bodily functions. When it comes to women, they turn their heads from “nature talk” (as a matter of fact they’ve developed a code signal where they put their index finger to the center of their forehead and turn away. It means “never mind” “don’t go there” “don’t respond.”) But when it comes to themselves underwear is not partial nudity. A fart is funny. Any tree will do.  A belch can be a beautiful thing. And why do you need to shut the door?

Well, it’s time for me to shut the door. Time for me to end by saying that living in my world of men has been a natural progression; one I’m used to, and one with which I’ve been blessed. I suffer from an overload of pride and humility that these are mine. Besides, I do get kisses and gifts of flowers and lots of laughs. And don’t forget the brawn. I get brawn for bringing in bags of groceries. And bags of groceries. And bags of groceries. “Grocery day again, Mom!”

~Pamela~

Saturday, March 18, 2023

Alayna - "Go faster, Wohn!"

September 2021

Alayna is in a booster car seat today, right behind me, John's driving, and we're leaving Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Clinton and his family are leaving at the same time.  On the highway, we end up in the left lane, and Clint's in the right.   Alayna spies her uncle's car.  She gets all excited, bouncing in her seat (as much as she can being seat-belted in) and emphatically commands her grandfather, "Go faster, Wohn."  At her age many words begin with the W sound, so John comes out Wohn. 

"Go faster, Wohn!  They're weaving us!  We want to win!"  


Nov. 2021.

Oh, I gotta tell ya something funny, don't know if I can describe it properly.  I was pretending to eat their toes,  Alayna, 4 y.o., and sister Noelle, 2 y.o., standing next to each other laughing, I said, "If you won't let me eat your toes, then I'm gonna eat your nose."  Immediately, fast as you can snap an old twig, Alayna's right hand zipped across her own body and clamped onto Noelle's nose!  

And they stand there,  a sizzle of excitement, giggling, anticipating what's next!


Dec. 2021

Alright, I can't hold back.  Gotta tell ya what Alayna said, maybe it'll bring a smile of cheer to your face, as my old folks would say.  Alayna wanted an apple, I said, okay, turned to the drawer to get the apple slicer, she'd already grabbed the fruit and taken a bite.  

I said, "Alayna!  That's a big apple.  You won't eat it all, let me cut it up and you can share with Noelle."  Her response was, "GrammyPam, I can't sthare.  I'm shick."  What a minx!  She turned away and did a fake double cough-cough.  



Jan. 2022

Little Alayna sat with me during church on Sunday.  She was all bouncy and happy, I suspect it was enhanced by being back in familiar territory after being on the road for hours and hours.

 She dug through my stack of books and settled on an open-flap book.  When she pulled the big leaf away from the page "Peek a boo",  said the baboon, next "Grrrr" said the tiger.  And, finally, when there was that pause, when all things go silent, the preacher is done, the song was sung, the embarrassing bell gets rung, little Alayna, forgetting to whisper, in her best "I'm afraid" voice , loudly squeals in fear, "B-B-EAR-RR!"

Friday, March 17, 2023

Orn, Ank, and Rap


Kicking the pebbles,
plucking the clover, and dancing about on a bicorne hat were 3 little leprechauns.

As little as they were they could play atop the low stone wall that bordered the dirt road.  Under the hazel tree spreading its branches over the wall, they waited for the soft rain to stop. 

After the rain then would come the rainbow.  And that's where they would go.  Their goal was to check their pot o'gold.  

Orn was ornery, so his mother said.  Ank was always pulling pranks, shook his father's head.  And, Rap the rapscallion, who was always loosing his copper medallion, was the leader.  He led.

The rain stopped, and the leprechauns tumbled down.  Off they trundled.  

Soon they came to Castletown where the rubbish bins were set out.  

"Lift me up!"  cried Rap.  And like a 3 stacked tower with Ank on the bottom, Rap reached over a green bin and pulled out a plunger.

"Aye, whatcha gonna do with that, Rap?"  asked Orn who wore the bicorne.  They spilled to the ground.

"It's a hobby horse!"  said Rap.  And he wrapped his short arms around the wood handle threaded into the milk chocolate brown cup and began bopping up and down and all around, in the grass and over the ground.

But, that wasn't such a good thing to do.  He lost his medallion, his lucky penny on a string.  

3 little leprechauns skimmed through the green grass, turned over rocks, and looked high in low hanging branches, 'til Ank spied it, "It winked in the sunlight."

"To the rainbow!" said Rap.

"Off we go!" called Orn and Ank.

***

On up the road the 3 leprechauns went, Orn, Ank, and Rap.  Sometimes climbing a fence.  But mostly kicking a can while the other two ran.  Of course, they came upon a horse!

When they spied Farmer Ferd clipping the hooves of his herd, they sneaked around the toes, back behind where noone goes, grabbed a horsey tail then let out a wail, "WHEEEEEEEEE!  This is fun!  Come on, everyone!"

First, of course, Rap took a swing.  Out to the left and up to the sky, down to the ground, yelled at Orn "Hi" then to Ank "By!' and out to the right went Rap.  Oh, what a sight!

Decidedly Orn had to take a turn, but he waited until Farmer Ferd turned his head, to clip the other hoof of Spirit instead.  Grabbing the hair of the tail, up he flit, one hand lost grip, he just about lost it, but on the downswing, he was able his hold to regain!  Orn plopped to earth, and sneezed in the dirt where he landed!

Ank shook his head, "No, nope."  This wasn't his thing, he was just too, too busy rebuttoning his frieze jacket and making sure his lucky rabbit's foot was still in the pocket.

Farmer Ferd wondered what on earth had gotten into Spirit. He checked to see if she was being bothered by black flies, or if a bird had landed on her back.  Nothing.  He shrugged his shoulders and went back to clipping. Only one more hoof to file and trim.

Rap to Ank, "Look, there's the rainbow!"

Orn replied, "Off we go!"

***

As the trio of leprechauns pressed on, they danced a jig, and kicked up their heels, their particular gold buckles glinting in the sun.  They were a happy lot.  When there came a break in the stand of oaks Orn could see beyond the branches into the cottage window where a young lass was attending her tresses.  It was the horseshoe that first caught his eye, though.

Hanging over the lintel the horseshoe was upside down "all the luck will run out"!  Orn was a'bristle.  This had to be corrected.

"And aren't ya sure it must be righted," Orn was unlatching the gate, not the least bit frightened, quick as a sprite, he used all of his might, and gave it a flip so the luck wouldn't drip.  Ah, himself was much delighted!

He scuttled back under the stone wall's overgrowth, where Rap and Ank waited.

"Aye, that wasn't yer worst!" said Rap.

"Grand!" said Ank.

The red-headed lass brushing her hair beyond the window glass never knew what happened.  Orn and Ank and Rap on their bellies under the bushes, ankles crossed in the air, heads in hands, gazed upon her lovingly as she brushed her luscious locks.  They saw no need for the curling of the curling iron, but never let it be said that an Irishman doesn't admire a head of red!

Rap pointed to the arc, then said to Ank, "We best be gettin' on, there's the rainbow!"

Orn gave in, "Off we go then."

***

Well on their merry way, but not quite there, the 3 leprechauns crossed the Castletown Bridge made of many o' stone.  It blended in with its surroundings by the ivy clinging and rooting into the stone seams.  The ivy draped towards the gurgling stream as if it get a sip of water.  It was the oldest bridge in the land, nobody denies.

The Gaelic gentleman in his tartan plaid lying peacefully under the old oak tree belied the rushing water.  Like a man with n'er a thing to do, he was snoring like a purring cat with a book opened over his eyes.  His smoke pipe held in his right hand had gone out.  Ah, too inviting it was to the wee people!

With little chirps of giggles they set about their task.  It was all Ank's idea, they concurred.  

With giddy leaps of joy they began scooping up loose dirt.  Ank made sure it was piled very high at the top of the man's head.

With silent snickers of delight they mounded the fertile brown earth around his shoulders, up near his hips, alongside his legs, and deeply around his feet.  

"More here," said Ank.

And when twas done, when it was all over, Ank plucked a lucky shamrock, a 4 leaf clover,  from near the banks of Oxley, leaping away scot-free, so glad not to be caught by the man he just walked-over.

Proudly they laid claim to their "mountain" poking the shamrock stem right there in the stump of his pipe.

"Hee, hee, hee, won't he get a right surprise when that shamrock rises to his eyes, and instead of tobaccy in his face, there'll be dirt in its place!"  Ank kicked up his heels.

All green and yellow and purple and pink,

the bright arced colors made Orn and Ank blink.

And Rap, as leaders go, said, "It's the rainbow!"

Dejectedly, Ank caved, "I guess.  Let's go."


***

The more forward they went, the closer the rainbow came.  The 3 leprechauns, Orn, Ank, and Rap, were still up to mischief, playing who's the leader juggling back and forth between each other.  Then it was push-the-man-down.  When that got tiresome, they pulled their instruments from their seven-buttoned jackets. Lilting music filled the air with Orn's tin whistle, Ank's fife, and Rap's "smallest violin in the world".

If the sheep were resting, and the dirt road barren, if the birds were nesting, and no sot was swearin', you could hear the wee people play,  They'd been known to set up ceili dancing all through the night.  But today was day and the night was nought.  Towards the rainbow they played.

AND IT LOOMED LARGE!

The west end faded into nothingness, and the east end was anchored at the cairn at the top o' the crag.  The trio hoped it would stay right there until they could make it to the summit.  

"That's savage!" said Ank.

"Wisha!" exclaimed Orn.

"Merciful hour!" exclaimed Rap.

On top o' the crag gleaming in the sun calling, "Come.  Come.  Come", was a sparkling diamond bracelet.  Every leprechaun everywhere in the underworld covets coins and jewels.  

Their eyes glistened.  They clapped their hands together as they thought how this could be added right nicely to their pot o' gold.  

Rap, the great and daring one, leaped for the prize.   Ank, not to be outdone, tripped to his demise.  Orn saw their tangle, then a shadow looming at an angle, looked up and met a great hulking surprise.

"Ah ha!"  said the Gaelic gentleman in his tartan plaid, and he nabbed 'em!  "Tis leprechauns that buried me and planted shamrocks in me pipe!"

He laughed again.  

"You can always outwit a leprechaun with a bit of glitz," he proclaimed.  "Now I want 9 wishes!  Three from each of you."

"First, I want a lucky angel bell put around everyones necks.  Aye, I'll always be able to find ye when me next needs some wishes."

Tinkle.  Orn got a bell.  Tinkle.  Ank got a bell.  Tinkle.  Rap got a bell.  Tinkle.  The gentleman in  plaid got a bell.

"By Jehoshaphat!  What'll you be at?  Take this bell offa me!"  He stomped his black booted foot then he reached for the collar around his neck with both hands.  Freed, the 3 leprechauns winked and blinked and disappeared just like that!  SNAP!

The pot o' gold is still there to be found,

But don't waste your wishes.

Leprechauns'll turn your wants all around,

Even take off with your Sunday best britches!

















Thursday, March 16, 2023

AINSLEY CONTRADICTION

 


Noelle, 3 1/2, asked her younger sister Ainsley,

"Do you love GrammyPam?"


22 mo. old Ainsley answered, "Yah."

"I love Grandpa John," 

then she came in and climbed up onto his lap!




March 2023

Ainsley, not yet 2 y.o., sat in a high chair at BJ's restaurant.  Mom was in the restroom with the other girl, and Dad was enjoying a story being told by a brother across the table.  

I saw the whole thing.

Ainsley and 3 y.o. Noelle, had a black straw.  Sharing, exploring, poking, sucking, tasting.  I say tasting because Ainsley got a lemon wedge and was determinedly poking the straw into its juicy fibers.

The two of them taste-tested the results, then it was whine and cry and rub the eye.

Dad kept checking for eye-winkers, lifting the upper lid, then pulling down the lower lid looking for a mote.

Finally, I had to tell him, "There's nothing to see.  It's burning lemon juice!  Coated on that straw!"

"How'd she get that?"  

Shall I tell him about Ainsley sucking from one end, while Noelle sucked from the other?







Wednesday, March 15, 2023

Jacob In Puddles

 

RUN!  

There went Jacob!

RUN!

There went Lilly!

RUN.  Grandma, you'd better run.  

After them I went, not wanting any to get smashed by an unseen car.  Lilly was a good helper, she stopped her brother.

"Jacob, NO!" in her young girl voice, and like the stop arm of a school bus her right arm went out to stall him.

And he did.

Not for long.

Right behind them, I said, "It's okay now!"  

"ZOOM!" they were off!  To the truck.  But first?  A little side detour.

You see it had rained.

And there were puddles outside of the restaurant in the paved parking lot.

And like his father 32 years ago, the boy veered straight to the first puddle.  

We have proof.  Jacob's father, Clint, is seen on an old VHS tape, as a short, chubby toddler in a blue coat walking along the top of a mound of dirt where his grandpa had been selling topsoil.  The cameraman was Clint's uncle, and he said, "Don't walk in the puddles!" And immediately, Clint walked in the puddles!

"Stay out of the puddles!"  Nope.  Not Jacob.

Jacob tromped right through the first one and went headlong into the next one.  With a train piece in his right hand, he turned around, raised both arms to the sky and did a victory jump.

"Yay, I did it!"

"I like to get one, two puddles!"


Tuesday, March 14, 2023

THE BACKSEAT GiRLS

 

THE BACKSEAT GIRLS


"Ba-ad kitty," growled Lilly.  And she yanked on the rope and UP! the cat went! 

"It's a ba-ad kitty," growled Lilly again, Alayna tugging the other end.  

They're in the backseat of our truck in carseats.  They lean into us, raise their heads, and emphasize the growl.  You'd think they were contained, but they're not. 

Even with car seat straps on their shoulders they've managed to put a rope around a Ty Baby and hoist it to the headliner via a hangers hook.

 Lilly's the executioner and Alayna's the strength and support pulling her end.

Alayna rears up in her seat with O lips, "Ya-ah, ha, ha, ha, hah!"

"Where'd you get the rope?"  I, their GrammyPam asked.

 "Down there," simultaneously they pointed at the floorboards.

"Kitty, Leopard, Cheetah, what is it really?" I asked.

"Leopard," replied Lilly.

"What can it do to get out of being tied up?  Can it be a good kitty?" I questioned.

"I like that," Grandpa John said in an aside.

"What did it do that it was bad?" I'm asking questions still.

"It growled," John answered for them, laughing out loud.  "Kitties growl and it growled at them," he added.

And all the while Alayna was giving extra tugs and the kitty's tail is swinging in the rear window.  It's neck is yanked!

"I'm rescuing it, going to pet it, and let it take a rest on GrammyPam's shoulder."  Now, I have the kitty and I'm soothing it with pats on its back.

"Nooooooo...." again two girls in unison, both raising voices in "Noooooooo......."

"What are you saying?" I heard mutterings and whisperings from Alayna.

"Nothing," says Alayna.

"Are you still whispering, cause I hear "Lilly, get it. Lilly, get it, Get it, Lilly, get it."  I countered.

"Noooo, unt, uh, she's saying "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty."" says Lilly.

John laughs.

"I have the rope, I get to keep the kitty." 

They growl in unison, "NOooooo, noooooo."

"She's a good kitty now.  So I can take the rope off her neck?"

"Yah," says Alayna.

"No," says Lilly.

"Meow!" says I.

"She's a good kitty now. You can give her back.  Yay!" Lilly and Alayna agreed.

And, YANK! up goes the kitty!

"Mercy! How long does she have to stay up there?"  I'm playing along.  You have to ask the questions to get the answers, you know.

Alayna gives the rope an extra tug and Kitty's just a'swinging when Lilly sternly answers.

"Until. he. learns. his. LES-SON!"  

Consider ... you're a child.  You have a stuffed kitty in your arms.  There's a rope at your feet.  Your friend is always a good tag-along.  Hum...what shall we do?

...

...

...

YANK!!!


A REVOLVING DOOR, KIDS!



We exited the restaurant.

There were 12 of us -- 2 grandparents, 4 parents, and 6 children.

Lunch was over.  We paid bills, rounded up to-go boxes, slid baggage onto arms, and divvied up grandkids.  

Darling Hubby and I had brought Jayden and Alayna to church, then brought Alayna and Lilly to the meal.   Now, where are the parents headed?  And who would be allowed to ride home in our truck?

"When the dust settled" Jacob 3, and Miss Lilly 6 ran out the door ahead of me 'cause it was decided that they were gonna ride with us.  I was busy keeping up, watching to see how fast they'd run, would they make it to the end of the sidewalk before me, and could I keep them from getting into traffic.  

Also, kept my eye on the activity behind me 'cause ever persistent toddlers will maneuver out of parents reach to achieve their own goal - "go with GrammyPam!"  

It was a juggling game of keeping kids safe.

My final look of what was behind me was picturesque.  I wish I'd been "camera ready".

It was a revolving door coming out of the restaurant.  5 people were in one section.  Mom was holding 1 y,o. Ainsley on her hip and had her other hand on the upper part of the glass maintaining control.  Lined up below her, pushing with all their might were 3 little faces, 1, 2, 3, all in a row, Jayden, Alayna and Noelle.

Their faces were distraught.  They were not happy.

Faintly, from the back of beyond; from the unsettled west, I could hear cries of distress.

"Grammy...!  GrammyPam!  GRAMMYPAM!" 

Monday, March 13, 2023

ALAYNA & PLAYING POSSUM?

John was on top of the shed, putting mastic around the skylight that had been leaking.  I was adjusting the ladder for him to come down on the other side.

Alayna 5 and Jayden 7, had disappeared around back.  They're older, I don't pay them as much attention, as long as I've seen them in the last 2 minutes or I can hear them.

Here they come!

Alayna, in her fuzzy pink jacket, is all a'dither.  She came running around the corner of the garage from the backyard very excited. 

"Come!" and she waves her little hands for me to follow her.

"GrammyPam, GrammyPam come,  COME!"

"It's this big and it's furry.  It looks like a cat," her eyes are huge and her body sizzles.  She sizes it with her two little girl hands about 10 or 12 inches apart.

"I didn't touch it."

"It's asleep.  Jayden says it's dead!"

What on earth have they found?  Did Piper hide from them?  So, I follow her to the garage and around the corner.  We go into the backyard and Jayden's waiting there at the back of the deck, studying and thinking.

He says, "It looks like a cat.  It's something under there, not moving."

"John," I yell, "you gotta come see this."

He dons gloves and some paper towels; he's no dummy, he suspects what's up.

Sure enough, it was hairy, it was about that big, and it was dead.  I looked.  I bent down and looked under the deck and there it laid!  

I wanted to see if it was playing dead as possums are known to do, so I wiggled the blue tarp it was laying on.  I got a snootful - a snootful of "dead"!   YUCK!

It wasn't playing possum, it WAS a POSSUM.

"That thing stinks to high heaven," I said   

After John deposited it, Alayna had to climb up on the the wheels of the trash tote to look inside, "It's dead!

She jumps down, still chattering,  "I call him Stinky."





Friday, March 10, 2023

FED, UP, & KIDS PART IV

As the saying goes March comes in like a lion and leaves like a lamb.  Depending on the weather, it can be reversed.  This day, first Sunday of March, the little lambs came in like lions, lions on the hunt!  Grandkids hunting fun.  They hunted food after a good romp in the yard, and they hunted each other during a good game of hide and seek.

Yes, they were hungry.  In the words of the first family's dad, shaking his head in non-understanding, "They're always hungry!"  

I asked the younger, "What are you doing in there?"  

Jacob, closed the lid, answered, "I wanta sucker."

I fed them ice cream, ALL of it!  

Noelle showed me her empty bowl, "I want more ice cream!"

I fed them Go-Gurts, "My favorite is cotton candy!" said Lilly.

At supper time, John fixed spaghetti. That didn't fill them.  I had to make another pot!  The second family's dad with beseeching puppy dog eyes said, "I want some."

Days later I found a dried up, sauced red, curled crunchy piece!  Now where had that been hiding???

If playing outside didn't make them hungry, playing "mean grandma" inside did.  That hide and seek game is their fav ever since I surprised them from behind a door with fingers to their neck.  And, since I hid on top of the sink vanity and touched one on top of his head.  One time I hid under a pile of covers then reached out stealthily with one hand to touch the nearest.

"AHG!  Ha, ha, ha!  Run!  It's mean grandma!" squealed Alayna.

Noelle won't hide.  She holds my hand as we search for the others, "I'm wiff you."

Jayden, the oldest is getting more clever. We could not find him.  We scoured twice.  He finally jumped out from behind the armoire.  But the best was when he hid in a corner behind a headboard and pulled a pillow up to cover his head.  We did NOT find him for ages and ages.  

Oh, the delight on his face!  He'd outfoxed us good!

The little lambs are growing up.  And going up!  Higher in the trees they climb, they stand up on top of the dog house now, and from the credenza into the bay window they gang up.  

I gotta up my game, I gotta grow as the grandkids grow!  Especially if mean grandma is gonna be the lioness leading the hunt for sneaky grandkids.  







Thursday, March 9, 2023

LOVE, LICKS, & KIDS PART III


 
The first Sunday of March and all the grandkids are here like lambs romping through the house and lions prowling through the yard.  I'm standing inside leaning against the stairs looking out the clear glass of the sliding doors which lead to the deck.  Mostly, I can see all and here's what I saw.

Alayna scrambled to climb the gate.  It was open!

Jayden shut the gate with her still on top because he knew it was to always be shut to safeguard the little ones.  Alayna didn't care, she was giggling - in it for the adventure. 

Someone crawled into the outhouse, a yard feature Ian and I built to house kids toys.  There's no hole for privacy purposes.  The shelves are designed so no person could fit in there. Yah, right!  Like I said, some child crawled into the bottom of the outhouse -- I caught a glimpse of feet.  Alayna locked the door and turned to run in the house.  I scolded, "You get yourself back over there and unlock that door!"

It wasn't too long after that that the open door of the outhouse exposed two sets of feet and fluffy skirt tails as the youngest, Noelle and Ainsley climbed under the first shelf.  Again, Alayna locked them in!

Can you just see us in a panic later trying to find them?  Until little cries of anxiousness reached our ears?

And here I thought it was kid-prank proof!

Noelle put the cast iron boot scraper dachshund in the bird bath then dipped a small orange ball into the water and licked it!  That wasn't the worst.  The worst was to come.  When dad found out, he tipped the birdbath over to drain the water but it left wet mud where it stood.  Dad turned his back.  Noelle dipped a stick in the mud and licked it, too!

Back to my reclining surveying position.

This time Jayden is a about a foot up in the English walnut tree.  AND...there's a Ty Baby bear flying up, falling down.  It flies up!  It falls down.  AGAIN, UP.  AGAIN DOWN!  Never did see who was doing the artless throwing.  And they never did get the bear up to Jayden!  

When they come inside, so very hungry, Miss Lilly takes a moment to erase last years notes on the dry erase board and leaves behind a brand new one, a love note.

Me, too, I love to write down these notes, "Here's what I saw".  



BABIES & KIDS PART II


At our house, on a March Sunday, after being parted from each other all winter, the grandkids came in like lambs, and after seeing all the toys, felt the surge to reacquaint, and romped like sibling lions at play!

We'll start with Ainsley, she'll be two in two months.  This little imp of a girl is small boned, with the prettiest fine featured face, and is easy going...mostly.  I say imp because I have seen her rush in from the kitchen, grab toys right out of Alayna's hands and grin as Alayna, in a fit of indignity, gets up to chase after her!

At this time Ainsley has 2 baby dolls in one stroller, happily playing on her own.

Her daddy has acquired one of the kids hand-puppets, a green dinosaur head.  With its open mouth he's growling and biting to tease the kids.  Clint said it first, when he caught sight of what Daddy and Ainsley were doing, lots of chewing, and dino-roars, and full on laughter!

Clint said of Ainsley, "It's the baby feeding a baby to a dinosaur!"

***

A few months ago, Noelle turned 3.  She is a talker and speaks comprehensively, but boy, is she dutchy! 

In the backseat of our silver Dodge Ram SXT, she sits in a blue car seat next to the window, driver's side.  Because she wants to talk and we can't understand her, I tried to distract her by saying, "Look out the window and find me 3 things, a cow, a garden tractor, and a dog." 

Immediately I saw two women walking a black spotted dog and we were going to drive right by them so I figured she would see the trio.  

I asked, "Do you see the dog?"

Noelle answered, and I could actually make it out, "I wooking for a pen-guin."

And then we burst out laughing because after a little pause, she added,

"I pway I spy wiff my wittle eyes."


Wednesday, March 8, 2023

CUDDLES & KIDS PART I

Full tummies, spiritual duty done, fevers gone, the parents brought the grandkids to our house!  It was the first of March....came in like lambs, they did.  Romped in the wilds like lions before they left. 

We hadn't seen some of the grandkids in weeks due to colds, stomach bugs, and sinus infections, and the two sets of grandkids hadn't been together at our house in even longer than that!

So, I grabbed each one at opportune times and gave them hugs and cuddles and kisses and I love yous.

Master Jacob got his when he was going out the door.  If hugs and kisses goodbye don't work out just right, he corrects it, and makes us do it all over again, LOL, the rascal.

Ainsley stood in front me me, the shortest littlest thing of the bunch, looking up with earnest eyes, ne'er saying a word, and bending her knees in faux jumps.  That's sign language for pick me up!  "Of course, sweet buttercup!"

Noelle got hers at church.  Her sister was taken outside by dad for bad behavior, so Noelle shuffled into her pink coat and was halfway down the stairs to "go see" before I could grab her.  That's when she and I got the cuddles, LOL, wiggling cuddles.

Jayden, starting to feel too big, got a quick hug. Alayna melted into her cuddle looking up at me with big open brown eyes of happiness.  Then here at home, timed appropriately, Miss Lilly got nabbed while going between the couch and the wall.

While I was holding Lilly who is in Kindergarten, and growing into a leggy nice lady, I gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her sweet things, and just enjoyed the moment.  After a minute, and just a few seconds of cuddles, she asks, very politely, and as if this was all against her will, "Can I get up now?" 

Chuckle.  The little lambs are growing!