THE MISTER'S MENAGERIE

"Come on in!  Yes, walk right up the ramp!  There!  You've got it!  One hoof in front of the other!"

And I looked on aghast at the girth of the elephants, the height of the giraffes, the muscle bound rhinoceros, the swarms of bees, and the mated serpents eyes that gleamed "You look delicious!  I want to bite you!"

Noah was encouraging all these creatures to get on board while I was wondering where on earth, I mean ship, I was going to sleep.

He said we were going on a cruise, right?  But these fellow passengers are rough and rowdy, smelly, and hungry enough to eat the horses!   Cruise?  Phooey!  Looks like a Katrina rescue to me.

"Noah, how do you want me to dress for this trip?"

  

"You always look good to me, honey, anything will do."

How like a man.  I mean, if I'm gonna help slop the pigs, I'm not putting on my pearls!  Besides, westwardly, it's looking gloomy and dark, I'm starting to think slickers, wading boots and a bumbershoot!  

And here comes the rain.  

And here comes more rain.

And here comes more and more rain -- pelt-pelt-pelt.

A foul stench wafts into our captain's quarters.   Ew, like the excrements of a thousand men on iron supplements.  "Can I open a window?" 

"Do you have bailing buckets?"  asked hubby.

"What is that smell anyway?  Smells like it's coming from your ass?  That donkey's has been eating hay all day!  Sheesh.  And the flies!"

"Shem, give me a flyswatter." 

Noah, "No!  No!  No!  I need at least seven of 'em!"

"Then I'm swatting 163!"

"Japeth, was it you who drew in that leviathon?  Give me that hook!  You do know this is a no smoking zone?  His smoking nostrils and firey mouth will burn down our house....uh...ship!   Give.  Me.  That.  Hook.  Oh, my goodness, what's a mother to do with you boys.  You're just like your father."

From the rafters comes a "Who?  Who?  Who?" 

"Noah -- that's who!"  

"Ham, I need help in here.  You've got a long reach.  I don't mind birds in the hull, but they don't need to be here in my sleeping quarters.  Can you get that partridge out of the pear tree?  Thank you, son."

Noah interjects, "Maybe we should retire to the land of slumber for the rest of this trip.

The rooster can crow up the sun, and the dove can tell us when we've reached land."

"What do you mean you put a hole in the ship?  Are you nuts?"  I'm aghast again.

 Shem, Japeth, and Ham stand there like those monkeys Hear No Evil, See No Evil, and Speak No Evil, "Well, mom, you said you couldn't stand the smell in here, so we've created a poop chute."

"Quick!  We need those bailing buckets after all."

"Noah, don't look at ME like that, these are your boys!