THE OLDER WE GET, THE MORE WE MAKE!

My body makes noises!  Don't look at me funny, yours does, too!
Just wait, the older we get, the more we make!
And, mercy, they just rise up on their own!

There's the usual -- the burp.
Let's start with the daddy belch, he just lets it out there.
The baby burp, heard mostly by mothers, accompanied with "goo".  (Yah, picture that pun.)
The mommy involuntarily escaping belch, hand to mouth, "Oops!  Sorry."
And the teenager belch.  This one's stretched out for half a minute, "Burp A, urp B, ur-rp C, urr-rrp D, and F, urrr-rrrrp E".   Yah, you get it.  All the way to Z!
"Bur-r-r-r-rrrp!"

Then there's the usual hiccup.
Daddy squelches hiccups.
Mommy hides hiccups.
Child complains, "It hurts.  Somethings in my throat!"  Blend it with the above teenager bur-r-r-r-rrrp and you have an interesting science lab explosion.  "Oh, no-oo"

And finally the usual fart.
Daddy fart, goes up and fogs the room like an A-Bomb cloud, "Leave no one standing."
Grandpa squeaky fart -- walk, fart, walk, fart, walk, fart....does he ever quit??!! -- walk, fart, walk fart!
And the baby floop, "Did you hear something?"  Time passes.  Moments later, "Ewwww, pew, what's that smell?  Baby?  Did you do that?????"  Smells like the cap came off the septic tank of a 200 room motel!

The Body.  It Makes Noises.  Unusual noises.
Cracking.  That's the joints and bones sounding like a wooden puppet clacking about the house.
Gums.  The gums shrink but the false teeth keep on talking.
Neck grit.  Turn your head wrong and you get the sound of rock on gravel.  Very unsettling.
And never forget the sucking sound.  Twisted lips to one side, hole so tight it makes a needle's eye look big, suck in air with a "schwoop", gotta get that last bit of peanut from between the teeth.

So, let's tick them off, we have burp, hiccup, fart, cracking, grit, schwoop.  Shall we go on?

How about noises that're rare?
The owl and the pig.  When a man snores he exhales, who-who.
When he inhales it's a piggish, s-s-s-noink.

Wait.  There's more; the tinker man, the opera singer, and the washer woman cometh.
The tinker man, Snow White's eight dwarf in the ear, "Tink-tink, tink, tink-tink-tink."  Wish he'd hurry up and find that gold!
The opera singer.  Vying for position in there too, so high pitched she could crack glass!
And the washer woman.  With her water bucket she sloshes this way and that, "Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh."
Stick your finger in your ear and wiggle it around good.  Won't help a lick, they're driving stakes and laying claim.  Squatters, they are!  Squatters!

Oh, you think it's funny?  You wait.
Like a slow invasion of special ops taking over your body, they jump out of the bushes, one by one, to create an orchestra of sound!  Never again will you hear the sound of silence.

Tink-tink.  Hoot.  Swoosh.  Sn'oink, "Oh, no-oo!"

Tink-tink.  Hoot.  Swoosh.  Sn'oink, "Oh, no-oo!"