NOELLE NO FEET, HIDE AND SEEK

 Noelle 

Sept. 2022 - almost 3 years old

Pretty as a princess!

Hands held just so!

Only 2 years old,

pink flounces of voile,

Noelle, 3rd child of 4,

"GrammyPam, look.  No feet!"

"Look.  Look at the floor!"

"No feet no more!"

Sitting on the bench in a Subway booth she was showing off her special dress.

Later, she escaped the booth where we were seated for lunch and went to sit by her mother.

With my back to both of them I heard her mother's voice, an ascending more stringent tone with each exclamation, "No, NO, NO, NO, NO!"  I turned quickly to see the problem, wondering if I could help.  

I saw skin.  I saw a bare chest.  I saw a grinning child standing up in her seat, her arm flung in the air with her pretty pink dress hanging off her fingers as her mother valiantly grabbed for everything!  The child gave it a final backwards fling!

Noelle, no feet?

Noelle, no dress!

Dress gone!

****

July 2022 - 2 1/2 years old

We were playing hide and seek.  The other siblings had hid in the hall closet.  Little Noelle and I were It, we were the the ones doing the seeking.  

Little ones can't keep from giving themselves away.  They giggle and snicker and tell each other "Shhhhh".  Sometimes their extremities flail outside the mattress edge or from under curtain hem in excitement.

All of a sudden Noelle, stands stock still.  Not moving.  Listening.

"I hear dem.  I hear a growl!"

And out springs sister and brother arms and legs all akimbo with glee.

Jan.  2022 - 2 years old

Sunday couldn't find Noelle, remember, the kids all rough house together, running down the hall chasing each other, having a tug of war over the baby doll stroller, tossing balls out of the ball pit, and more, but little Noelle, who's only 2, isn't usually among them.  She's doing her own thing.  This time I found her reaching up to the table, she's only eye-high, so how she did this, I don't know -- but from a bowl that her sister left behind  she was dipping a spoon into cereal and dripping milk on the way to her lips, "Yummmmm."

Nov. 2021 - 2 years old

The pictures below are how Noelle's parents and I get pictures of this 2 yr. old.  She will not stand still.  She's gonna be horrible at family photos!  Rusty, her Dad, said, "Here's how you do it.  You hold the camera in one position like you're checking your phone and when she comes around the corner, click."  

Well, here's how I did it.  NOT SO!

Dec.  2020 - 1 year old

Friend Theresa says her little granddaughter likes to dance to Barbara Ann, by the Beach Boys.  So I decided to try it with my own granddaughter.  Noelle was dancing to Barbara Ann, shaking her little booty, but try as I might I could never get her picture.  She teases.  She comes in front of you and smiles and just as you start to click, off she goes!

We'll have to learn to recognize Noelle by her ... and I raise my right little pinky like an aristocrat ... derri -AIR. 

JOHN SHOPPING TSC

 

 TSC Gift Card

Christmas shopping!

The lists, the hunt, the weaving around peoples, the search for clerks, the canned Christmas carols, the cinnamon and pumpkin smells, the gift cards, the reds, oh, the reds!

We were in TSC, Tractor Supply Co., looking for our grown son a winter jacket.  

Unwittingly, we were blessed with a 40% off sale.  I scoured the racks, the high and the low.  We slid hangers back on the central round rack holding black heavy and zippered coats, and maroon fully lined hooded coats.  We browsed through the store's far right section of mens clothing.  Finally, we chose The One.

To the counter.  

Hand over purchase.

Get out payment.

Never mind the man standing behind us.  He's patient.  We're not dawdling. Darling Hubby John turns around then words unbidden escape his lips.  

"Oh, my lands!  What a big ol' dog!  Are they letting Shetland ponies in the store?" 

"How the Grinch Could Steal Christmas!"

"How the Grinch Could Steal Christmas!"

This is a cautionary tale of how not to have a Grinchy Christmas, and we begin with a selfie.  For Christmas do take photos, but don't take that selfie that turns your forearms into ham hocks.  Ham belongs on the dinner table!  

Even dogs can have a Grinchy day if you give him a bad hair cut.  For Christmas, Do Not try a New-Do!  You'll be sporting a Santa hat, too!
 

As the new year approaches, and we're all thinking about Winter Weight,  Don't  eat the cookies!    Let Santa keep the title of The Little Red Fat Man!  You want that special outfit to fit on that special day, right?  As a matter of fact, skip ALL the cookies, "Ho, ho, ho."

Invariably someone will start a fuss, argument, or create discord.  They want attention. Let them have center stage,

 don't engage.  Their Christmas wish will come true.

The turkey bird can handle bread stuffing, but swallowing his own neck?  What the heck?   Remember, take out the giblets!  Oh, and the absorbent pad, too.

And, for a final caution, unless the family is having a ugly sweater contest, matching outfits 

which come from the Sears catalog of the '60s and 70's, are best left there; it's not trendy anymore.

Avoid these mistakes!  

 The Grinch Can't Steal Christmas. 

JACOB AND THE BUS EXCHANGE

 This isn't so much funny as it is clever.  You'll get a kick out of it.

Jacob is short.  Jacob is 3 years old.  Jacob is intelligent.  

There's floor to ceiling book shelves in the family room that hold not only books but DVDs, containers of techno-entertainment accessories like cords & chargers, and yellow Minion banks. There's you-should-dust me pretties, totes of toys, and just lately, Christmas vignettes with red signs, Rudolph, and a yellow school bus.  The vignettes are sitting over 5 feet high, so how Jacob saw that little school bus, I'll never know.

But he did.

He said, "Ipad.  I want."  Ipad is me, he hasn't yet mastered saying GrammyPam.  "I want" was him pointing upwards to the school bus.  

"John, do you care if he plays with your bus ornament?"  It was, after all, a gift from the the administration of the school where he drives bus #24.  He doesn't care.

I hand it to Jacob.

I sit down at the table to finish my hand of Euchre.

Jacob comes to me, and again, points to an ornament.  This time it's Lilly's and he knows it's Lilly's.  Lilly is his older sister and he knows he can't have it.  But it's just too irresistible.  It's a lantern with a handle and a sweet Christmas tree in the center.  Push the top button, it lights up, it sings 3 Christmas songs.   Push the bottom button, a train lights up, and it whistles, "Whoo-hoo-hooooo!"

He hands me the school bus.  Intrigued, I take it.  He points to the hook holding the lantern.  Thinking he wants his school bus to hang there with the rest of them, the train, the car, a hammock, and a snowman, I loop the gold thread over the hook.

He does a little impatient 2-step with his legs, continues to point to the hook, making unhappy noises.

"I want.  I want."

"You want this?"  and I offer him the bus back.

"NO!" he shakes his head vehemently, looking downward.

Out of curiosity, I slide the lantern handle over the hook leaving behind the bus.  I'm thinking maybe he didn't want two ornaments to share the same hook.

BUT, he reaches for the lantern now in my hand.  He double nods his head "yes", takes it, and runs away.

The little minx!  I've been duped.  

He didn't want the bus!  He wanted to exchange a worthy replacement.  It was a clever plan of action!  Thought out and executed!

By George, by golly, I've been had by a 3 year old!

Practice? No, PLAY! (Jayden Drill, Jacob Trot)

 It was a full house!  The grandkids came to rehearse songs for the children's church Christmas program. At least that's what the adults thought.  The kids?  Their little minds screamed, "Let's play!"

"Let's run and jump."  Run down the hall, ravage the toys in the back bedroom.  Jump on the couch and off the couch.  The cushions falling off the couch, too!  They went to the back bedroom where the toys are.  Full of grins of discovery, Jayden struggled back to the family room with the two toddler-tall elves I'd hid behind the door, and a curtain.  There were smiles on ALL faces, even the elves were impish.

The dads sat at the kitchen table with their hamburger sandwiches.  The mom's were busy fixing said hamburgers.  And giving in to kid wishes for water.  Then comes in uncle.  Tickle fest time, "How many ribs do you have, Alayna?"  Giggle, squirm, kick, laugh.

To add to house fullness, Ian and girlfriend Nikki popped in to work on the outdoor wood project we'd been doing all fall.  It's about completed, yay!

We practiced "The B-I-B-L-E" with sign language, and "Prince of Peace".  Jacob, too young at 3 years old to do it with them, practiced his trotting interference.  Between the teaching parents and the practicing elementary kids he pranced and trotted, back and forth, like a toy wooden soldier without a major!

After a bit of patience on my part, I said to his dad, "Clinton, you need to come get this boy."  Well, lo and behold, little Jacob put two and two together, lickety-split, got up on the couch, sat next to me, arms stiff at his sides, and put on an innocent face.  I laughed so hard!

They were set free.  Then they saw the adults eating.  They tasted bits of my hamburger.  My thing is, "Try it.  If you don't like it, you can go spit it in the trash can."  Jayden wanted pickles.  Jayden loves fried pickles.  Lilly saw Jayden.  She wanted a bowl of pickles like him and Alayna.  Whoops, her first one came out into the trash can, that was the end of that bowlful.  John said, "Tastebuds prevailed over peer pressure."

They ran into the garage to see what Ian was drilling.  Well, all three men were out there now, and there were three drills, but there were also three kids.  Who got the drills?  The kids.

Alayna had a drill to make a pilot hole, she didn't have enough pressure so Clint put one finger on top of the drill to encourage it to go deeper.  

Jayden was on the floor drilling where Ian had told him to put the next screw.  He'd never drilled before.  He didn't know about the upcoming vibration in his hands.  He giggled.  He looked up at me proudly, all excited, "That tickled.  I did it."  Turned to Ian, "Can I do another?"

Wanting to be like Jayden and Alayna, Lilly was at the other end of the board that was laying across the table, asking for a drill, so I got her one but it had a Phillips head on it.  So, while she wasn't looking, I poked it into a pre-existing hole and told her to pull the trigger.  When her dad, Clint, looked back around at her, he was impressed, "You drilled that big hole with a screwdriver tip????  Wow, Lilly!"

Shhh, we tell no secrets, we tell no lies!  

We're all in discovery mode.  They discover adult things.  We discover new joys.

We stay at play, easily, when it's a full house!

"I Can Climb HALF the Tree"

Speaking to me as they released their seat belts to open the truck doors,  says preschooler Alayna, "You're not like Dad."

First grader Jayden concurs, "You're not like Mom."

Alayna states, "You're a nice grandma."

And Jayden adds, "You're the best GrammyPam."

When we got to my house, they stripped jackets, shoes & socks, then inspected the Christmas village while standing on footstools to get a good look.  Jayden points out that Santa in the Christmas train on the toy shelf doesn't have any feet, and Alayna drags the doll in a white fur trimmed red cape by its hat's cotton knob.  

A bit later, Jayden asks, "Can I go outside?  I wanna climb the tree.   Climb to the top."

I answered, "I don't think so.  You should wait until an adult goes out there with you."

As I looked at this slight kid, I wondered about his knowledge, "Do you know what an adult is?  It's someone like me, grandpa, or your mom or dad, or even Aunt Mary Ann."

Grandpa John, low-pitched and quiet, succinctly inserts, "A grown-up."

A child Jayden's age can lawyer personify.  Any point can be argued in their favor,  "I can climb half the tree.  The first branch.  You know, right there."  And he points to the bole.

I continued, "Okay, but you know we're not there to help you, we want to finish up here at the table first.  I want you to understand what we're saying that there wouldn't be anyone there if you fall....maybe get a concussion, or go into a coma...to call 911.  That's why I'm saying these things."

Grandpa John, low-pitched and quiet, succinctly, inserts, "Black out."

They disappear, putting on the mismatched socks they came with, then don shoes and jackets.  Door jangles open, the bells attached to the handle swing as they burst forth.  Alayna runs to the tree swing, and Jayden disappears out of sight. 

It wasn't but seconds later the boy comes back.  He's dressed in oversized black leather jacket that emphasizes his smallness and youth.  It doesn't help that it's streaked with white dirt.

Jayden, unhappy with the turn of events, defeatedly says, "I couldn't do it."

He demonstrates with his cowboy boot how it doesn't gain traction on my kitchen wall.   He concludes the whole thing, "It's a slippery challenge." 

What Did The Kids Do (New Year's 2022)

We weren't sure if grandkids were coming, but they did.

Parents brought them a tad late, yet that was okay, gave us time to finish our lunch. We had grandkids until suppertime.

What did they do?  Just think Family Circus; that comic strip had it about right.

They started with the Cozy Coup (a Little Tikes riding toy), gravitated to a push toy, and then some ornaments on the Christmas tree.   They dangled a toy fish attached by a string, and climbed the chairs, no not the stairs, the chairs.

THEN they climbed stairs, opened cabinets, explored the pantry, and tried to get in the broom closet.  

"Ut-ut" was a mutter to get motorcycle riding Santa to sing.  Can you just imagine "Born To Be Wi-i-ild, Born to Be Wi-i-id"?  

Another "ut-ut" mutter was to get the stuffed pirate with a canary to sing "Some Like It Hot! Hot! Hot!  How'd ya like it, how'd ya like it, hot, hot, hot!"  Repeat, repeat, repeat.

They made a mess of the toy corner; pulled out a basket but didn't want anything that was in it, pulled out another basket and stood there tossing over the shoulder -- fling, fling, fling, everything fling.  I mean it, the toys arced the shoulder to plop on the floor!

Once outside they squeaked "Meow" to Piper the cat, then with whole body laying on the deck started 3 feet in advance, belly down, to scoot to the top step.

Back inside they plunked and plinked at the piano, covered face in magic marker, cried about magic marker on fingertips, hung 6 coloring pages of Toothless (from How to Train Your Dragon show) on the wall, had many fits, chewed and wallowed then spit out Fisher-Price dog, stabbed scrambled eggs with spoon but ate with hands, spilled bowl of those eggs everywhere, cried 'cause pineapple wasn't cut up, ate all bananas, ate, ate, ate, and ate.  You'd swear their parents didn't feed their kids!!!!!

That's just scratching the surface 'cause they also chased the kitty down the hall, click-clacked a train, drove a toy semi, cuddled Ty babies, and with vim and vigor swung a magnetic picker-upper until it was confiscated.  

Next pieces of fluffy stuff was pulled from the Christmas tree skirt and squished into many characters like dragon, horse, and bird.  

Don't forget diaper changes, and quick-almost didn't make it trips to the bathroom!  

Amazingly, though, one child took a 2 hour nap, and still, all this happened!

It was joyful!  There was laughter, excitement, adventure, fun, and contentment.  And smiling crinkling eyes from them and grandparents, too.  

Darling Hubby says, "I wouldn't have it any other way!"

Since this was at our house, I'll bet they sleep at theirs!

The day after at 6 a.m darling hubby woke up Grumpy, and he was sorry he woke me.

First thing he said?  "You want to hear a joke?  The grandkids are coming."  

"Oh, boy,"  and girls!

At The Zoo, Wild Dream

You've heard the idiom "stuff dreams are made of"?  Well, I don't know what mine are made of, but they can be entertaining, for sure.  

A horror-fiction author once said he'd eat right before bedtime to promote bad dreams, then he could use them in his books.  Oh, boy can that happen to me!  But this time, there was no food involved, so where'd this wild dream come from?

We went to the zoo.  And as is all dreams, you have this feeling, or essence, of who you are, and this apparitional feeling of someone being at your side.  

The animals were mischievous and downright funny.

At the glass partition only eye-high, we viewed the grizzly whiskered walrus that sat atop a faux ice floe, or stack of white topped boulders, in deep water.  Walrus got excited, lost his balance, and did a blubber-over-blubber roll, down the sides, out of control, jumbo plop into the water.   Everyone got sprayed, and shrieked with laughter.

Wacky walrus!

Up top the zoo's aquatic center was a seal responding to its trainer.  The seal was clapping and his hind flippers were working in the water, as he spiritedly barked "Owt, owt, owt, owt"

And, he kept sliding backwards, unaware,"Owt, ow-w-w" sliding more downwards, still not realizing, "ow-w-w-w" and sliding under water, right up to his whiskers, "Ow-glub-ow-glubbbbb" nose and eyes in a watery glaze, "Ow-glub-glub"!  And...he was gone!

Crazy seal!

In the dry grass prairie section the taciturn ostrich was having none of it.  She stuck her head in some sand.  Like a weaving tool, she threaded her neck into the sand, pushed through, and like a needle pulling along some string, peeked from under sand cover with a squinty-eyed curious look!  She blinked.

Offbeat ostrich!

Up the hill from the sand, still in the zoo, was a tall giraffe.  He was supposed to be eating leaves of the tree, wrapping his long tongue around the greenery, to swallow, but no, this one was neck-dancing!  Like a cobra to a piper's tune his head bobbed left, his head bobbed right, it bobbed up and down, and all around and to the ground!

Goofy giraffe!

And finally, I woke up.  Well, no, I didn't.  I saw snakes.  Gray snakes.  "S'nakes alive!"  

Two of them.  Identical.  They had a staring contest.  Arched up.  Heads face to face.  Unblinking.  A stare-down.  It was an "I dare you pose!"  It was a gunfight, I mean tongue-fight!  

They gave no quarter.  They coiled around each other like a caduceus without the staff.  Hissing in each others faces.  Flicking tongues like a pic on guitar strings.

I blinked.  I was open-mouthed, jaw dropping, and then, I realized the ridiculousness of what I was seeing and laughed out loud. 

One bold snake took his long tail, snapped it up, and slapped the other on the face.  Whip-crack!  SNAP!  

I woke up!

Silly snakes! 

Silly dreams!  

"HONEY, I MIGHT BE ON THE NEWS!"

"Ri-i-i-ing!"  

Me: Hello?

John:  Honey, I might be on the news.  I'm okay, don't worry, and none of the kids are hurt.  

Me:  What are you talking about?!

John:  Just so you know, in case a helicopter starts flying overhead, I got rear ended.  No one was hurt, except one of Brad's kids that hit her head but the school nurse has checked her out and she's okay.  I'll be late.  Bye.

Me:  Wait a minute...wait a minute...!  Brad's kid?  How'd two buses get rear ended at once?

John:  I haven't got time to explain.  Later.

I called Ian:  Dad was rear-ended.  He says he might be on the news.  Can you just imagine your dad being interviewed by a reporter?

"Hello, everyone, this is your action news reporter
With all the news that is news
On the scene at the [middle school]
There seems to have been a disturbance [of the buses] here"

Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?

And your Dad would say something goofy like, "Well, what happened was, I was sitting there minding my own business..." 

Ian:  That's funny.  He'll probably take it seriously, though.  He'll want to protect the school's reputation.

John arrives home:   Brad was driving the bus behind me, got distracted by a kid, I had to hit the brakes 'cause of the gal maneuvering her bus in front of me, so Brad hit me.  School Superintendent had me & Brad get in his car with the transportation director, and, the assistant.

Me:  Why?

John:  The School Superintendent looked us in the eyes and asked, "Was you guys using drugs?"

I told him "If I was and my wife finds out she'll kill me.  And my sons would never forgive me 'cause I was hard on them about taking drugs or drinking as teenagers."

Being rear-ended made the bus buzzer go off, and then the school's sheriff's tempers went off and then they locked both buses in the bus barn 'cause they don't want anybody taking pictures. 

Pamela:  Where'd the boss take you?

John:  They took me for a drug test!  They didn't care for it when I told them I'd been practicing for this. 

(Here he gave me a wink and a cheesy grin.)

Ian told Clint, Clint texted John:  ConCRASHulations, DAD!!  You're the next wrecker!!!  Claim your prize at the rear of the bus!

John:  Can't.  It's been crushed.

THE GOOD, THE SWEET, THE "OH, NO, STOP THAT!"

You've heard of "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly" a movie about bounty hunters finding gold in a cemetery....well, this is not that!  This is about moms and dads and kids joyously running amok!  There's "gold in them thar hills",  gold of laughter and antics on a Sunday afternoon.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE FUNNY

The Good...Rusty and kids made wooden crosses then trooped down the hill to mark the spot where their dog Jacque was buried.  Jayden said, "He gets to say "Hi" to God.  I hope God likes him."

Noelle came dressed in pants with many colored flouncy ruffles at the ankles like a Clydesdale horse which Mom says she just loves.

Alayna was seen sitting playing contentedly with a baby doll, it's pacifier, and a stroller on top of the concrete fire-board covering the pond of the water feature!  Amanda laughed at the paradox.

The Bad...Lilly lost track of her little toy plastic gray shark.  After everyone looked everywhere and everyone left for home, GrammyPam's porch light lit up the corner of the little red wagon where it was hiding the whole time, "Wa-laa!"

Jessica did some sweeping of sugar as she reported on The Terror Twins.  Noelle and Jacob, had pulled the sugar canister from the lazy Susan and sat playing in it.  

Spencer's video of Alayna and Noelle in the back seat of his car shows them sharing a messy pile of goldfish.  They'd dumped and ditched the box.  Later he discovered hidden stashes in the doors' armrests!

It's reported single Spencer had 5 kids, nephews and nieces, in his grocery cart going through the store with them chanting that they didn't want pie, "Ice cream!  Ice cream!  Ice cream!"

The Funny...John tells of a train set with a bear figurine poking his head in a tourist's car.  Clint called it a drive-through.  John laughed and said the bear didn't say "Hi" he said, "LUNCH!"  

Ainsley sat for a long time playing with three hard plastic yellow, red, and green toy bowling pins.  After a bit, it was suggested they be put on a throw rug to mute their falling tinking sounds.  Amanda said, "Ainsley's not trying to stand them up, she's liking the sounds".  Sure enough she moved all off the rug to continue playing her way, musical pins.

Laughing, I accidentally caught Clint's eye when heading to the bathroom window to check outside for the source of laughter, giggles and squeals.  On the hillside, all the kids were running away, the biggest and oldest in the lead.  The tail end?  Chasing them with a blue plunger was 3 year old Jacob!

THE GOOD, THE SWEET, THE "OH, NO, STOP THAT!"

The Good...John read Ruth's Loose Tooth to Lilly who was the first grandkid to lose a tooth.  Then Alayna asked it to be re-read to her.  He loved it.

Pamela, GrammyPam, iPad, oiyPam, me got out a small box with Halloween gifts of headbands for the girls, a book and some black spiders for the boys.  All agog, they fingered them, tried 'em on, bounced 'em, exchanged them, and finally settled on two a piece.

The Sweet...With John, who was under the weather, Alayna played quietly in the same room working puzzles.  Sometimes trying to engage him by piecing them together on his chest.

Ainsley, only 1 year old, determinedly keeping up as best she can with the others, pushed not one, but two strollers at once, containing baby dolls.

The "Oh, No, STOP THAT!"...the adults watched a YouTube video concerning 5 questions women should be ashamed to ask a man:

—"Honey, do you notice anything different about the way I look?"

—"Does this dress make me look big?"

—"What are you thinking?"

—"Do you think that woman is prettier than me?"

—Though he’s come home from a hard day's work, "Honey, what’s wrong?  Well, what about my day?"

3 year old Noelle pulled one of four Mason jars to her.  They're labeled F, A, L, L, filled with Indian corn, and decorated with small gold fall leaves, and sit on the bathroom vanity.  She was standing on a footstool, and while I watched she pushed it back.  Good.  She pushed it further back.  Good.   She pushed it some more, ut oh, it's tilting.  It's on the edge of the bowl, ut-oh!  Ka-boom, crash, clatter, tinkle.  Oh, no, it's broken.  But, no, the corn and beads inside made all that noise.  "Shew, glory be, no quick dangerous clean up for me."

Then there was Ian helping Jayden getting onto the roof of his parents' van.  Why?  Why, Ian?  Why, Jayden?  Why?

Finally, the most outrageous of all, looking over the pony wall and spying Jayden, who's only 7 and not much taller than the counter top, helping himself to another piece of pizza, CUTTING WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE! 

That's it.

The day's done!

I'm sure there was more, but I'm done, and some can't be retold, shhhhhh........

Like what?  

Like Jayden walking the railing.  The deck to the left but 4 feet down to the right? a bed of rocks!

And like? 

Like water transported in toy teapots and cups until they made the mistake of going through the other door and getting caught by a mom.

Like what else?  

Like the cat getting into the house and kids taking off after her, squealing,  "CAT!  PIPER!  GET HIM!"  

ROFL, I just love kid antics!  The good, the bad, the sweet, they're all funny!

"I DON'T SEE ANY CAMELS", LILLY #2

Last September, a year ago in 2021, I got a Marco Polo (a phone video) from Clint and Jessica.  Miss Lilly had discovered that if she wrapped herself around dad's leg, she can't be shaken off, even if he tries vigorously.  They call her a little koala.  When she climbed to the top, she pretended to eat dad's hair like he was a eucalyptus tree, LOL.

Silly Miss Lilly filled a toy fireman's hat with golf balls, and before we realized what she was doing, she promptly turned it over and put it on her head, all the balls fell out, and one rolled down her leg and "bonked" her on her left toes.  Her Newton's Law education was sad, yet funny, especially when you looked at her shocked face.  

ROFL!

One Sunday while Lilly sat beside me in church, she was looking at a map in back of the Bible.

She trailed her index finger over the dotted line from Jerusalem through the Mediterranean and up.  I explained, "That's the path Apostle Paul took."

She asked, "Did he go everywhere?"

Then running her palm over the brown section, "Is this the desert?"

"Yes," I whispered.

She says, "I don't see any camels."

ROFL

So we're back to January of 2020, Miss Lilly is 4.  Have you heard of Hatchimals?  I didn't know such things existed.  I guess if you put the egg in water it dissolves to reveal a toy animal.  In this case Miss Lilly had a bunny rabbit called Bun Bun.  Well, Bun Bun had a rough life this day.  

First, it got retrieved from the car 'cause of sad kid, then it got picked up off the floor from under the tables at the restaurant, then it got squished by grandpa in the couch cushion once home, and finally, a most mortifying betrayal of all, Bun Bun was picked up by a child's grabber toy, and swung about the room in a neck grip!  

"LILLY!  Put that down", said dad as she took one last twirl!  

ROFL

It was a pretty, sunny, warm day.  We needed a walk.  So I  took Miss Lilly to a nearby garage sale and bought her a xylophone.  There were two.  To decide which to buy we sat on chairs nearby that were for sale and just played and played until she had her fill.  We picked the prettiest sounding one.

This was the most fun of all, just sitting and chillin' with my clever, gentle, funny granddaughter;  making sweet music.

"MY LEGS ARE ALL WOBBLY", LILLY #1

Alayna and Lilly

It's October, the month of all things creepy and scary and a bit exciting.  I told 2nd grader, Jayden, we needed a ladder so he actually got it and DRAGGED it down the hall and through the living room outside to the maple tree where we hung his adult-sized skeleton and Miss Lilly's jumbo rubbery spider.  She's a kindergartener this year.

She went to move the ladder to a new location and I could hear her talking.  She was talking to herself as she scooted sideways with her load to get away from her spider hanging in her face., "I ain't afraid.  I ain't afraid.  I ain't afraid.  I ain't afraid." 

ROFL!

Lilly's a sweet child.  When we got back from our Tybee vacation, I found a little post-it not scrawled in childish handwriting "I will miss you, Lilly". 

Awe, melt my heart it did!

Gotta tell 'bout Miss Lilly the Sunday near St. Valentine's Day.  She removed little fishes from the Let's Go Fishin' game and put 2 of them in a Valentine plastic heart.  It was a palm-sized see-through heart container.  Then she went to each person, "Do you feel flipping fishies in your heart?"   ROFL

While John was helping her put on her shoes, he turned to me laughing "Wanna know how Miss Lilly breaks her grandpa's heart?  Show 'em, Lilly."  And she pops open the heart, holds up a half in each hand, and gives a little girl giggle!  She was so delighted! 

ROFL

In January, Miss Lilly was in fine form on a Sunday.  I still had my Christmas cards hanging around the doorways in the family room.  She took quite an interest in them.  The lowest one on the left was a cutout gift box.  The third one above that was glittering sparkles of baby Jesus bedded in straw.  She said, "Can I see the little baby one?"  Of course, I let her handle it.  Later, she came to me with the bottom one, the one shaped like a gift box, "I have a present for you." she said, " Wanna see what it is?"  LOL, well help yourself to my cards, little lady!!!

ROFL

"My legs are wobbly."

Miss Lilly was standing at the corner of the kitchen table, but while she said this, she backed into the seat of a chair.

Makin sure of what I'd heard her say, I asked, "Your legs are all wobbly?"

Miss Lilly replied, "I think because there was a mosquito in my room."

"Didn't mom kill it?"

"No.  And probably he sucked all my blood and that's why I'm wobbly."

ROFL!

 

JACOB MAKES ME LAUGH

It was a Jacob day.  The 3 year old's coming into his own.  He can walk, he can talk, he can climb, he can interactively play with his little sister, and he can vocalize his thoughts -- his world is expanding. 

I'd been laughing at him all day.  Finally, it came to an end, no more play.  

Pajamas were donned because he would fall asleep on the way home.

He backed into the couch slightly cowering and talking, but his toddler-ese wasn't discernible to me.

"Jacob, what are you saying?"  I couldn't believe this rambunctious boy who'd earlier pushed a stool up to the refrigerator, opened the freezer, and removed a Go-Gurt for himself was now saying a big word in place of the word "scared."

His dad with a touch of disdain, clarified, "Oh, he sees that stink bug on the ceiling."

Me, "Well, get a tissue and toss 'im in the toilet!"

And to Jacob, ""What are you saying, Jacob?"

He muttered, "I'm nervous."

ROFL!

Earlier, snack time, Jacob was rocking away in my big wooden rocking chair that's 3 times his size. He was watching Chugginton, an animated series about trainee locomotives.  And, he was eating a full size banana with the peals draping over his little fist.

Some grandkids want their banana cut in half, some want the peal completely removed, he doesn't.  Jacob wants the whole banana, and the peals left dangling.  

Time passed, I visited with the adults, Miss Lilly colored and cut, Jacob watched and rocked.  Suddenly, he ceased rocking.  He leaned towards me in complete amazement, pushing his empty pealed banana skins at me, he loudly squealed, "It's gone!"

I laughed my head off, "Of course it's gone!  You ate it!"

ROFL, then my eyes spied his last bite.  It had fallen out, resting between the spindles, on the seat.  Oh, my, to him it was gone!   The expression on his face?  Complete amazement!

Well, that wasn't the only laughs of the day.  Jacob followed Miss Lilly, both with magnifying glasses, spying clues.  I made a trail of post-it note arrows down the hall pointing to a hidden toy emerald.  The hall can be a bit dark which was fun for his spyglass that had lights around the edge.  Not only did they find the pink arrows, he found a dent.  Then he found a dirt mark.  And finally he found a bug.  With big earnest eyes he looked up at me, "That's making Jacob scary!"

ROFL!

Since it's October, I have spiders, ghosts, pumpkins, black cats and other things hanging about the house.  Miss Lilly was taking notes pretending to be a detective who's hunting a monster.  As we described this monster her mother drew a reasonable picture.  Then Miss Lilly began to pretend to be the monster we'd created.  She came down the hall growling.  At their mother's instigation, Jacob picked up a toy construction tool and went after Lilly.  Down the hall they went, trampling feet, lots of giggles, and some squeals.   Triumphant Jacob returned to the family room with a victorious smile, "I drilled her!"

ROFL!  What a day!  A Jacob day!  I'm still laughing!

STAIRWELL STORY

Stairway Story

Coming from his den upstairs, Darling Hubby fell AGAIN descending, each time it's "What on earth happened?!"  

Myriad questions ensue ... was he wearing socks, did he use the handrail, was the light on, did he miscount (it's 13 steps), what was he thinking about at the time, does he need a new glasses prescription, what was he doing at the time?  All those situation investigating questions come up.

Off to Home Depot.  What to do about slippage on the stairs?  They have coarse sticky strips, coarse sticky pads, rubber treads per step of 3 styles, plastic runners, carpet treads, and carpet stair runners.  There's also grit to add to paint or polyurethane.   Which led to "do you have business cards for handymen?"  

That's changed, now they have what they call Connect Pros with Pros, a list of local service providers.  Home Depot gives you a printout, you contact the handyman of choice.

Well, the only one that answered made an appointment to come at 11.  He, from the middle of Indianapolis 40 miles away, typed address into GPS and laughed, 

"That's on the way to Canada!"  

At 11:30 (gave him time to get lost on the other side of the river...our road is E. 216 on this side of the river and on the other side it's W. 216) I called.  He answered.

"I tried to call you to tell you that we'd be late.  When I got halfway there I realized I'd called the wrong person and had to turn around!" he chuckled at his mistake.

When he arrived I teased, "So you got lost going to Canada, huh?"

Well, we're honest people and after much discussion John, darling hubby, confessed that when he fell he was not holding onto the railing, he was wearing socks only, carrying a flashlight and trying to turn it on, and carrying a cup of coffee.  Oh, boy!

So, this skilled construction man, head of a multi-million dollar company, and a trouble shooter, brought along his sidekick.  They joked about how John needs to carry down an empty cup, or forget the coffee, or move his den downstairs!

Well, they leave, and an hour or so later, in John's email and on my phone we get a quote.  It's concise, it reasonably priced, it's complete with credentials.  Then there's the last little paragraph.

"For safe stairway descent, client may want to consider the fabrication of a coffee cup elevator."

ROFLMHO

10 FUNNY THINGS BY MY FATHER'S COUSIN, Carolyn Webb

As told to me, these are 10 funny things from my faithful blog reader, my father’s older cousin, who is in her 80's.  She enjoys flowers, praising the Good Lord, and humor. 

This is being retold as best I can in Mrs. Webb's voice.

1.  Jack came down to visit us, he was about 5 years old, real little, real little, when a really bad storm came along. 

 

He called from the bedroom, "Aunt Wheeze come here."

He couldn't say Louise, he called her Aunt Wheeze.

"Come get in this house, I'm afraid!" he said.

“Don’t be afraid Jack, Jesus is in there," she said.

Jack said, “Well, I don’t see him.”

2.  Bus driver told my elementary aged daughter and son,

"See you tomorrow.” 

My daughter talked back, “Good Lord willing, YOU will.”  

My son thought her tone inappropriate,“I’m gonna tell mom."

3.   My mom and we were at Aunt Lotty’s house.  The boys, my 3 brothers, ate so much cake it was pitiful, just pitiful.

“You may as well give me the last piece," said one boy to Aunt Lotty,  "I’m going to get a whippin’ anyway!"

4.  Mrs. Webb said, "We were in my dad’s model T Ford, this goes back to the 40’s.  Tulu, my sister had long fingernails; my sisters were real pretty girls."

"In this Model T there wasn't much room for the 4 of us."

"Tulu and Mary were the only one’s had a seat, the rest of us had to sit between legs; we had to suffer."

5.  What are my older brothers Mike and Mark doing today?

Baptizing two teddy bears.

6.  On this road, a road that went down a hill about a 100 yards, my brothers Mike and Mark eyes bulged out.

On the way down the hill, Moby was watching and said,

“The Lord was surely with them.”

7.  One Sunday a little boy, 2 or 3 years old, was taken out of church on his dad's shoulder.

‘Cause he knew he was gonna get a whipping, he cried, “Brethren, pray for me.”

8.  Me and my brother Denny started laughing in church.  A new brother had come into church and he sounded funny.   Mom pointed to us to go outside!

9.  Mom would fix us lunch, in a sack, you know.  

But by noon, I wouldn't have any.

I would eat it before we got on the bus!

10.  Dennis, my younger brother, who was a second grader, was real little standing up on a chair washing dishes.

"Dennis!” Mom called.

"What?” Dennis asked.

"Use some elbow grease on those pots and pans."

He answered, "Well, give me some!"

Mrs. Webb shared her beautiful yellow cup flowers with me.  

They make me smile as often as she does.